Red Responds: His Relationship is Going Backwards

David from Smiths Falls writes:

I feel like my relationship is going backwards. Valentine’s Day came and went and not even a card from her … I went all out — card, handmade gift, cake, etc. As usual, when I do anything for her, it comes from the heart. However, I feel that she didn’t appreciate it, and is trying to avoid me. She doesn’t ask if I want to come over and visit anymore, she doesn’t visit me at my place, and sex has pretty much stopped. Am I beating an old dog, or should I just put it down and move on? I really don’t feel that the spark is there anymore, and I have been feeling really lonely … what do you see? Please help, as I don’t want to lose this one — it used to be great.

Dear David,

The reason your relationship feels like it is going backwards is because you have a very confused woman on your hands. Even though she does care about you very much, she is largely taking you for granted. She isn’t as touched or appreciative of all the effort you put forth, and little things you do for her. She just expects you to keep being you.

Your girlfriend is quite successfully pushing you away, without directly telling you to go away. Part of her wants to be with you, but part of her is looking for greener pastures. It’s a very confusing time for her, and a complicated time for your relationship.

Even though it is a risk, you need to talk with her about how you are feeling. She will tell you that she doesn’t know what she wants when it comes to this relationship, but at least the two of you can map out some boundaries and a plan that is more workable to each of you, while she sorts things out.

While I don’t see her stepping up quickly to make things easier for you, if you choose to hang in there, your persistence will eventually pay off. While you can’t necessarily recreate the past, you can build a more open and honest relationship, with a more balanced platform.


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