Father’s Day: Lessons Learned by a Psychic Dad

Words of Wisdom

My son and I have been together for 21 years. He’s my constant companion who has lasted through two divorces and countless relationships. If you asked me what my greatest accomplishment is I would say, “My son.” He has grown up to be a good friend as well as a great person with an agile mind and quick wit. His words of wisdom sound very familiar – usually my own words said with a grin.

Being a father is the toughest job you will ever have or love. Some fathers realize this in an instant, others only after their child has grown, but sometimes it is never realized. There are no paid vacations in fatherhood, no financial reward at the end of a job well done, and it may seem that you get criticized more than you get appreciated. Fatherhood has a definite beginning, but seemingly has no end. So why do many of us become fathers? Maybe it’s part of the divine plan to understand our Creator. A challenge sent to us so that we might begin to discover what it’s like to give to another being absolute unconditional love and acceptance. Discovering that you had parts of yourself to give which you were not aware you even had.

Listening is one of the skills my son taught me at great expense to him. The wisdom he had as a child to this day still amazes me. If there is a skill that will serve you well your whole life, it’s listening to others. Your children, the ones who know you best, are the ones most parents do not listen to as well as they should. How do you do that? It’s easy, close your mouth and listen with your heart, mind and soul. You may even find that this skill will work well with the other important people in your life. The way to test how well you listen is to give a confirming statement about what you heard. “OK, what I heard you say is…” Give this a try. It’s one of the best things about being a father. You can astonish the woman you love by showing them you can listen.

In my mind, a great father is a part of his child’s life in every moment. In the younger years, he uses any means available just to soak up time with his child – rather it’s going to school functions, kids’ parties, or the movies. In the teen years, he’s watching from afar and waiting for their child to return safely.

Back then, for me, it was all about going to Disneyland, Knott’s Berry Farm, Monterey Bay Aquarium, Stow Lake, Green Lake, Seattle Center, and many other West Coast child friendly places. We spent lots of time just hanging out and making pizza, playing video games, or watching movies. Thinking of what my child needed, wanted, and what was good for him took up so much time back then, but that didn’t matter. It was all worth it. Now I sometimes wonder what I will do with myself now that he’s so much more independent.

Sure there were times when I was tired or made selfish decisions about what I wanted to do and places I wanted to go. Nobody’s perfect. I admit I had those split-second moments of disappointment when the bittersweet milestones came… when he announced he could “Do it myself” or after four years of reading Harry Potter books together, he said “Dad, I would like to read this book on my own, that way I can read it faster.” (sigh)

I’d like to think all of that time he was watching me. I know I watched my father even though he created a very clear picture of what not to do. I’ve seen other dads… paralyzed with fear, drowning themselves in the bottle or some other compulsive behavior, expressing macho competitive streaks, or an aloof sense of stoic calm. When did we stop teaching our boys that they can be “manly” and express feelings of fear, hurt, and sadness? Thankfully, like the character Murphy Brown says to Jake in the movie Murphy’s Romance, “…Take after him or not, it’s up to you…” And Murphy’s right – no matter how you come to the position of father (whether it’s a bit of a surprise or a long anticipated gift) you are the one who gets to decide how good you’re going to be at it.

Sure we will make our share of mistakes, but how about making a decision only to make them once and remembering to say “Sorry.” The pay off? My son still wants to spend time with me even now that he is a young man who’s graduated from college, can drive and has moved out on his own. His gift to me: Time together.

It is a job that ends with my last breath and begins anew as my spirit watches over him.

So Fathers – May you have the courage to see yourself through your child’s eyes, the strength to admit when you’re wrong, the humility to know that you’ll need help along the way, and the integrity to change and grow as you go. And may the grandfathers and grandmother Spirits bless each of us with all that we need but don’t know to ask for… including directions.

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5 thoughts on “Father’s Day: Lessons Learned by a Psychic Dad

  1. Nisha

    I’m an expecting mom, and after reading your blog, I thought a man of wisdom, I’d say. I’m no longer in with my baby’s dad, but I do hope he approach father hood with the vigor and courage you did. Thank you for sharing yourself with us….

    Reply
  2. Marc from the UK

    Many thanks to ARISE and T-BIRD ! I’ve just read that article again and it made me emotional too ! 🙂 I know that if I die today, although I will be sad that I had not accomplished many things, at least I did not fail my adopted and step children, and that alone cannot be taken away !! Thanks and have a great w’e.

    Reply
  3. t-bird

    I’m a divorced woman with a son almost the same age as yours, Grant, and I feel the same way about him that he’s a great person with a quick wit. I’m so proud of him. Loved this article, Grant! Please keep them coming. And Marc from the UK, yours was a touching story about your ‘adopted’ son. When we give of ourselves, we’re sure to enjoy the rewards that will come from it, like with cause and effect. And I’ll bet you look terrific in the chinos and tee shirt!

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  4. Marc from the UK

    I really liked this article. I had to read it twice to realise I was reading it as I felt I recognised this father, my parents were lousy, step father selfish, and real dad a mans man! So in other words he could not show strength by admitting failings or when he was wrong, the up shot is I swore I would never bring my children up like this, I knew as a child how badly I could be treated and my inner mind just knew that love and guidence was the way forward.

    I had a surprise phone call from my adopted son ( well he adopted us at 13!) and was the last to leave at 25! I arrived home feeling a bit deflated on fathers day this Sunday, as my step childrens plans to see me had not transpired, and its an awkward moment, you cannot berate them or force them to call over, and they are adults now with commitments they had to keep, anyway Paul my adopted called over out the blue.

    He bought with him his daughter who is just under two years old, and a bundle of fun who clearly loves her daddy. He gave me a fathers day card, with those magical words in it ” Love Paul” and a wrapped gift, to my surprise he had bought me designer chino’s and a tee shirt, now Paul is a ladies man, who only wears the best clothes and buys the best things in life.

    I was over the moon, I had a month ago spoken to Paul as I am nearly 48 and in that what the heck do I buy to wear at my age catagory! I phoned Paul as he knows everthing about male fashion and his response was ” a pair of Chino’s and polo shirt Sunbeam!” he calls me sunbeam! After shopping every where and getting deflated and frustrated as I could not find who I was any more I went home upset, and truth be told almost tearful as I had lost my way, and felt out of it!

    What Paul did not know was I did not buy anything, but I had seen the stuff he bought but lacked the confidence to buy it, for him to just know that and deliver it on Fathers Day was a blessing and maybe the universe delivered for me with conviction? I bought up two step children from toddlers to adults and Paul from 13 to 25, I suffered, I went broke and I went out of my way to deliver love and SECURITY at a cost to my wishes and dreams, BUT you cannot beat love! especially when it is delivered without hesitation bearing gifts.

    So maybe in that big blue yonder is something or someone is watching out for you!

    Reply

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