Five Steps to Letting Go of the One That Got Away

You May Be Waiting a While…

One of the most frequent questions asked of me is “will my ex come back?” The answers to that question are as varied as the people asking, but in general my response is really one about personal growth. Letting go of the partner who has moved on, especially when s/he just disappears from the relationship, is about changing your expectations and reaching for your highest good.

When a relationship fails, there is usually a sense of loss, a lowering of self-esteem and, often, a holding on to “what might have been.” The grieving process, as outlined by Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, consists of 5 steps, and can be very helpful in getting over a difficult break-up. Dr. Kubler-Ross initially observed and identified these stages in grieving the death of a loved one, but it has become the standard for grieving any major loss in our lives. Often though, a person will get stuck in one of the stages and hold themselves back from letting go and moving on.

First Stage: Denial

Denial is the immediate reaction to a break-up. “But things were so good;” “he must be going through a crisis;” “she would never treat me like that;” are some of the many opening statements I hear from my clients who are having a hard time accepting a break-up. “S/he just disappeared!” “We had a great night and then s/he stopped calling and won’t answer my texts. S/he must be in trouble!” The bottom line is that in getting over a break-up, you must accept the facts, not what you believe to be true. Consulting one of the California Psychics can help you understand your ex’s motivations and reasons, offer comfort and help you to let go of your denial, but the truth is, your partner is gone, no matter what the reason.

Second Stage: Anger

Getting angry is a healthy reaction to being dropped by a partner who has ended the relationship without the benefit of communication and closure. Anger is a sign of your realization that you have been treated badly and that you deserve better. Anger shows a healthy self-esteem. It is an emotion that helps us to move forward, pick up the pieces and it can leads to new beginnings. By holding onto anger, we stifle our growth and shut out new possibilities. I advise my clients to see the break-up as a gift: this relationship would have ended eventually because of the lack of communication, so moving on sooner allows you to be ready for the one that will be long-lasting. Forgiveness is a big part of letting go of the anger.

Third Stage: Bargaining

Bargaining occurs when we think we can change the outcome. Sometimes we bargain with God (please make him love me, please have her call me and I promise to be kinder and more understanding) and sometimes we bargain with our ex, leaving texts and voicemails begging for one last talk, one last date, one last sleepover, all with the intention of changing the outcome. Bargaining rarely works. Bargaining is an outreach of denial. I counsel my clients to stop bargaining and to trust that their highest good is at work. If their highest good is to rekindle the love, then it will happen when the ex who left is ready. Bargaining will have no effect on the outcome.

Fourth Stage: Depression

Depression is a normal emotion after experiencing a loss. It leaves us listless, sad and antisocial. It can act as a time and space for healing. When it begins interfering in your normal life, you know you are stuck in this stage. This is the time to push yourself to get out with friends, engage in a hobby you have ignored. as well as a time to bring new activities and people into your life. Meditation is a wonderful tool for alleviating depression: it connects you to spirit, quiets your repetitive thoughts and allows you to see the bigger picture. If I sense you are deeply depressed, I advise getting professional help to move forward.

Fifth Stage: Acceptance

This is the final stage in letting go. Although the stages can occur in any order and often occur simultaneously, this step is the desired outcome that tells you that your processing is over. Acceptance brings lightness back to your life and hope for future relationships. Acceptance is “being where you are,” not lamenting the past nor living in future dreams, but knowing that your life is perfect as it is.

By understanding the steps for getting over your break-up, you will be able to navigate these emotions and move forward through the sadness to a place of acceptance and happiness. If you find yourself stuck in any one of the stages, California Psychics can help to enlighten the process for you and help you ready yourself for a new love.

What’s ahead for your love life? Try a psychic reading. Call 1.800.573.4830 or choose your psychic now.

One thought on “Five Steps to Letting Go of the One That Got Away

  1. Quinn ext.5484quinn

    dear aida, thank you for this wonderful blog… i have gone through the 5 stages twice in my life… not an easy task.
    it is so much easier when it is only a break up and not a passing of a loved one. although it can hurt more if that person finds new love before you do…
    love is great but certainly not easy.
    -quinn ext. 5484

    Reply

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