Sex Q&A: Did the Wrong Man Give You the Right Feelings?

In Love With the Wrong Person?

I have been with my boyfriend for eight months. I love him so much. He loves me and treats me like gold. He’s very attentive, generous and loving. The problem happened about a month into our relationship. The sex changed. He was usually aggressive and initiated it. I felt so desirable, but then after he started “loving” me, it seemed he couldn’t perform. I’ve stayed because he’s had lots of issues that he’s trying to work out with a counsellor. For seven years before me he was an extreme player. Almost like a sex addict. Slept with hundreds of women, sometimes two in once day. Then he met me, fell in love, and thinks I’m the one.

I don’t feel I’m highly sexed, I feel I have a regular drive. He, on the other hand, seems not that into sex. Not always, anyhow. I just feel like, sexually, there’s something missing. I have a feeling he might be gay, but I have no way to find that out. I also have thought that maybe it’s just a sex intimacy thing. He can do it with any girl easily, but not with someone he loves. Can you please give me some guidance? I really want this to work out, but my intuition tells me there’s something not right.

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, and thank you for this excellent inquiry. It seems you’ve really found yourself in quite a conundrum and I certainly understand your confusion. But I’m afraid that in order to get to the core of this matter, to really strip away the layers of illusion, we’re going to have to go on a fairly hardcore journey into the realities of male sexual behavior, which won’t be winning me any popularity contests on this end. The sad fact is, true male motivation in relationships on a sexual level is almost always in direct conflict with female fantasies of monogamous promise. Men never really want to be sexually monogamous, and no honest man on this planet thinks of one woman only and always. The best that can be attained between these two opposing positions is an uneasy alliance. If the man cares enough about the woman, he forsakes his own instincts, making a sacrifice of the most tenuous sort for that special girl who manages to provide the right kind of compensation for what he has to give up. And even then, a wise woman is always realistic about the beast within and what it is capable of.

Your fellow lived the lifestyle that is most in line with the true male sexual nature for years. Men are hunters, sexual predators, whose main function in this universe is to have sex with as many women as they can in a lifetime. It’s that simple. In days of old, men struggled for power, fought wars, razed cities, pillaged, plundered and built empires all for the sole purpose of having access to as many women as possible and ensuring the future prosperity of his many offspring. In any case, there is nothing wrong with your man. Forget this nonsense about sex addiction. He might very well have “issues,” but who doesn’t?

The reality of the situation is, he was happy tracking down and bagging his prey. He’d stalk and hunt, and the sex was awesome… Once. Twice maybe. By the third time, he was bored. So it was time to find another chickie victim. He never found a girl he was willing to settle into a pair bond with, because his predatory nature is very potent. Formidable as you might be, you’re still not enough to alter this one’s inner animal. He’s had a taste of a lifestyle that most men can only dream about because there aren’t many attractive or strong-willed enough to do what he did. But do it he did and giving it up won’t be easy. Perhaps not even possible. Right now, he’s trying to twist his own instinct and repress his healthy appetites via various socially acceptable methods. But it won’t work. When he first came to bed with you, he was an animal, indeed, ripping away at you. And it was incredible. In those first few weeks, his ardor was profound. But, after he mated with you, what was left? His instinct tells him, as it always has, that the deed is done. What is the point of going to bed with you now? He’s already conquered you, and for him, most of the thrill resides in that conquest. Now, he knows, other vixens await.

It’s not going to get any better. Gene Simmons once asserted that no man could ever truly be monogamous. It just isn’t in the wiring. He’s right. Your fellow is just far more authentic than most, and in that way he’s a very tragic figure. He loves you. Very much. But he simply can’t manage to pretend to be something he’s not. And if you really love him, why would you want him to be something he isn’t? I mean, isn’t there a primal, raw, sort of beauty in his nature? His vitality is so very human, so dynamic. In our world of numb acceptance and social constraint, he is one born to serve no master… Or mistress. If you love him as you claim, allow him to be who he is and if you find that you cannot accept his energy in your life, then let him go. Love doesn’t mean conformity. Not for him, and not for you. It’s such a strange journey, isn’t it? Such a wondrous feast of ironies, pleasures and pains

Liam

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83 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Did the Wrong Man Give You the Right Feelings?

  1. Sue

    There are 4 ships in life of love… Friend-ship . Companion- ship. Relation-ship. and battle-ship.
    You hold on to the one you love by staying together and do not allow your ships to sink.
    Stay a float and rock the boat but not to hard so it will not tip over. Keep a plug in the boat dont allow it to sink.

    Reply
  2. Sue

    I have been with my husband 21 years. Sex isnt what holds a marriage together…………….Also, the answer : To be together as being best friends who communicate with Mouth and not the lower body part will hold your relationship closer together. Just because you are with a man doesnt mean having to have sex almost 24/7 or when he is near you …. Sexual desires once in a while is fine. Its not that you are with the wrong man? Just times being together becomes boring as doing same routines together. Or the man has had a hard day at work and wants to relax so he can work harder the next day. Knowing that you are the one he desires within his emotions is all you need. Keep him interested in you as being there for him when he needs you.
    Also, the answer : To be together as being best friends who communicate with Mouth and not the lower body part will hold your relationship closer together.

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  3. Deborah A. Guerrero

    You know I can tell you that alot of women are no better these days and especially Married women I had a very good job ond worked with many women and I can tell you that these woman are just as bored with there relationships it is what it is and its about Values and Morals
    When I worked for a School district the single women where always after the Married men the reason being they were what they consider safe. They could have a great time and yet there were no pressures I always thought its not right. In 2006 my neightbor was with her husband 10 years they were swingers and married for only one year and she was a female sex offender She went after my man because after 10 yrs with a man she could only get what she said was 10 mins of sexual pleasure. She was into everything I am not and befor you knew it he was into everything he never even was cusious about she had recently taken out all her teeth so that was a given and she enjoyed sodomy. She totally rueined this guy but he let her. He denied her to this day but he would beg borrow and steal fo get what ever it was that she was putting out they both lied to her Husband Hershell everything they did half the town knew and Hershell was the biggest fool I went to there new house and he did not belive because she was the best liar and funny thing men base their oppions of other women based on Cunts like her.
    Martin learned to treat women with the lowest level of respect starting calling them bitches and so and prior to her he was a sweet and gentelman. Now he looks like someone sucked the life out of him and he has all these gross habbits like holding on himself and making remarks about sex or so called jokes like I think I am in love with a Prostitute. I asked him and her many times if they were with each other he swore there was no truth to it and the body language said something totally diffrent. What I couldn’t figure was why the lies because she was lying so hard to her husband because he would leave her mean whail Martin watched he and mirrored all other women, She gave a bad example because I am faithfull and she is one lie to the next and she is so sweet and kind but then you figure to be a child preditor she would have to be kind and nice cause other wise a Child would know better than to trust a person like her and do you know that when people heard about her being a sex offender she rolled it over like some evil bith just labled her like so and yet I looked and she was there on Vine link I was shocked and then all of a sudden she got off Parole and moved and stopped reguistering. So I think there are more hillbilly Cunts out there like her and its just not the men in any relationship you have to be casrefull and you have the right to be informed. They do not have to say exect person just that there is another partner that way you can have the choice to be safe or not at all. If I ever had any type of dease I could personally sue both him and her because she even came to my house tried to fight me and yelled and screamed knowing the whole time that she was with him. So time will tell and it dose not pay to try to cheat a friend because Karma is not kind and you can never beet her.. I had not causht them right away I knew from my gut but for trying to trust the devils play mate I made the mistake of my life and that was to give him the benfet of doubt. Thanks for your advice Angel in Fontana

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  4. TARA

    I think that in this situation, the women he had sex with were no more than flings. He enjoyed the sex, but it never had any true meaning to him. Now that he has met this woman, he has found it to be more meaningful to him, and is going to counseling to make sure everything stays this way due to the fact that he is experiencing love. The reason that he does not have sex as much is because it does not have the same effect as it once did. He is ready to commit to that one person, and has found that sex has another different meaning for him, and does not want to resort back in his old ways, in which that is the reason for the counseling.

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  5. Laurie

    I am in a relationship with a man who Liam is talking about. We found each other, had a great deal in common, have awsome sex and are still together a year and a half later and are both very much in love. I dont feel that he would stray because I do keep him sexually satisfied and we both keep our sex life exciting by me having a “dirty sex” name, dressing sexy for him, and roleplay. I have to tell you, it keeps him coming back for more! I feel I have tamed the beast in him…..

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  6. Carolyn

    Liam, I’m speaking from a spiritual point of view…your ideas and views could very well come from your own ego or humaness side of you. If that is the case then why are many men willingly out of their heart married faithfully for 30 -50 years etc. We are all built to have self control and self dicipline. If the feeling is not mutual, then it is selfish for a man to live out his animalistic instincts hurting women along the way. I say it’s okay as long as there’s a mutual agreement between two partners. However, your opinion doesn’t apply to every man…you can speak for yourself.

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  7. Jack

    I just read your comment and I, a male, will tell you that I have had the greatest sex with my wife. I fantasied about other women whether through videos but
    i couldnt wait to get into bed with my wife at any hour of the night! Ive bought lingerie for her that she never wore and it furthered my exploring the internet. The sad truth is, that my wife believes that Ive had affairs cause she believes internet affairs are actual affairs and all Ive asked of her was to provide me affection. My wife after 20 years of marriage and 4 children has advised me she no longer wishes to be married and our lives at the moment is a mess with children split living with both parents. We have an age difference, Im 53 and she 43. We did try to reconcile once however her way of reconciling was to test me as opposed to really trying as a couple. Now a days it seems that divorce is so easy as an option and that no one really wants to work hard at the marriage. To further my comment to your response that men are hunters, good women know how to tame their men and thats the excitement good men need, however good women should never go after players as they should be left in jungle!

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  8. fee

    I agree for Liam answer because, i had been for relationship for almost a year, i did everything, give my heart and soul, stop my job just to give what he ask and served him with all my heart and soul i do in love with him and give him pleasure always, whatever he want in bed. All i thought is He truly loves me..because @ first he said, and that’s why he court me and make a commitment But then after 6 month its fade and its hurt me so much,,,very hurt we broke up and he never told me until i confront him. after one month for brake up, i stay with my friend that he doesn’t like because all he thought he likes me.. He wanted to get me back and make a new commitment and start all over again , i don’t know if i am stupid doing this but i do accept him back. @First we have a big argument because of the guy i stay with, then we stay together again,we’re happy together again, and i thought its never end and i thought he changed, but after 5 months, we always got argument because his very quite and don’t want to talk too me, in we just have sex 1 or 2 times a week. not like before. His unfair,, he just want sex if he want,,,but if i want,,he never do it for me… but i still understand and still doing things that he like and always serve him as i did from my heart. But doesn’t work even i did everything to proved to him that his the only one in my heart and he own me… So hurt ,more hurt for the second time because i feel he just using me while his here away from his country. We don’t split but i just know we broke up, online that his looking other women and tell them we ,he broke up with his girlfriend. But now i am still want him and wanted to talk to him always…Liam,,,what can you say or some advice for me….Please? Thanks and More Power!

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  9. Tara

    This article is true. I know, I was with a man like that for quite awhile and I finally learned.
    It wasn’t that he didn’t love me, he did, but what he says is true. Because I loved him so much, still do, I let him go. I really didn’t want him to act like he was something he wasn’t. I made the right decision, for both of us. Listen up ladies, the news herein is fact, not fiction.

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  10. Deborah A. Guerrero

    I think they do not make the men like they use to. There were who could pass it up and would because not every man is wanting whats been around its a matter of self worth they want what no one can get if its easy for them then so for the next. Your inner beauty is what really captures a real man. Boys play and have to hit and miss them all like its a race. Not all men know how to romance a woman. A man has to open a woman up to be all that she can be and if you can not then you have to comes to terms with that. For real woman Sex is not everything it might be a big part but if I like someone I can set difference apart and make the best of the worst situation. Once a person in love or war burns me I am no better than anyone eles that hurt and rage send words out my mouth faster than I know and there I can be swearing befor God that everything you touch will crash and burn and take your health all the things your about untill you do right by me and its not right I should just for give but hell I am human I fall in love like stuiped and I end up more stuiped. I do except that the person can get away with hurting and playing with my emotions and they will lie to the end but I will always know and God for give me I do not like to see people in pain and I should not speek when I am trully hurt and its not her its his he willing did what he did as Jan has said and that may be true he may have danced with the Devil , What do know is that if the last breath you take on earth befor you leave this world you take God in and ask for forgiveness and except him and his power and the Devil will never get his dues because God never gave up on you your that one sheep that wonderer off and God let the flock to care for you and all he could do was watch over you untill you your self ask him to come to your rescue and cast out all those fears and bring back the love and beauty of life no one can do it for a person all the prayer in the world dose not work until that person of his own free will speeks to God and its never too late. The world is in a bad shape but I can sleep at night and I fear not because I know I have a special place with God.

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  11. len

    Liam’s writing is good – the story has all sorts of drama –

    When giving advise – I sometimes get caught up in having to get the words down as fast as they come to mind, because the brain is storming and it all sounds so good at the time –
    — BUT – –
    One should never assume they know that much about a person (the male partner in this case) and then comment on behalf of said person/without knowing a little more in ref.,to said person.
    Most humans, whether man or woman, have at times insatiable sexual feelings – that is normal. Some men have more testosterone than others and really do think about sex an awful lot,etc…
    The important issue here, is the fact that the divorce rate in America is running at about 60% – Crazy – Couples within our society have been influenced into thinking that less work and more play is the answer to lifes little problems.
    Liam I personally think you should of asked the lady for a little more info. You wield a tremendous amount of responsibility when giving advise.,be careful – Lives are at stake here.

    Sincerely Len…

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  12. Lorelei

    I have given up on men and really don’t care if I ever have another one. I am not willing to put myself at risk for heartache and diseases. Why put myself through that. In fact, I’m pretty much on the way to boot every male from my inner circle. They’re not worth it.

    I am thinking that if I ever settle down, it will be with a female because at least I know she would be more trustworthy than ANY male out there.

    Sorry guys, if you’re so wired to be an unethical self centered jerk, I want nothing to do with ANY OF YOU!

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  13. Liz

    Oh Liam….speak for yourself…
    I absolutely know… that no man strays if his woman can give him a decent blowjob…I say this with absolute certitude… but as a woman …a little sadness.

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  14. Duane

    I beg to differ! Iam a 42 yr.old male. Yes him and I have the same sexual appetite. I am currently in a monogamous relationship with a woman. That satisfies me Every time we are intimate. Yes it was a challenge at first to contain my appetite, but with discipline and self-control I am faithful. We have found ways to fan the flames of desire and passion in our relationship. We are intimately connected in other ways as well. We both had to decide if this was worth fighting for, suffering for, and struggling for. After that decision was made, then we took the necessary steps to conquor this battle together! Victory is sweet and so is she!

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  15. Jamesina

    Liam,really . Yes of course one man and being faithful is just how a woman is wired !!!!! Ahh who is really deluded in this thinking, hate to tell you women are not just wired this way, we actually sacrifice continually for balance. Settling or growing up You decide 🙂

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  16. ReikiGirl

    Well Liam…you told it like it is and too bad I didn’t hear this info thirty years ago. It would have saved me years and years of pain…the truth hurts, but it also sets one free. Deep thanks for your honesty.

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  17. Catarina St. John

    Liam your insight is the truth. Unfortunately people don’t like to hear the truth. Sex is natural and is just like breathing. You can love someone but still want to be with others sexually. But these problems will alway be with us. I adore your Sex Q&A.

    Cathy

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  18. Dawn Tomastik

    I like this answer for the most part but as an unconventional counselor and life coach I wish to add a few thoughts that I hope can be passed onto this woman if she chooses to continue her romantic relationship. IF in fact it is his sexual instinctive nature that is the hindrance here, then I believe compensating for it is necessary rather than just trying to “accept” the futility of what she currently desires. I would strongly suggest she play the part of the vixen, he unconsciously thinks he’s missing, whenever she is feeling this is most prevalent. Play up acting the coquette, teasing, dressing erotically, acting and smelling as seductive as femininely possible, etc.. yet acting AS IF just out of reach, that is just until the last minute WHEN he is at his most sexually aroused state then let him be the one to pursue and conquer as if it was his idea. It is my experience that this will jump start that dormant predator nature…Then just try to enjoy the particular time he is able to participate and ride it out, so to speak, until the complacency sets in again then rev up the game whenever so desired. The ones who know and understand the true male and female nature understand that although this can appear as a game, if one is truly stuck in that instinctive state (yet trying to survive in our current conventional one) then compensation is necessary and still can be fun. In our current way of thinking this is a “game” in a negative sense, but when taking into account what is being addressed here compensation is the only way to achieve what is desired to keep the attraction alive, thus also perpetuate emotional intimacy. It is important for women to understand however that this is not to be disclosed to the male otherwise THAT is when it appears a manipulative game. Just some thoughts. Thanks if able to share. ~Dawn

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  19. arise

    Just as there are fads in fashion, there are intellectual fads, and you only know you’re caught up in one until some years have passed, or the chilly mud puddle of reality gets splashed into your face.

    The impression one gets here is that the author is young, overly impressed with the theory du jour, and hasn’t yet been truly in love.

    Men overall, perhaps not the subect or author of this article, are just as capable of monogamy as women. Otherwise, why are most divorces initiated by women?

    Men fantasize. Women fantasize. What we choose to do about it is up to us. We no more ‘have to’ have sex with someone we’re momentarily attracted to, than we ‘have to’ steal food when we’re hungry, or snatch purses when we’re short on cash.

    Have thousands of years of civilization come to this – this kind of shallow rationalization?

    One man’s level of commitment, like every other human trait, lies somewhere on a continuum. Looking to Gene Simmons for relationship values, really?

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  20. James

    What Liam writes about men above is totally bogus. I am a man. I am a “normal” man. It is in my nature to determine how I behave towards others based on my moral code and based on my ability to empathize with my partners. All men are capable of empathy and while we may be “wired” to sleep around, those of us who are adults are able to make sex with one person work.

    Liam might have suggested that the woman first trust her intuition, second talk about her reservations about their sex life with her partner (maybe even including a trained, third-party counselor), and third make her decision about her relationship after having worked on figuring out the issues at play in her unique situation and having come to understand what both parties in the relationship want and need from one another.

    Human men are not werewolves or vampires. Human men are men. As human men age, they change just like human women. The woman’s partner might just be going through some stress. He might even be unwell. To imply that the woman is trying to tame some wild beast is just wrong, and could prove hurtful to both the guy and the girl.

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  21. Lorraine

    Liam, I love your no holes barred, straightforward approach to responding to such complicated matters in people’s lives. I have to say I can’t wait for Thursday’s to read your next article. You have an amazing mind, soul and heart and you share your deepest intimate feelings with all the world in such a way that can be astounding at times. I am always left thinking about what I’ve read and relate it to others who may be in the situtations presented to you. Your advice and guidance has helped so many people realize the good and bad about their relationships and significant others, and in turn you have given them a new outlook and the confidence to change things for the better. I personally want to thank you for letting me open my eyes to things I chose to deny for so long. I left a guy like the one in this query. You are 100% correct Liam, one woman is never enough to satisfy any man, no matter how much he claims to love her. It’s a sad fact that men, for the most part, are incapable of being in a monogomous relationship for any length of time. I gave my guy all I had, my mind, heart, soul and body, completely and faithfully. He had a different agenda, and I caught him. The whole time he was declaring his love for me, planning a life and future together with me, but giving himself to other women every chance he could. I found him on several dating/sex websites. I remember reading one of your articles where you encouraged the woman and told her she was too good for the man, she was a beautiful and sexual creature and worthy of so much more. I took those words to heart and recovered my self esteem that he had destroyed. Now I am happy and healthy and I hope every woman who reads your words will change something in their life to make it better and bring them the true happiness they deserve. Liam, you are my hero. Don’t ever think that what you do does not affect people lives, it gives them hope. Thank you for being who you are, and sharing that wonderful gift of yourself with all of us. Lorraine

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  22. C.J.

    Dear Liam,

    I think this article is nonsense. Did this man have a mother? Was she strong enough to tell him “NO” ten times a day when he misbehaved, like the rest of us mothers do constantly? I have a son and he is 9 and I realized early on that in order to discourage this sort of behavior later on, you have to be kind and strong and demonstrate good moral values. Church helps a lot, especially with boys, who tend to want to do what they want all day long, even at 9. There is no “raw, sort of beauty” in a cheater. He is hurtful. He hurts all (or most) of these women’s souls and he will likely pay in the next life or in heaven, when he has to account for this. There are plenty of good men out there who are fully grownup, mature and capable of keeping their erections in their pants. Monogamy is beautiful. Finding the person who adores you like you adore them is beautiful. Staying committed long into the future during the difficult times and knowing you having someone whom you can count on is beautiful.

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  23. Lena Novak

    If this would be true, then what about the meaning of “Strength” and “Chariot” of the “Major Arkana?” Doesn’t this mean that human can transform to a higher level of being by concurring his lover urges? Isn’t that what spiritual transformation is about?
    I agree, each individual has to accept and love himself for who he is, but that doesn’t mean he should not strive for improvement. Maybe the man in this article is ready to transform, and what he needs right now is love, support and understanding from the woman he loves. Sex is only cherry on top of a healthy and mature relationship.

    Namaste,
    Lena

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  24. yomama

    Well, Liam while some of your explanation of men’s sexually predatory traits are true, this cannot be the whole story or we woman will all be doomed. I’m sorry it angers me when I hear these reasons for a man’s behaviour. DNA must exist to be in a monogamous r’p or the family system or ‘tribe’ would completely fall apart. No, there is no beauty to this behaviour and no sane women would accept a man being in your words ‘predatory’. If this is really what is going on, you give her no real advice of what to do, like play more hard to get, be more distant, go on a vacation with the girls, find your own power etc. etc. As soon as you leave them for awhile and not be their doormat, they will have more respect for you. Yes, I’ve dealt with men like this and it’s the most frustrating thing in the world!@#^& If these men are worthless animals, it’s better to let these men be alone and not procreate and let their ‘predatory’ genes die out!! Who the hell needs them anyway LOL!!!

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  25. Belinda

    Love is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, I asked a male friend why it was so hard to find someone to date or why men wasn’t asking me out and he told me because I was very out spoken, very direct, he said men was intimidated by me..I don’t know why, because I feel like I’m a very loving person, and a giving person..

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  26. Rose Mary Garza

    I’m in the same situation with my boyfriend, hes a great, terrific lover and it seems that I can’t get enough of him. He tells me there is no other and that he is very happy but honestly I think he wants a mama figure like I always have his cloths washed, starched, and ironed I get up early cook him his breakfast and dinner for when he got home from work. So when it comes for the time to go to bed he sits in the living room watching t.v. News, then David Letterman it never changes oh then sports that is an everyday thing. And while doing that HE IS ON HIS COMPUTER. Now you must of though that you had problems with your boyfriend I think I have the worse problem. H E L P what should I do? Leave him or stay and yes I do Love him and he knows that there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for him.

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  27. mary randall

    wow, thanks for that blatant honesty thru the feast of ironies, pleasures and pains. you certainly made some womans day when she read that. well said liam! i know every word of it is true. thats why i am divorced twice since 1989. i now open myself to the idea of trying again but at the same time i must keep in mind, he is a man and can i deal with THE TRUTH IN A WAY THAT I CAN ACCEPT HIM. i might try but this i finally learned, i have to accept the possibilty of him cheating and not let it bother me, if i cant do this i need to leave it alone because i hate jealousy and insecurity and lifes too short for that. after reading your post nobody can argue that there are no honest men thats for sure 😉

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  28. lisa

    Dear Liam, with all due respect, what a crock of crap! She didn’t force him into a relationship with her! he entered it of his own free will! The trouble with most men is this, they want to contiune to act single after they’re in a relationship. Nobody forced him to go into this monogamous union,he chose it! Here’s a news flash for you…when you ask someone to be in a exculsive relationship with you, then you should be READY to leave your single life behind!!

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  29. Cathy

    I feel that a lot was left unaddressed here (time and space constraints no doubt). I left a relationship not dissimilar from the above. There was no libido for the male partner after the initial ‘conquest’ and I was told that this had played out before with other girlfriends. There was also ED in the picture. I started to wonder very early on if he was bisexual also. It was a long distance relationship but we both worked hard at it. Unlike the man portrayed above, the man I was involved with did not work on his issues actively. I have strong sexual desires and wished to express them intimately and frequently when we were together — but he had excuses (although he would express attraction and give compliments) and scenarios that left the relationship barren.

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  30. Tammy

    I think Liam is dead wrong! I have had several relationships with good men that were not sex crazed and after other women. I don’t think ALL men have such high sex drives that one woman could never be enough for them. Thats all fantasy crap! Yes I think that men in general have higher sex drives than women usually…but it’s ridiculous to think that No man can and will be monogamous! Kudos to all you good men out there that are faithful and loving to your women! “There is truly only one happiness in life…to love and be loved”

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  31. Sabina Tibold

    Interesting tale Liam, man is is a strange beast — or not… Animals have their seasons, like Nature has her seasons. Humans don’t want to claim their seasons, only yearn for continuum. Women, claim your lives and don’t depend on a man for satisfaction. If you have a preditor mate, become one yourself and if stalking is a foot, catching is a feast :))))))

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  32. Michelle

    I don’t believe that every man in the world is hell bent on sexual conquest. My boyfriend suggested long term manogamy to me, because I felt that as a single unmarried woman, I feel the need to mantain my non- exclusivity until I am married…Go Figure..

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  33. Lynn

    Thanks for that great explanation! It really was. Now, I understand why I felt “used”, but men need to stop and think about how women really feel before they go on their “hunt”. They need to be upfront and let that woman know how it is going to be. That way, we either can move on or except it.

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  34. louella

    I find it very sad the man’s opinion about men have come to this.
    What more must women except and bare… haven’t we been through enough, Must everything revolve around man,

    I have yet to watch a commercial of sexy men with their bady parts out being available to please a womens needs. If it’s men then it’s gay men for men.
    For Christ sakes when does all this sickness and madness stop. When do we as Humans switch our light of logic on and take responsibility for our faults and weaknesses and try to work on them,Just as we do with any other life challenges we experience in life. Whether it be drinking, drugs, smoking, gambling, sexual betrayal ect.
    We are imperfect but we have been giving a conscious heart and the ability to know right from wrong, but most of all the gift of faith and change. There is nothing we can’t change if we want to. Change is just a thought away for the better or for worse, so if you choose to accept and believe because you’re a man you have to cheat then thats what you want to believe.and there are enough theories to counteract the guilt.
    Like men are hunters and need to spread their seed ect. What a load of crap… Most of the men who are cheating on their partners have no intentions what so ever of spreading their seed and making another women pregnant, they just want to have sex period…. which is why many end up paying for sex.

    We are all humans born with feelings, male and female… we all cry, feel, and hurt when we are betrayed especially when we commit to a relationship and love someone, It is human nature.

    We desire to be loved and we want love, but we are so mixed up about what love should be, how it should feel, what it should mean,we are so misinformed and destructively taught that we just accept any theory they throw at us.

    Where are the answers….. right there in your Heart. You know in your heart you are born to experience love and if your lucky unconditional love, thats why we have such strong feelings for someone and why it hurts so much when we are betrayed, because that is natural response and your heart lets you know when it’s wrong and when it hurts,
    Your conditioned mind may tell you differently and may stop you from being able to allow your love to flow,but your heart holds the truth. We are all born with a heart and we should learn to listen to it and let it direct us to the truth about love.
    It makes no difference what sex you are male, female, gay, bi it does not matter the heart is searching and yearning for love.

    This is the real truth and it’s time that we start trying to fight for love not against love, There is nothing more inspiring and wonderful on this earth then when two people who have open their hearts and let love rule. There should be more people out there fighting for the most precious gift given to us from birth.

    There is something seriously wrong with our system but it’s not something we can not fixed by understanding the truth about love,

    For change is but a thought away………..

    When we learn to listen to our hearts and not some man made theories and excuses.

    louella

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  35. Melanie

    And lastly, the “scripted male” always believes that “boys will be boys” and or use outdated information such as “males need to populate. That’s why they are cheaters”! Hahah! If you really want to help the male population … start pointing them to the book “raising cain”! Poor boys are desensitized at birth and raised up to be emotional idiots by their parents. Something that has to change …. or not?? Since women are soon to be the top wage earners … maybe Karma is enacting the burning of the liliths … and the earth is restoring order and balance. When women lead societies/communities … There is order, peace …. not destruction. However, we do need to start raising emotionally connected boys. Sad thought process you have and extremely misinformed.

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  36. Melanie

    By the way …. your hero “Gene Simmons” is a full on narcissist. Hmmmm? Funny how you seem to think a-like?? And this guy that this poor woman is pining over … is also.

    Male and female cheaters that can’t maintain emotional and physical monogamy fall into three personality disorder types … “Passive, passive aggressive and narcissism. Just a fact.

    Cheaters like Gene Simmons are really little children who were hurt very badly as children and are unable to be vulnerable! They fear control because “mommy” controlled everything about them. Sad but true. Makes me wonder about you. Tragically, these types always end up alone … never understanding ethics, deep love, deep sexuality. These types are mutant human beings …. walking diseases. Lol

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  37. Melanie

    I think Liam needs to get with the times! Lol! I’m a woman, married for 20 years and have never “just thought about one man”! Liam, you paint women into “Disney Princesses”. Truly, women are now the leading cheaters in monogamous relationships. Some experts believe … Women always have been. The difference between female and male cheaters … women don’t get caught. You need to step off your “scripted stereotypical box” and become enlightened.

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  38. Jim

    Liam is courageous to leave an answer on the internet that is so different from classical ideas of monogamy. There is, of course, some sense in which the answer he gives makes sense. It isn’t so strange or warped that we could not understand what he meant. However, it seems clear that Liam is missing big pieces of the puzzle, perhaps the biggest pieces. He sees human sexuality in a correct way—propagation of the species and all that. However, he underestimates the total function it serves. More importantly, he’s missing the gateway into higher and better experience—for himself and for his clients. This “psychic” or “seer” is himself quite blind in an important area—human sexuality. Liam, go off and learn before you go off and teach.

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  39. Debra

    I’ve been in the same sort of relationship, but I take away something different from the experience; the guy I loved was married a long time, 20 years, but admitted he had no real sex drive for her. She finally began to have affairs and they got divorced. He was interested sexually in me for about 6 months when I was first seperated, then his eye started to wander. He is only interested/attracted to those who he has NOT slept with. We are “together” but in a non-sexual way. No sex at all I’m talking. Been together 7 years, the first few years, sex happened when i forced the issue, then maybe once a year, now, none at all the past few years. So basically, we are just “friends” (without benefits!) Though, he doesn’t have sex with anyone else either. before me, he went 2 years without, after his divorce.

    So not all guys want sex. He jokes he shoulda been a priest. Recently, found his testosterone level is low side of normal. That explains some of it, and his interest in “strange” women (those not slept with) explains the rest of him. But it still leaves me without sex, and I have a normal sex drive. So, if I were you, I’d run as fast as you can, unless you want to live without or have affairs. You begin to feel ugly and it’s very hard on self-esteem.

    They begin to think of you as a “mother” figure–the old Madonna/whore syndrome. Which is fine if you can handle that–some can. There are guys out there who like sex and stay attracted enough to you to have it often enough, and not cheat on you either. keep looking.

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  40. antwaneca

    I kind of feel that your answer is wrong. I have kind of same situation and but my man still rips my clothes away and the sex is still great, but he sometimes don’t come in to bed until the time I have to wake up for work! And when he does I like to cuddle and he pushes me away. Every day he always say I’m so beautiful and I’m the best but why don’t I believe him.Can u tell me what’s wrong with that?

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  41. Kutie

    So what EXACTLY is Liam advising her to do? Just to accept his philandering and womanizing and that’s it? Oh, I see…she just has to make SURE he ALWAYS wears a condom, even IF they may marry, and she just be EXTREMELY careful that she doesn’t catch some STD from him, so that LOVE can prevail, right? I’d say there is something “wrong” with this picture,….I know I wouldn’t settle for a relationship like THAT!!

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  42. Dee

    In response to your answer to the “In love with the wrong person”. Seriously? I laughed all the way through it. Men are not cave men anymore. Most of them have evolved. The ones that still use the “instinct”, “hunter” and “boys will be boys” crap are just loosers that, bottom line, care only about themselves. When people are in a true loving realtionship, they are ready to commit, and both parties give 100% (including sexually) you should not need anyone else. Sure, its ok to look, even flirt…but its about commitment, morals, decency and respect. If you are not ready for commitment…..dont do it. There are many, many guys that are evolved enough to be in truly happy relationships with one woman. Im not buying what you are selling for a minute…..its just the same sad old excuse that some men use to “excuse” themselves for being a a cheater and a jerk. How sad to be a slave to ones penis and continually whore oneself out…..men like that must feel hollow inside. You do not sound like a man that has ever been in a committed, loving relationship with a woman, so how would you know?

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  43. Nomie

    WOW! i have never ever understood men and their sexual habits/behaviour until NOW! Liam….you are Godsent, laid it out there for everyone to be informed(thank you) good luck to the lady(maybe one day she can tame the beast)

    Reply
  44. Eleanor Cummins

    Liam, this man sounds like a sex addict, – that is a very serious condition- dismissing the idea is possibly dangerous- As he may be getting his thrills eleswhere. The woman could read “codependent no more” by Melani Griffith & find a 12 step group so she can have a look at herelf. It is said we find out who we are in relationships, & our flaws become clear- & unhealthy patterns that cause us pain. SIncerely yours

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  45. Sibusiso

    Very profound… I have wondered for many years whether I would ever commit and settle but have found no reason yet to do so.

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  46. Aida Bon

    Hi Liam, I will ask the same question every time I read a column of yours. When will all of your columns be published? In your answer on the 17th of august I think you might have advised that man to become a Gigolo. He will always be able to love woman with no strings attached. My book will be publishe by the end of 2011. The title: “MY MEN, MY LOVERS, MY GIGOLO’S AND I! Mind blowing………………..The right Gigolo can be an amazing experience for a woman. He will approach a woman in a spiritual Tantric way and not like a ravenous gorilla or crocodile.
    Love Aida.

    Reply
  47. Jo

    Your response to “In Love With The Wrong Person” certainly strikes a nerve with me. I must have been stupid to believe that ‘he’ actually was into me when all he wanted was sex. The saying ‘men use love to get sex, whilst women use sex to get love’ is so true.
    I’ve had feelings for him for about 4 months before we started going out like 4 or 5 times.
    Well he did get the sex even though it was only a couple of times.
    Obviously, he is now not wanting to have anything else to do with me.
    Whilst i thought we could be something or have something more.
    But it’s now left me hurt, sad and depressed. We are still colleagues, we were friends and used to be able to talk and laugh and joke; now it’s so tense when we see each other.
    Liam, is there any hope in trying to get him back to be friends at least?

    Reply

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