Red Responds: Will He Ever Be Ready for a Quality Relationship?

Michelle in Flagstaff writes:

Will I ever be ready for a quality, healthy relationship? My heart was broken almost two years ago by someone who used me as a financial stepping stone. She left me no closure with her or her children, and I have been left wondering how people like her can use someone like me and seem to have no remorse. I’m a very kind-hearted and giving person, and have been easily taken advantage of in the past. Life has had a lot of trauma for me, and her actions feel like the straw that broke the camel’s back. I really want to know if I will recover from it, and if I will go on to meet someone truly special? Thank you Red, and many blessings to you!

Dear Michelle,

It can be very difficult to heal from a broken heart, but you do have the capacity. You just need to muster up a bit more of the desire. The wounds this relationship left you with still feel pretty fresh. A little effort on your part, along with the magic of time, and you will start to let go of the past and allow yourself to heal.

It is unfortunate that this relationship ended the way that it did, and that you really weren’t given the opportunity for some kind of closure with her children. Even though it isn’t likely to make you feel any less used, there was a time when your ex did care about you. Although it looks like this never was the healthiest or most balanced union, the entire relationship wasn’t a lie.

Some people are “givers” and others are “takers.” This can make for a troubling and turbulent relationship combination. You are a “giver,” and your “taker” ex took everything that you had to give. She feels bad about some things, but she isn’t going to let that define her. In the end, she just looks at it as a relationship that didn’t work out. Even though that sounds pretty cold, you should, too.

You will work through this, and get to a place where you will be open to, and interested in, finding someone to love. When you get to that place, aim a little higher. I know you aren’t a conceited or strongly judgmental person, but don’t be afraid to expect that your next partner brings more positive qualities to the table. When you align yourself with someone who sees you only as someone who can help them, you have just recognized a potential imbalance, an open door to feeling like you’ve once again been taken advantage of. Hold out for someone you recognize as your equal, and you are less likely to repeat past mistakes.

It’s going to be a while before you are really ready to open yourself to anyone romantically, but it will happen. Trust your experience and instincts, and the dating minefield won’t be so challenging to navigate. Eventually, you will find someone who cares more about you than she does herself. It is with this woman that your happiness will be found.


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