Sex Addiction Cop-Out

I’ve noticed (as I’m sure most of you have) the recent surge in celebrities — Michael Douglas, Jesse James, Tiger Woods — just to name a few, that have entered themselves into rehab for sex addiction. One question still remains … does ‘sex addiction’ even exist? Or is it a cop out to rid oneself of the responsibility of being unfaithful? This topic has made it’s way to the top of the debate list in the last little while and a great article on the BBC News discusses what it is, and what it ain’t.

Paula Hall who runs  group therapy for sex addicts in Warwickshire states, “Although not a chemical addiction like alcohol or heroin, it’s a “process addiction” like gambling, with a biochemical element linked to the release of dopamine in the brain.”

To refute the position of Ms. Hall, Phillip Hodson, member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy see’s a very different cause for the selfish acts committed by these so-called ‘sex addicts’…  “The term “addiction” is not appropriate for this behaviour, which would be better described as obsessive, compulsive or even greedy.”

What do you think everyone? Is jumping into sex rehab the new ‘apology’ after an affair? Or should these sex-addicts own up to their mistakes and make better choices next time?

34 thoughts on “Sex Addiction Cop-Out

  1. Eva Domingo

    Addiction can be simply describe as a compulsive and obsessive relationship to substance or behavior. people suffering from sex addiction addiction can be emotionally and mentally unstable.It is a legitimate problem that many are facing now.

    Reply
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  7. William SengerFinn

    I get realy tired of people wjho think averything is a “Result of” chemical imbalances! the chemical imbalance, or balance is directly in relation with ones balance with their moral spiritual fellowship with the god of their destiny1 Of which theren are not many. Only One. Just like every living moving creature wether fish, bird, fourlegged animal, or human have, in one form or another ‘Two- eyes’ , prooving we are all of the same source and are influenced by the same ultimate forces and we are all in line with the same plan eternally!

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  9. debbie

    I have been there and done that. It is an appropriate and easy way out to call it sex addiction. The reality is that that you are out of love and desire for your spouse and you are in search of younger and “better”. The truth is that you have lost your principles and values and most of all your morals. You become a liar , you are in denial and are a cheat.
    Dont blame it on Sex addiction — it is choice you and only you have made and you and only you should be accountable. Rehab and the 12 step program is only a guideline that provides you the tools to make you a better person in restoring the moral compass that you have lost,

    Reply
  10. judy wright

    Where have these people been? Of course this is an addiction and with respect to Tiger and Jesse, the jury is still out on that. But, I know people who are sex addicts and what people have said previously above, is lack of education. This is a real addiction and it is extremely difficult to go through. It is only through the 12 steps that one can be re-establish to the previous relationship with hope of continuing to go to meetings.

    The sex rehab facilities in Arizona are some of the best. One is to be pitied rather than scorned as this is a disease just like alcoholism and drug addiction.

    Many sex addicts are probably alcoholics or drug addicts. One the individual gets clean and sober, sex addiction is much easier trip. Remember, we have not walked in these folks shoes.

    Reply
  11. chrissy

    My first response to hearing all these celebs checking into rehab is a COP OUT. It is out right ADULTRY and a betrayal. Too bad so sad.. I have no sympathy for these people. I feel aweful for the wives and children. It is a very selfish act. They don’t think of how it will affect their spouses or their children. They will have those scars forever. The wives should leave and divorce them and get counseling for themselves and the children. This is the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL. They should emotionally pay for what they did to their loved ones.

    Reply
  12. Dr Hall

    Sexual addiction definitely does exist. If it were merely a way of avoiding responsibility for being unfaithful, we would not be seeing the great numbers of single people, not in a relationship, who are addicted to sex. The excitement of sexual activity without a “goal” – i.e., without any intent of leading to a lasting relationship – can lead to sense of empowerment, especially in those who have been ignored in the past by significant people in their lives (for example, family members). Sexual addiction can also allow n individual to feel a false sense of control, so that giving up the addiction feels like losing control.

    Reply
  13. Kelly

    They celebrities are using this as a cop out. I do believe there is addiction with many things and this is an addiction, but Jesse and Tiger are using anything they can to keep their wives hanging around. Just plain old fashion cheating in my book.

    Reply
  14. Monika

    I think like everything else, ADD, OCD, etc. sex addiction is yet another buzz word that is now used to legtimize cheating on your spouse/ significant other. The bottom line is this: if you cheat you are making a conscious choice and it is not a sickness. Men are not wired to be monogmous, truely. They will always have a wandering eye, it is part of thier DNA. However, that does not give them carte blanche to nail every tail on the planet. I think it is a deep in inscurity within themselves where they feel that they have surcumb to their sex drives. I do agree that here is probably a small percentage of males and females that have a sex addiction disorder. I made the horrible mistake of having an affair, of cours my little tryst didn’t recieve all the hype as Tiger’s : )~, however when I came clean to my husband I didn’t scream SEX ADDICTION and demand to be taken to the sex clinic. I took my medicene and the cards fell where they did. I knew what I was doing and at what cost.

    Reply
  15. Ms. Daisy

    I think in the majority of cases, it’s an excuse to be promiscuous and going to rehab is just a response to getting caught and not wanting to accept responsibility for taking advantage of “opportunities”. I also believe that in some cases promiscuous sex is a frantic way of trying to get connection to another human being, to be validated and touched. A lot of times, “sex addition” is part of a dual addiction – drugs or alcohol. Either way, whether a valid addiction or an excuse for dropping your clothes at whim, the reason(s) for it need(s) to be addressed through counselling. An mature healthy adult may be tempted, attracted or aware of opportunities, but makes responsible choices. A person who is addicted to sex (if indeed that is what it is) is totally self absorbed and makes choices regardless of the consequences to others and themselves.
    The fallout from this type of behavior is immense – it just does not affect the person doing it, but family and friends.

    Reply
  16. AJ

    I fully understand that all men and women have the need to procreate. But we as humans also have the wherewithal to have some self control over our actions. If one is in a monogamous relationship there is also the matter of trust. Which when either party of that relationship breaks that bond of trust it also breaks down the foundation of that relationship. If we as humans cannot trust our partner to keep some semblance of self control in the matter of sex, how can we than expect them to have control over other important matters in the relationship? Another problem to me is the fact that all of this has been surrounding men in high public standing. If this were to be a woman doing the same thing she would then be considered to be either a tramp, a whore, or a slut. With a man it is just considered to be his “need to spread his seed around”. When will we be back to the time when we are held accountable for our own actions and admit that we did wrong. Turn around and face the music and try to fix our mistakes, or at least try to make it better. Any more when someone gets caught doing something wrong they usually find some reason to pin the blame on something else. I guess this makes it easier for them mentally. But what about the person or persons that they have hurt because of their lack of self control. Does that not matter any more? I recently divorced a man who said that the reason he couldn’t help out financially even though he worked was because all he could think about all day was sex. He stated that he also quit school because his sexual problem embarrassed him. He could not bring home the money he made because according to him I did not fulfill his need sexually and if he helped out financially then in essence he was paying for a wife. I found this all out only after he had been trying to find someone to date while being married to me. I believe that if someone loves another individual enough to make them their spouse then all others around you should not become someone you think of as a sex partner or conquest. Yes, men and women alike fantasize about other individuals but we need to have some self control and not cross that line. Because the people we hurt in doing so are many, even if we are not celebrities.

    Reply
  17. Rose

    this is in response to “JAI KRISHNA”‘s comment and views………….. i was totally shocked to have found a guy who is clear in his thinking!!…..i totally connect with your views about relationships,personal education,enlightenment……..i almost went through a similar kind of journey in my search of whats moral in this world. it has been a SEARCH for people with values…then DISAPPOINTMENT….. REALIZING my own worth….and CHERISHING it….i am glad to know that there are few people who give importance to the value of their lives……..keep up your non conformist attitude towards society’s double standards:)…………wish you all the best in your life

    Reply
  18. meo

    Stop expecting monogamy! Half of the reason people “cheat” is because it is forbidden. Don’t forbid it and it takes the thrill away and the also it is not cheating because you have permission to have sex with whomever you want.

    Reply
  19. mary

    I think it is just an excuse for self indulgence. People still choose to give in to their baser needs. Even addicts choose to indulge in the sex, alchol or drugs. For alcholics and drug addicts the cure is is complete abstince from the additive item. Should then a sex addict be completely celibate from all sexual contact for the rest of their lives? I don’t think this is a reasonable or feasible solution and therefore I have to reject the idea of sexual addiction. I really feel it is bad choices and possibley an addtiction to bad choices in every part of their lives for some people.

    Reply
  20. D

    It seems everyone is talking about male sex addicts, what about the women who keep cheating on their spouses? They do not have the innate desire to spread their sperm so what is their excuse? The innate desire to see if men’s organs are working properly? Or is it that they are nymphmaniacs or just trailer trash who know no better? In society today it seems that both sexes are justifying cheating by saying it is only sex so what is the big deal. Well it is the most intimate act that you can do and how many people of either sex want a partner who is totally indiscriminate? The habitual cheaters use “it is only sex” to justify their behavior and assuage their guilty conscience from their obvious lack of morality. Then later in life they sit and wonder what happened when they can’t find a decent partner. The decent ones learn quickly who is the “easy mark” and then use them as play toys for awhile (if they will go out with them at all) and move on to find a better partner. In society today we still see the double standard, men cheat with less consequences as they are expected to, at least prior to marriage, and women who do are looked on as whores or sluts. The only exception is if the men are in love then it seems to be fairly acceptable. But the woman is the one who is the home wrecker. The moral fiber of this country seems to be deteriorating before our very eyes as time goes on. With the breakdown of morales where will we end up? I fear we shall soon find out.

    Reply
  21. Debbie Brown

    Wow! I was married to a Bill Brown and I think that he does have a sex addiction….interesting comment, Bill Brown

    Reply
  22. Diadriel

    It is the “hunt”, the “challenge”, the “conquest” excitement. As they say above, the “dopamine” addict. Those who engage in this behavior, are not comfortable with the contentment and stability of the, now boring, “sure thing”. They apparently have no skills in knowing how to “keep their love alive”. The enticement and excitement of the ‘game’, is what they seek. The mates that are left with the fallout – those are the people these ‘addicts’ don’t want to lose, but no longer supply that excitement of “can I win?”. If the therapy they seek deals with teaching them to understand where this ‘hunt’ need comes from and why, then I agree with it – no matter what they call it.

    Reply
  23. b

    I have one question about this , sex addictive , if some one need sex every day means that or for example his o his partner not here and he o she sleep with some guys just for sex, is he sex addictive?

    Reply
  24. Tcabo

    I agree that it is a selfish, compulsive behavior and that the term addiction is a cop out. I keep hearing about how men in particular have this biological need to “spread it around” for procreation but I believe that we, as humans have evolved enough to be able to control that need with intellect and morals. I think this whole idea is a bunch of crap.

    Reply
  25. Dgatte

    As a couples therapist I see a number of cases of infidelity and often serial infidelity. The idea that men are just built that way is a myth. I see just as many if not more cases of female infidelity (there has in the the not too distant past been a rise in female infidelity especially in older women).

    Whether it is an addiction, a compulsion or simply loose morals depends on the individual and the general consensus is still in court. When the perpetrator gets caught (I have never seen someone willingly disclose this information), they either try to make ammends or not. Most people will attempt to salvage the relationship but not everyone is in earnest about “kicking the habit”. Many feel they will simply placate their partner, then be more clever at the sneaking around.

    Whether it is an addiction or not is irrelevant. If someone truly wants to end thus behavior (in which case couples therapy is definitely needed to get to the root of the situation) then it is admirable. However, it takes true dedication to the survival of the couple and a willingness to release the narcissistic gains by having serial affairs (and uncover why this ego-boost or filling-the-void is necessary).

    Reply
  26. LasVegasCat

    I believe it is a cop out for these mens vile behavior. They knew EXACTLY what they were doing… (In case any of you need to be reminded)…. CHEATING AND LYING!
    Just before these stories broke I had the EXACT same issue the man involved used to be the Jeweler on “Porn Stars”. He has since left their employ…
    My heart goes out to all the women involved…

    Reply
  27. k

    One of the interesting facts about all the sex scandals is the media coverage we now have to bring all the ugly facts to the public eyes and ears.
    What is not discussed enough is the innate need that is already part of every mans anatomy, their need to spread their sperm to reproduce and keep mankind evolving.
    Its just a fact of life.
    However, what seperates us from the other four/two legged animals; our sense of reasoning.
    What is wrong with a man that cannot be monogamous?
    His strength. His will power. His sense of reasoning. Does he let his innate desire take over and ruin his social standing, marriage, family, livelihood.
    It is too bad there are not enough strong men. Especially the ones that are role models in society, to their peers, to their children. Its sad.
    I hope all of these experiences are a learning tool for men across the globe.
    What happened to responsibility for our actions. Admitting we did wrong or we are weak or we need to get help?
    I have to give the men seeking help, whatever we call it, some credit for admitting they are not strong enough.

    Reply
  28. Jai Krishna PonnappanJai Krishna

    Yes the moral fabric of this society, as far as both men and women are concerned, is well and truly in tatters. It’s not just relationships that are reflective of this step backwards in evolution; it’s also the lack of personal education and enlightment that is seen missing in almost everyone who has failed in several different facets of their lives. People make mistakes as adults as a consequence of the sort of emotional, psychological and social conditioning they were given as children. Trust me if you were psychic enough to see the truth in every man and every woman, you’d plainly see that the vast majority are busy cheating and living double lives. I feel sorry for ’em cause they are failures not just in my book but also deep inside their sub conscious minds. I guess society as a collective group never fails to reap the bad fruits of the bad social conditioning and moral standards it sets for its children and youth. As a young man I don’t really care enough to conform to the degenerate and selfish attitude or expectations of people in society. I rather have been blessed enough to hold on to the integrity and faith I have in myself, the few well meaning good people that I’ve met and a higher power. My search for people with reasonably acceptable moral and ethical values has been utterly disappointing. My goals have shifted from looking for the unrealistic to preserving and fighting for that which I treasure in me. These men and women are not just addicts; their minds are weak enough to have been enslaved by their desires. We’ve heard God made man in his own image. But men and women refuse to evolve, they refuse to grow up, they refuse to be more mature and responsible, they refuse to acknowledge the power and capacity of their minds and choose to live like primitive life forms. I hope the kids who are watching these celebrities on TV don’t grow up to be weak enough to follow in their examples; their memories and minds will be stained with it thanks to the dysfunctional social media that’s in place. A well rounded education begins at home and unfortunately so many of us don’t seem to have it.

    Reply
  29. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi,
    Well, I read for Therapists that specialize in drug/alcohol/gambling addictions, Psychiatrists and Psychologists……and I believe that a very small percentage……maybe 10% are true sex addicts …

    However, I feel the other 90% just failed to exercise good judgement and self control!!!!!!!!!
    I also believe, and especially in the case of big name celebrities, that it is a way to try to salvage their public image by going into a sex-rehab clinic……it’s also called by another name : ” damage control”.

    But…what the heck, maybe they will actually learn something about themselves by checking into a rehab clinic……hope springs eternal.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  30. misskrystalmiss krystal

    Great article. It’s funny because I saw a program on tv the other night discussing this exact topic. I have really been thinking about “cop out”…Not sure what to make out of it. I believe in getting “help”-Not sure what the real success rate is, however, for this kind of thing. It’s very interesting.
    Thanks.
    Miss Krystal

    Reply
  31. AngelEyes

    No doubt that it’s a form of addiction, however, it’s not a license to act however you want with complete disrespect. People need to take responsibility for their actions and deal with the consequences.

    Reply

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