Sex Q&A: Clear Up Your Heart’s Dilemma

There are times in our life that we finally feel the urge to quit following our normal routine, paths, and routines and we feel we should follow our hearts. The issue becomes that sometimes that may not be the best path to follow as your heart can blur the reality of the situation. Many times this takes some time to process and make a decision. In this scenario Liam explains that following your heart may not be the best for the rest of you.

Gain Clarity in Matters of the Heart

Renne asks:

I’ve been married for 35 years. I was seeing a married man for the last 10 years. After all this time I thought we were both ready to leave our spouses and become honest people. I asked my husband for a divorce and found out the married man asked his wife for a divorce and he moved in with another women. My family and friends tell me I am nuts to persue him. He made his choice. I should be mad. Should I persue him and hope he realizes he made a mistake? Get personalized advice from a psychic!

Liam’s  Response:

Greetings, Renee, and thank you for sharing this difficult dilemma. Pain and raw experience are the medium in which the seeds of true wisdom are sown. Never shun the cuts and bruises of life. They mellow the heart and refine the character, gracing the soul with rich patina. For 10 years you held this lover close and your abode with him was the midnight realm of stardust and enchantment. Your marriages were different things… contractual things… full of work and bills and responsibilities. Not so much fun, those things, but necessary for the functioning of our human hive. There were reasons this relationship you enjoyed for 10 years never developed a more traditional form. Ironically, you could choose to continue your clandestine affair with this man and it would probably last another 10 years.

Every relationship has its own energy. Every relationship is a living, evolving creation with its own distinct nature and a predisposition to certain expressions. I look at this man and I see that his wisdom was questionable and his actions cruel. Certainly he should have ended his relationship with you before he ended his marriage, if only to avoid the confusion that has been so painful to you. But the fact is, you were never someone he considered marriage material, and even now he relishes the idea of keeping you around as his lover. If you enjoy occupying that space in his life, then go for it. But know that this is the only space he will ever make for you. As I have so often said, the role a woman is assigned inside a man’s head rarely ever alters. From the start this man cast you as the mistress… the secret, taboo lover… and so in his head you remain.

As to pursuit, I agree with your family and friends. Indeed, unless her purpose is purely sexual, no woman should ever pursue a man. If you’re in love it’s okay to pine, obsess, flirt and encourage, but a woman who chases after a man completely devalues herself. If you really want my advice, then I say you need to take a break from men period. Your life seems be over-weighted with men. Why not focus on yourself for a while? Take a trip, go back to school, study Russian history or learn to square dance… Climb a mountain or two and just enjoy being Renee for a bit. You’ll find it’s a pretty cool thing to be, and in time things will get clearer.

Liam

Do you have a question for Liam? Ask Liam your question now.

9 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Clear Up Your Heart’s Dilemma

  1. vicky

    what happened to the “devotion of your spouse pel”?? I think that you want a free ride and a free meal… “no mentainance requirements” from your part. You seem to be satisfied with the windfalls in your yard, without even a grateful thank you note to life. I suggest that you need to clear your mind and heart from your baggage – after so many decades of rocky marriage – take care of yourself – without messing up with any woman, until you have become once again worthy for keepers.

    Reply
  2. Courtney x5036

    Liam, what a great article. You are so right. Once a man puts you in a certain category in his heart it rarely alters. Words we can all live by.

    Reply
  3. somima

    how soothing it is to read this words about pain and wisdom for everyone who finds themeselves in times of darkness- seems you are a true magician Liam – speeking words of wisdom! LET IT BE (as the beatles said before)

    very good advice as always

    Reply
  4. Aimee

    Again, excellent insight and advice, Liam.
    Beautiful: “Pain and raw experience are the medium in which the seeds of true wisdom are sown. Never shun the cuts and bruises of life. They mellow the heart and refine the character, gracing the soul with rich patina…”
    ~<3~

    Reply
  5. Rose

    This really hit home.I was in a situation close to the one Renee experienced.Liam I agree with you’r advice,but I didnt know it till I read it.Thank you.

    Reply
  6. BERT

    MY HUSAND HAS DONE LEFT ME FOR HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND AND RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO BAD I FEEL LIKE I HAVE BEEN USE BY BOTH OF THEM

    Reply
  7. LTG

    I made 6years being married today my husband had been having an affair the last two years he went to jail in Nov.2010 while he was in jail his mistress called me and told me that she was pregnant with twins for my husband after finding out it was true I thought I was goIng to have a nervous breakdown I lost 52 pOunds from stressing over this but after finding out bout this I still was there for my husband and tried keeping my marriage together do while in jail I finds out that he’s still communicating with this other woman so I got mad and told him its over because I couldn’t take no more so after he was released in may 2012 he moved with this woman and didn’t come talk to me about nothing as if he don’t owe me an explanation. I am his wife and he has really disrespected me all I want to know I’d it u see us getting back together oh and his mother plays a big big part in everything that’s going on

    Reply
  8. Dave

    Hi Liam,

    I am middle aged with a rocky marraige. In February, I developed a friendship with a young college classmate and have since become infatuated with her. When I first met her she was very attentive toward me-signing up for the same courses, sitting beside me in class, paying me compliments, riding the train home with me. At the time I made it clear that I was devoted to my spouse. She had mentioned how lonely she was and how empty her life was. Soon after she found a boyfriend and gradually began to cool off with me although she still sat beside me, went for burgers with me and rode the train home with me. I am between semesters and haven’t corresponded with her for a couple of weeks. Should I 1. Let go and move on? 2. Keep in touch but play it cool? 3. Pursue her casually? 4. Pursue her fervently?

    Whaddya Think/Feel/Sense?
    Dave

    Reply
  9. Dave

    Hi Liam,

    I am middle aged with a rocky marraige. In February, I developed a friendship with a young college classmate and have since become infatuated with her. When I first met her she was very attentive toward me-signing up for the same courses, sitting beside me in class, paying me compliments, riding the train home with me. At the time I made it clear that I was devoted to my spouse. She had mentioned how lonely she was and how empty her life was. Soon after she found a boyfriend and gradually began to cool off with me although she still sat beside me, went for burgers with me and rode the train home with me. I am between semesters and haven’t corresponded with her for a couple of weeks. Should I 1. Let go and move on? 2. Keep in touch but play it cool? 3. Pursue her casually? 4. Pursue her fervently?

    Whaddya Think/Feel/Sense?
    Dave

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *