How to Overcome Darkness

As stated in Star Wars, the Dark Side of the Force is not only tempting, but so much easier. But why is it easier to be dark? Because it is the path of least resistance (at least on the surface). This path requires no work and seems to hail much higher rewards, because there are many more like-minded individuals by one’s side. It is easy to engage in self-loathing, bitterness, anger, wrath and self-victimization, and even easier to remain in a lovely bubble of denial and illusion. I would almost say that “dark” is the default mode of human beings, because by design we are wired to choose the path of least resistance, to exercise power over those we perceive as weaker and seek out those who support us in our illusions. We are herds, in which the most persuasive pack leaders form the opinions of the followers. This is also how wars are fought, how dictators succeed, how kings ruled and how atrocious crimes are committed.

The path of “light,” on the other hand, wards no quick successes. It requires hard work, constant reflection and self-awareness; being open-minded and -hearted and always trying to grow, while seeking out truth. There is nothing quick or easy about it. The individuals traveling on this path are much harder to find, don’t usually flock together and hardly ever travel with the herd. Unfortunately, they don’t really stand out that often, either. They are usually unnoticed, because they are not that driven by ego; hence, they are not the squeaky wheels who make the most noise or appear/dress the loudest. And lastly, they don’t really claim enlightenment, certain abilities or status, because there is no need for that (think of the Dalai Lama, Ghandi or Mother Theresa). They carried/carry a light so big that it requires no explanation at all.

I cannot claim enlightenment and I am certainly not even close to a Dalai Lama or Mother Theresa. While I have tried from childhood on to travel the path of light, I have often failed and still at times fail miserably. When one is born and raised surrounded by darkness, it is very difficult to not let it become part of your being. We take on the attributes of that which surrounds us most of the time. This is what creates cycles that continue throughout generations. This is also why “like-minded individuals” attract each other.

My darkness consisted of fear, sadness, anger and regret. I had no ability to let go and I was so jealous of those who belonged to any group. I failed miserably in any type of clique or group setting. I mimicked their behaviors and still couldn’t pass for one of them, which caused more anger and more hurt within me. The pain, anger and fear I carried would make me swing wildly from being extremely strong and self-sufficient, to completely needy and weak. Life felt like one large sprint. I would run at 200 mph, then crash and burn, crawling at snail’s speed. I would learn certain lessons at the speed of light, jump from one level of evolution to the next within a week, and then not get other lessons at all, plateauing for years without any movement.

How did I get out of this hole and off the path of self-destruction? I guess it started with replacing the dark parts with light parts. I still had my ability to instinctively recognize light, so I would try to seek it out. The more I found examples of those traveling that path, the more I wanted it for myself. I wanted the peace of mind they seemed to sport. I wanted the joy and balance they seemed to experience most of the time, no matter what was thrown at them. I re-evaluated who I was all the time, and never stopped. I found some people who served as role models and kept me straight. After a while I knew when I was dwelling on the wrong side and when I was not.

It’s like learning to play the guitar. When you first start out, you can’t really hold a tune, your fingers cramp and bleed, and you are pretty far from making actual music. But the more you practice, the easier it becomes, until one day you are playing songs. The path of light for me is like learning the guitar. At times I still strike the wrong cord and my song sounds more like nails over a chalk board. My fingers are hurting and cramping and there are times when I want to give up, because “I’ll never be able to play like a true artist.” The work is miserable too. I spend hours in the gym and in therapy, practicing my new found skills in everyday life, while desperately trying to not fall back into my old ways, which are still very ingrained and persuasive. I read a lot again; watch less fluff and more educational programs.

In order to keep on the path, I had to shed some of the baggage that was keeping me in the dark, and there was nothing easy about that either. It was painful and difficult and wanted to make me give up more than anything else. Adding – in the form of a trainer and a therapist – was easy; letting go of old ways and people who no longer served my well-being was heart-breaking. As I said in the beginning, I could not let go of anyone or anything.

I still second-guess myself a lot. Courtesy of my old wiring. I still want to rekindle old friendships with people who have hurt me, walked out on me, betrayed me or simply were really shitty friends. I still loop at times about these individuals, re-feel the pain and blame myself for their behavior. However, these incidences have become less frequent. When I have a hard day or need to “cool off,” I go to the gym and do cardio. I will literally incline the treadmill up to the highest level, 15, and climb the mountain, literally and figuratively speaking. Or I sit in the steam room or sauna; go swimming for a few rounds or get a manicure. Sometimes I watch a kid’s DVD (I bought the 75 Year Anniversary Box Set of The Wizard of Oz), or go to the movies and watch the newest kid’s flick. Two days ago I was at Starbucks in the morning and played puppet show for my husband with one of the stuffed Christmas mice they had for sale. I bought him (his name is Huxley) and he is sitting on my desk now.

Doing the right thing and staying on the right path is hard work, and yet it has been the most rewarding journey thus far. More times than not, I actually do wake up smiling. I sing a lot these days, I am much goofier, and I sure as hell literally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is said that ignorance is bliss. This might be true on some levels. It turns out, though, that there is more bliss to be experienced when one is actually aware, instead of ignorant.

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11 thoughts on “How to Overcome Darkness

  1. Pingback: The Gift of Growing Pains | California Psychics Blog

  2. Carmen Hexe

    Sometimes, there might not be anyone to run to, which means that we may have to start pulling from within. If you had a place of joy and happiness before, you will still have that spark somewhere.

    Keep your head up and don’t ever give up. This is the only life you are getting, so make the best out of it you can.

    Reply
  3. lostindarkness

    I’m sitting here staring at my computer with tears in my eyes. It felt like you were reading my mind as I read your article, all I could think was, “oh my gosh i’m not alone, someone really does know now I feel!” I have spent the majority of this year literally locked in a house because I have been too afraid to go outside after finally ending an abusive relationship, although the darkness has been there much longer than the relationship was. I have spent a lot of time searching, within myself, trying to figure out how I went from being a very happy and loving person, with everything going for me, to being depressed and closing myself off from the world. I didn’t and still don’t understand why no one will help me, people involved in the legal system that are there to help but they refused. So I have struggled through the past 10 months alone with no support system at all. At times I was ready to give up, I couldn’t find anything to live for anymore, and I still don’t see anything. But something inside won’t let me quit.

    Due to the fact that I cut myself off, it has been easy to distance myself from others who are stuck in their own dark places, but today I am at a crossroad…my kids are some of those people stuck in the darkness. They have always been my world and I can’t imagine a day without them (the youngest will be 18 in a few weeks), but at the same time I can’t handle the pain they put me through every day either. I want to help them but they don’t want to be helped and if I stay it will be the end of me.

    Carmen, thank you soooo much for this article I can’t tell you how much it means to me right now!

    MissKrystal, thank you also for your insights, but what do you when there is no one to run to and depend on for support, no one to talk to?

    Reply
  4. Carmen Hexe

    Hey Miss Krystal! Well, woman, you are always booked 😉 It’s very difficult to get any of you ladies, haha.

    Gina Rose! You have to get the box set. It includes a watch 😀 I also have the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and a few other classics. Last week I’ve added The Beauty and the Beast on BlueRay, hehe.

    Brenda, light for me, was a choice I had to embrace. I am doing it now visually too. Hence, I dyed my hair platinum blonde on Saturday. After 15 years of jet black or dark red hair, I am back to being a blonde. People are telling me that my face seems so much brighter now. I guess, light can also be something one can start by one’s exterior 🙂

    Reply
  5. Brenda J Hanson

    Thank you so much for this article. I have realized darkness for a very long time and just can’t let it go.
    The difference in my situation…I can’t go to the gym as I had for years. I lost my career which involved great socializing. I suffer from severe nerve damage and recovery is very slow. Between the physical limitations and the darkness…I have difficulty seeing any light. I absorb myself in mental stimulation and doing little things to bring some happiness to my life…but the things that made me happy before, I cannot do. Also, there are some things I could do for a very short time but I am in a controlling environment. I am not allowed the autonomy to pursue other things. I also realize why I am here. I am desperately holding on to what little I have left.
    Thank you so much again for enlightening my hope for happiness. It can be done!

    Reply
  6. bailey31909

    This article was very helpful to me. I find that I am on a path to find the light and am totally alone is doing so in my community. I live in the south, Columbus, GA, to be exact and if you don’t go to a fundamental Christian church and live your life in fear of God then you don’t fit in.
    I have always been searching, but have yet to find what I am looking for but I do feel I am on the right path. Though difficult at times since I am without others to discuss the findings with, I am thankful for sites like this. It makes me feel not so alone in my journey. Thanks.

    Reply
  7. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,

    Loved your article……

    Yes, shedding baggage is most certainly a start…..I tend to mentally think of it like cleaning out a closet, getting rid of the worn out and things that no longer work or serve my higher purpose.

    And yes, it is hard work, but the rewards encompass the spiritual plane, mental plane, emotional plane and even the physical plane.

    You cracked me up with The Wizard of Oz movie because I do the same thing…..I just bought the Star Wars complete set , all 6 movies…. LOL!

    Happy Holidays Carmen.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  8. misskrystalmisskrystal

    One more important thing-Don’t let people talk you into doing something you don’t want to do.
    If you give in, you just created more shadows and NOT light around your soul. Learn to say NO to the things you really do not want to do and are against–once you do, you are more on the path of light and not darkness- ….Thanks, Miss Krystal

    Reply
  9. misskrystalmisskrystal

    Hello Carmen-Truly a blessed gift this article is-How humble and contributing this is…
    Thanks.
    As far as the “hard work”-I agree. But if part of this hard work is “working through” difficult people in your life-I have sure noticed 1 thing that seems to always make it easier-if one looks on the bright side…
    IE– If we have a problem with someone, in our life, and set a boundary with them, we tend to find out how they really feel about us….I realized this is a loaded subject, with lots of details, however, I am just highlighting here one thing that always seems to be a heaven sent outcome-The truth? We find out who are real friends are (I am NOT talking about love relationships here), and how much a person really likes and respects us. It’s the path to the truth and we find out, exactly, “where” we stand when we do this. Therefore, once a boundary is set, we are either going to “fix” and “adjust” the relationship or, the person will decide it for you-and if they can’t respect your wishes, and remember all the good things about you, well then, hey-they just did the work for you. Nice huh? But you have to be strong.

    In order to grow in the light, we must face the truth. Be honest with yourself, and if you really have a difficult time with someone, in your life, and it is the same issue, over and ove, again, well, try being honest about it-and be ready for some changes. Therefore, there is no reason to play games back with the people in your life that you have some issues with-If they truly understand and like you, it will all come together right, especially, in platonic and family relationships. IMPORTANT- Romance and work relationships are a little different (I would have to write an article on those fragile, extra fragile relationships), and I am speaking only here about friends and relatives. Because these are going to the people we count on, run to and depend on for support…….WE go to these people for issues that involve almost anything in our life, including work and love problelms. So it is important to make sure you know where you stand, and how these people really feel about you…That’s being in the light….

    Stay in the light and be honest with yourself and what your support system is really all about. Please call me if you feel that you have been taken advantage of, and are tired of it. I will help you find peace with the truth and how to set it all free, without any big fights. I will help you depart from it all and open your eyes to a bigger, better and more comfortable support system. Let the light in. Stay out of the shadows of darkness, and save this article. It’s excellent! Thanks again, Peace
    Miss Krystal

    Reply

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