Victim vs. Victor

I was raised by an alcoholic and an unstable mother. I became a master at becoming invisible — putting everyone else’s needs and wants ahead of my own. It has also turned me into a “broken soul-collector.”

Anyone who had ever invited me to their home or done anything nice for me was “adopted” and made me feel eternally indebted to keep providing friendship, love, financial aid, shelter or whatever else a person needed.

If or when I would start feeling resentful, it would make me feel like a hypocrite, because in my head I was supposed to keep giving unconditionally and not expect anything back. I was robbed of the ability to set boundaries, and truly really understand the difference between a friend in need and a user — a person who was going through a temporary slump and a permanent victim.

I always thought I was a tolerant and forgiving person, but find myself in situations where it seems inauthentic and “wrong” to be either. I often wonder what ever happened to accountability, integrity, and honesty. At times, I find myself angry when I look around. Kids who go nuts in school used to get an earful from their parents, maybe a spanking, these days we call it ADD and give them Ritalin. Depression used to be something we’d treat with meds for a temporary period of time, now we are calling it a permanent disease and doctors keep writing prescriptions for psych meds without a second thought.

Addicts who make it to rehab learn they can get over their addictions, but are also confronted with the consequences of their choices. Now, it’s all lumped into a horrible disease and while we are allowed to be angry at the actions of an addict, we should never be angry at the addict, because they are the ones suffering from a disease that makes them do things. It’s the disease talking and we need to be tolerant, forgiving and kind, even if they keep choosing to drink/eat/use and even if it keeps costing you dearly. Have you ever watched Sober House or Celebrity Rehab? If so, you’re familiar with Kari Ann Peniche, the poster child for abuse survivor. Granted, she is abusive, rude, mean-spirited, spoiled rotten and a meth addict, but that didn’t stop her from being resubmitted at least three times, because “it’s not Kari Ann speaking, but the disease.”

The victims of the world are surrounded by thralls of “forgiving and tolerant” friends who keep patting them on the head, telling them “there, there,” or keep looking the other way, I watched crazy fanatics crash the funeral of a kid who was killed in the war who claim they are entitled to exercise their “freedom of speech.”

The vast majority of people are dangerously unaware, oblivious, indifferent, and keep rinsing and repeating. Being totally selfish and self-serving is confused with being self-sufficient. Having no common decency translates into being wonderfully rebellious as an individual, when in fact you are just part of the herd we call society.

Alas, I find myself living in a world that seems to have removed all and any sense of accountability, but keeps telling people how justified they are in being a victim, a martyr, self-destructive, or a total jerk. I watch the same crazy or abusive cycles go around and see very few stopping it or doing anything about it at all. Instead, I see a lot of silent bystanders and gossiping, of course, behind peoples’ back. I see very few these days who actually take responsibility for their actions. We call that tolerance and emphasize it with phrases like “live and let live.”

10 thoughts on “Victim vs. Victor

  1. Pingback: Walking the Path of a Psychic | California Psychics Blog

  2. Carmen

    Thanks, Gina Rose 🙂 Most articles I write for my donut, I do actually also publish here, it’s just a bit condensed, due to space restrictions. I am very happy you liked my blogs 🙂

    I like to just get people’s head out of their butts. I want to make them aware that it is time to wake up and stop looking the other way. I was bullied, I know what it does to people.

    I recently talked to a friend of mine who told me about this 3-year old boy, who already backtalks and hits his mother, who spoils him rotten! Children start developing ego and their true character between the ages of 5 and 6. Guess how he going to turn out?!

  3. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Dear Carmen,
    I went to the psychicdonut site and read your article on bullying…….FANTASTIC article…..I was going to leave a comment there for you but I’m not sure if I’m allowed , under blog rules, to do so … I’m putting it here.

    Yes, the story of Phoebe Prince really angered me as well……

    CNN , on the Larry King show put up the pictures of 6 kids who all comitted suicide due to bullying…..they showed school pictures, where one little boys’ face was so beaten and swollen so badly,that his eye was but a tiny slit. I can only imagine, the heartbreak of that boys’ mother…to get a school photo of her son with a beaten face.
    And the story of another little boy who had lighter fluid poured on him and survived is heart wrenching too.

    Your site is beautiful, your articles are fantastic, and I think you are a top notch writer…..your articles are mixed with soulful humor.

    You go girl…keep writing!!!!!

    Well…..I’m off to the animal shelter.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  4. misskrystalmisskrystal

    wow great article…thanks. Carmen you just keep them coming. You really open up people’s minds.
    Excellent. Miss Krystal
    ps as far as bullies-schools need to be more proactive now-should be new rules enforced…Nobody should be able to bully any child, anywhere!

  5. Carmen

    Thanks, Guys! Funny that you mention Phoebe, Gina Rose! I DID write an article about her, entitled “Bullies.” It’s on my blog

    It just sometimes makes me wonder what this world has turned into. And btw, I am also an idealist and I do have hope!

  6. Carmen

    Thanks, Guys! Funny that you mention Phoebe, Gina Rose. I DID write an article about her! And btw, the above one had to be shortened significantly. There was a lot more I said about it. If you like, you can read the full thing, as well as the article on “Bullies,” on

  7. Jacqueline x9472

    What a fantastic article Carmen,

    I agree with you about being accountable, many have forgotten what that is, we are all accountable and will be able to take care of some Karmic dept in the mean time, life is about acknowledging our own behavior and the effect of it, then changing it, we as a society have forgotten about being responsible in regards to this, many ways we need to take it back to a little old school thinking perhaps we have gotten a little bit off track, but then again maybe that’s why we are cycling around once again realizing that the recent ways are not necessarily all that effective.

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

  8. Abigailx9570

    You hit on so many things and this was a thought provoking article for many to read. Bravo Zulu Carmen 🙂

    Many Blessings

  9. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Another thing I find intolerable, as a human being, parent, GrandMother and a psychic is all of the school bullying making the headlines……

    …that Phoebe Prince story really saddened me. Since when are our schools so unsafe that children are committing suicide in record numbers.(?) How did our children become so vicious (?)

    Not to stray off-topic, but that particular headline story crossed my mind as I read Carmen’s article.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  10. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,

    EXCELLENT article!!!!!

    I’m sent patients by the Psychiatrists I read for and I’m also sent clients by the drug/alcohol Therapists that I read for.
    Although, in all fairness, the Docs I work with don’t so much believe in writing scripts for pills, they are more open minded and progressive in their thinking and believe more in , and are willing to at least try new alternative treatments.

    I aggree 100% with this article…..I see little in the way of good old fashioned ” self control ” nowadays.
    I believe in consequences for ones’ actions, cause and effect……and being held accountable for one’s actions. But I was raised by people who experienced the Great depression and were old-school in thought.

    If there is a ” shift ” in human evolution and conciousness happening , I’ve yet to see it in great effect.

    Yet, I am a believer that it CAN happen, but it will take more than a handful of people, in a massive, global society of billions, to make it come about. And it will take actual valid and tangible change, not labels and excuses, to make it happen.

    But, the thing about hope is that hope springs eternal. I am hopeful.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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