Don’t Make It Personal

A few days ago I awoke to these words literally coming from every corner of my room… “Don’t make it personal.” They were echoing again and again, surrounding me as I opened my eyes to start a new day.

It was as if “they” wanted to make sure I actually heard these words and didn’t lose them in my pre-coffee state. As the day progressed, and I was hit with one heart ripping phone call after another, I kept hearing these words over and over again. It’s easy enough to say them to someone else, but what happens when I’m faced with heart wrenching facts of the people I love and there is not one single thing I can do to help them?

Can I learn not to “make it personal“?? The words were not, don’t take it personal, but very clearly, “don’t make it personal.” There is a huge difference just from the one little word. I realized we really do have a choice. It makes me ask, Is anything personal that happens to/around us? Do we have a choice on the level of suffering in our life? Are our own thoughts and actions the only thing on this planet that are truly personal? We are at the mercy of those we love and their emotional wounds. It is really about them, not us? Can we learn to separate our pain from others? Can we cry for them instead of ourselves??

How do we not make it personal when there is absolutely not one single thing we can do to help the situation and the people we love are suffering, or we feel they are making us suffer? Can it really be accomplished? After this week, yes, I believe it can. It doesn’t mean you have no emotional pain over what is happening, it means we figure out a way not to let it control our thoughts and every waking minute. It is not about stuffing down what you feel about the situation, it is about admitting that yes, it is happening and I am 1000% helpless in this situation. And truly the exact same thing is happening to other people at the same time… but we feel “mine is worse cause it is happening to ME and someone I love.” Deal with the emotions by allowing yourself to feel the helplessness and sorrow. If you try to suppress the emotions, you will only be 30% effective on the one thing you can do… be there for support.

When a friend called and delivered their personal devastating news, it didn’t stop our world as we know it. We are able to love and deal unattached. But when it’s our someone that is dealing with devastation, it’s a little bit trickier to be loving and detached. I took all the phone calls that I received that day and viewed them as if I was the outsider witnessing the events. Oh yes, the pain definitely exists, but most of the icky feeling is that I’m helpless to help those I love. In the state of helplessness comes a state of surrender, in the surrender comes strength, in the strength we find the courage to look the ones we love in the eye and be there for them, not secretly thinking about how horrible this is for us.

My lesson this week was very clear. I am very helpless when it comes to others, I can only change and help myself, everything that happens around me is not about me! I can be there as support, and even thinking anything different is actually a way of running away from the situation and not accepting what is happening in the world and to those we love. But not getting attached, doing what you can do (if anything), and viewing your life from a loving, accepting way will absolutely change your world. It will allow you to be there for the person who is actually the one affected, and takes the me-me-me syndrome out of it.

Now I truly understand what the Wise One means when He/She says, “live your life as the witness.” See your life as if it is happening to someone else; don’t become attached. Experience what you feel when something comes your way, good or bad, get out of your own way and don’t make it personal.

It’s not the old saying “pick your battle.” Looking at life this way, it becomes very clear that the only battle we have is inside of us and how we perceive things! Perception of our lives and things that happen around us is 99.9% of our pain! I honestly believe this with all my heart. Yes, this week was a tough one, but I get it now. Yes, I can and will be there for those I love, and those I have never met with non-judgmental, 100% accepting support without attachment. I will not “make it personal” from this day forward.

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2 thoughts on “Don’t Make It Personal

  1. Pingback: How to End a Relationship | California Psychics Blog

  2. Jacqueline

    Hi Claire,
    Wow, how easy it is to make everything that shows up in our life personal, especially in our line of work it is so easy to want to help everyone and take away there sadness, this is tough when we cant.

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

    Reply

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