Sex Q&A: Are They in Love With You?

Are Porn and Sex Addicts Capable of Love?

Stephanie from Logan, Utah asks:

How can I know for sure if the person I’m attracted to is in love with me? He is also a porn and sex addict. I’m wondering if they even have the ability to be in love with someone.

Liam’s Response:

I’m afraid there’s no diplomatic way to put my answer, Stephanie. Your statements about this man are self-righteous and judgmental and frankly, it all sounds like a bad case of sour grapes to me. You can’t have this man the way you want him so you seek out “faults” he may or may not have in order to devalue and debase him. I’ve made my personal thoughts on the myth of sex addiction very clear here in the past. Sex is a poetic act…an act of pleasure…a personal flow of biology and chemistry. I suppose we could all be considered addicted to it, since we’re all essentially hardwired to have it often with a variety of partners. As for pornography…this is an art form…an expressive medium. I realize it’s been labeled the evil culprit for every ill under the sun from mental illness to Ted Bundy’s killing sprees. But the fact is, it’s simply a creative projection. Nobody’s ever accused of being addicted to Abstract Expressionism or French literature…

I know there’s a debate over the definition of exactly what addiction is and I personally am from the old school: People get addicted to physically addictive substances like heroine, nicotine and alcohol. The rest is just a modern head game. Now, it is true, a person can become “obsessed” with just about anything…even to the point of great personal detriment…but that is not the same thing as the disease of addiction.

What I see in this man is a normal, healthy human being who likes to indulge in sex with various partners. He’s honest about this and probably also doesn’t hide the fact that he enjoys pornography as well. He is more than capable of love, but your version of it including forms of ownership and restriction doesn’t appear to be his cup of tea. For you to claim another person isn’t capable of this important human emotion because of their lifestyle choices or what they decide to do with their own body is beyond reprehensible. The simple fact is, this man doesn’t want you. You already know this and it makes you angry. Your anger makes you judgmental and that’s a dangerous thing to be.

Liam

Do you have a question for Liam? Ask Liam your question now.

23 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Are They in Love With You?

  1. Amanda

    This is by far the worst response I have read on this site. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but his response was beyond defensive. This woman presented this man as a sex addict, but she fail to discuss why she believed he was indeed an sex addict. He should have told her to try again when you are ready to provide more detail. Frankly, he was not responding to her, but to the mental health community. His response is extremely biased and I am quite sure it had a countereffect on this woman.

    Reply
  2. dawnlane

    RIGHT ON, AND VERY WELL SAID. LOVE HAS NO RESTRICTIONS OR BOUNDARIES. SEX IS SEX, IF SHE WOULD PULL HER HEAD OUT. SHE MIGHT FIND THAT SHE COULD WATCH WITH HIM, AND ITS JUST ONE MORE BEDROOM TOY. BET SHE DOESNT MIND HER VIBRATOR! LOOSEN UP GIRL.. LIFE IS JUST WHAT IT IS.. ITS SO SHORT. FIND LOVE AND RESPECT FOR YOURSELF, AND YOU MIGHT FIND A WHOLE NEW LIFE THAT YOU LOVE. NO, PERSONALLY, I AM NOT INTO THE GROUP THING OR SWITCHING PARTNERS. BUT, I KNOW I DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE; FOR ANYTHING. YOU SAY YOU LOVE HIM, BUT; YOU DONT ACCEPT HIM UNCONDITIONALLY. HOW CAN HE LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY AS YOU ARE. YOUR A HYPOCRITE.. GROW UP!

    Reply
  3. Jan

    i actually liked liams direct and strightforward reply. its a refreshing change. lets look at this another way, i woman asked a question about a man that perhaps she doesnt even know that well. she placed judgment on him and flat out said that he was not capable of loving someone based on his lifesytle. and why would she want him if she considered his habits distasteful to her. well she got her answer. i would rather have a simple truthful answer. freedom of speech, dont ask if you are going to be afraid of an answer. and dont complain when its not the answer you expected. cant have it both ways.

    good answer liam,

    Reply
  4. just me

    Men are strange , if the porn is interfering in your relationship and he rather be with the porn than you, it most likely is a problem he would have with any day to day tangible relationship no matter whom he is dating.However, if he wants a porn star he may end up with much more than he bargained for, another words, he may just just need an open relationship. You can’t make someone be the person you want them to be. If he came into the relationship with all his cards on the table you have nothing to be upset about…but, if he tricked you into a relationship you have every reason to be upset , cut him loose, it’s in your best interest. If this relationship is hurtful to you you need to leave, he can’t be the man you want him to be nor will he ever be that man. I ,myself am a visual person and like porn as well, sometimes a pleasant diversion if you are not with a person you deem physically attractive, it heats things up. I choose not to have porn in my home and I never download it on the internet… too many legal gray areas, rentals or pay per view on occasion.If you are miserable or constantly feeling less than in this relationship, for your own self love and mental health you need to leave, either enjoy the ride for what it is, or bail.

    Reply
  5. martha

    As a psychologist, I am suggesting that Stephanie speak with another psychic other than Liam. She obviously hit a personal nerve with him. In giving advice whether we are a psychic or a licensed psychologist or psychiatrist, we must temper our verbage. Our personal feelings need to be set aside, to deal with the issues in a way the client can relate to us.

    We can offer another viewpoint of looking at the issue of porn and sex, without hitting the client over the head with a frying pan.

    Liam needs to realize that this is not his personal site or soapbox to spew.

    Reply
  6. R. R.

    I’m actually going to go on record of being completely with Liam on this. I think that our hetero-normative, judeo-christian society tells us that sex is a shameful thing and should only be enjoyed if it is thoroughly justified by marriage/commitment and emotional intimacy.

    The simple truth is that sex if fun. I am a healthy 25 yr old woman. I like sex. I like porn. I like multiple partners of both genders.

    However: I am honest, ethical, health conscious, and open about my lifestyle.

    And I am certainly capable of deep, passionate, lasting love.

    But for me love is a whole lot more than promising my private parts to someone.

    Reply
  7. Sudeepa

    Liam,

    I am one of your fond reader who always appreciate your take on any subject as being genuine. Though I sincerely believe and follow monogamy. Still I always appreciate your view due to the fact I know and understand that contradicting forces and ideas coexist in our world. There is nothing called Universal truth. All conflicting perceptions are part of Universal truth.
    While you have a right to believe in polygamy and follow it with your reasons, others have their rights too to believe in monogamy and follow it. If you expect them not to be judgmental to your view point then you should also show respect to their views. Just like varied colors, forms, culture, religion, race, Polygamy/monogamy both are equally universal truth. It is a personal choice. No one knows which one is more natural as Creator/Nature did not write it down anywhere for us to read.
    You often bring instance of animals to prove Polygamy as natural. But, I have seen a different trend too. I have many pet cats in my home and in my neighborhood. I have seen many male cats becoming monogamous after finding a regular mate. I heard this is true for Tigers in the wild too. But, there are other male animals like Lion and Elephant who always keep many sex partners. So in animal world too, both Polygamy and Monogamy is a personal choice. Neither is the only universal truth. Please ponder on what I have said with a open mind and reflect. Thank You. And, please know, I still respect you.

    Reply
  8. gsdgroomer

    I wonder why anyone writes to Liam with a question about fidelity. If you read all of his answers, he doesn’t believe people are wired for it! If you don’t want to hear that answer, then don’t ask the question. If you want to be told that the person in question is “bad” or “not behaving correctly”, I would suggest talking with one of your friends or family members.

    He does not have the same views about sex. Not all cultures and people do. Nothing wrong with that! We are each unique and so are our views.

    If you truly want to know how the person in question is seeing things, then ask that. If you want him to vilify this person for wanting to express their sexuality with different people, keep on wanting. He certainly tells people if he thinks they deserve a better partner, but it is not based on whether or not they are faithful. It seems to be more about them being a man and not a watered down version so many women seem to want, or being a woman who is true to her nature and not repressing it for society’s approval. He also says that if you claim to love someone, love them as they are.

    I don’t believe there is a “true right” or “true wrong”. I do believe that people can find things acceptable or not for them in all aspects of life.

    If a partner being “unfaithful” in your definition of it, is not acceptable to you, please find another partner who is on the same page as you are. Be honest with them about your expectations. If they are not willing to join you, wish them well and move on.

    It really is as simple as that.

    Reply
  9. Kessa

    What Liam said is more judgmental than anything Stephanie said.
    It is important to find someone who’s compatible. I don’t believe in “”Ownership” but I do believe in RESPECT!

    Reply
  10. Tasha

    Sorry, but given the chemical release that sex produces I think that a person could very well become addicted to sex or pornography just as easily as they might become addicted to heroin. Sex is a natural and normal act to be sure but if someone practices it to the oblivion of other life details then I imagine that they could be considered an addict. There is no shame in being addicted to something or having been addicted to it. Without knowing more about the person in question, it would be difficult to say if they loved you or not. I left a man who was a sex addict, though I did love him and I believe that he loved me. I just didn’t have the energy to compete with a harem of women that I didn’t even know. Even worse was that he lied to me about it.

    Reply
  11. Jane dough

    Whoever gave this type of advice!! Is sick and possibly have a problem as well that you need to evaluate your own self before you give any advice. Now I normally read what you all have to say for my horoscope but after reading this have given me a reason not to read any of you all predictions nor advice. I have been thinking about calling in to talk with one of your psychics but now I am a little skeptical.

    Reply
  12. Hopey

    Ditto….I fiend Liam being angry and judgemental towards Stephanie as well. Also, there is nothing healthy about being addicted to anything. And NO, addiction is not limited to substances…..

    Reply
  13. kiya

    Thank you mulz. I almost opened my mind to liam’s interpretation of something that never sat right with me. You plainly justified why it doesn’t and you provided facts. Thank you.

    Reply
  14. mulz

    haha! sounds like liam is a porn addict to be so defensive! and some people use the excuse of polyamory to justify disloyal behavior. if it is not mutual IT IS NOT JUSTIFIABLE.

    “Sex is a poetic act…an act of pleasure…a personal flow of biology and chemistry”… sure BUT when it becomes routine to the point of NOT being able to enjoy/perform the act of pleasure/love/biology with real humans & all that is manageable is stimulation of internet or magazine gratification THIS IS THE DANGER, my friend. porn also imposes unreal expectations on the female- how to act, look, shave, etc….

    “What I see in this man is a normal, healthy human being who likes to indulge in sex with various partners. He’s honest about this and probably also doesn’t hide the fact that he enjoys pornography as well.” how do you know he’s honest, liam?
    typically those that are “addicted”/obsessed with internet porn are not totally honest about it & there is often an underlying issue with trust and/or guilt to not feel comfort with real humans.

    i also have found that men who have multiple partners are afraid to trust themselves enough to be involved with just one partner. they are running from themselves & are self-centered, simply in the act for pleasure not love. yes, yes you may say i am brainwashed into thinking this way because society says monogamy is the only way but it is personal experience. i also am not against triadic relationships, FYI.

    liam thinks porn is an art form??? well, so is having an awesome bowel movement! beauty is in the eye of the beholder…..to each his own!

    porn is not real sex. porn is entertainment, a falsehood= make-believe.

    Reply
  15. MJD

    Liam, You are right on about your answer. I love a man who loves sex and into porn. We both enjoying watching porn together. In doing so, we have had some mind blowing sex that otherwise would not have happened. But most of all we do not judge each other.

    Reply
  16. Rhonda

    I love your open mindedness and your direct cut through the bullshit! I have learned through the years about relationships and sexuality. Initially I had the usual social hang ups regarding pornography, cheating, and all things that society considers taboo. But thru the years by having different relationships and experiences and finally being truthful to myself I find that I enjoy just about everything society deems inappropriate. I no longer believe in “ownership” of another even if you’re married to them. I love my sexuality and enjoy expressing it in any way that pleases me. If others would be more honest with themselves and quit trying to put everyone and every relationship into this cookie cutter recipe that society has decided what’s right or not, the world would be happier for it.

    Reply
  17. Denise Husson

    Liam, I would love to talk to you sometime! You seem so brilliant in most of your answers and you are amazing!! I had to end a relationship with a Libra Man 2 months ago!! It has been horrible for me because I am missing him soo very much! I wish I had insite to what he is thinking about with us!! I had to let him go in hopes that some day he will realize what he has lost in me and return to me. If not, it was not meant! I am a Taurus born April 27th!!

    I guess I am wondering if he will make a call to me at any point in time!! Thank you Liam

    Denise

    Reply
  18. robin

    wow..I am shocked by this psychic’s answer to a simple question of “how do I know if he’s in love with me”? Liam’s answer is angry and judgmental toward Stephanie. And her question/concern was never answered!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *