Get a Grip on Jealousy

When love is mixed with fear it creates one of the most powerful emotions on earth: jealousy. Here are three questions to ask yourself that will help you handle your jealousy and become a more loving, trusting person.

Why are you jealous?
When you’re trying to handle your own jealousy, the first thing to consider is why you’re feeling jealous. Did something happen to cause your jealousy, or are you struggling with irrational emotions rather than a current situation? Do you have trust issues with your partner? Or are your jealous tendencies left over from a previous relationship? Maybe you have issues with trusting yourself that you are projecting onto the other person.

If your partner did something that made you question their trustworthiness, address that situation specifically. Otherwise, take a look at the patterns in your life that have brought on your trust issues. Address those core concerns – and you’ll be less likely to drag them into an otherwise-happy relationship.

How do you express jealousy?
The next step is to question how you’re communicating your feelings of jealousy with your partner. Do you quietly repress your feelings – but secretly let resentment grow in your heart? Do you throw accusations around and maybe threaten to leave? Maybe you break down in tears, and beg them not to leave you.

It’s important to use positive communication techniques to let your partner know when something hurts your feelings and makes you feel jealous. Pick a time when you can communicate in a calm, safe way, and use “I” statements such as “I feel jealous when you have lunch with your ex-girlfriend” or “I feel jealous when you chat with women online.”

What do you do with jealousy?
The next step is to begin paying attention to what actions you’re taking as a result of your jealous feelings. When you start feeling jealous, how do you react? Do you snoop through email and check the cell phone records? Maybe you throw a tantrum and throw out accusations about cheating?

Whether you realize it or not, reacting to jealousy this way will only leave you with more fear and frustration. In a way, your goal is to find something incriminating, so in that sense you will only be “satisfied” if you find proof of infidelity. And your fear will drive them away, emotionally – which is the opposite of what you really wanted.

Stop the cycle – the more you act out of jealousy, the more you create that vicious circle of fear and frustration. Of course it’s important to pay attention if your partner is acting suspiciously, but at the end of the day your jealous behavior is not going to keep anyone from cheating – in some cases, it may even encourage it.

If you truly want to let go of jealousy, you must also let go of the idea that you can control someone through love. Just as love is a risk, trust is a choice. Each time you decide not to snoop or pry, you make a choice to become a more loving, trusting partner.

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3 thoughts on “Get a Grip on Jealousy

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