A Soulmate is Your Teammate

As the divorce rate hovers steadily around 50%, I wonder — why doesn’t love last?

When I met Ben (not his real name), I was just about to turn 15. We were introduced through mutual friends at a Youth group of all places (I am very far from religious). I was warned that he was incredibly cool, exceptionally good-looking, and completely oblivious to his effect on girls. He was also painfully shy. These “red flags” didn’t stop my heart, mind, or body from falling into complete mush as he quickly made his way to introduce himself. I had never been so absorbed by someone’s presence as I was with him. The world became silent whenever he was around. We began dating in 2004.

Fast forward to 4 1/2 years later and there we were — walking down the aisle. I was 21 and he 23. No, we’re not religious. Yes, it’s highly uncommon. Especially in this day and age. It’s even frowned upon! People my age were anything but congratulatory.

A few months after getting married, the outside voices of my peers were beginning to affect me. I began doubting myself. I was filled with frustration and confusion. Are they right? Was I too young to have made such a decision? Too inexperienced? I spent 6 months of my life in agony.

During that time, I prayed deeply, meditated, and self-reflected, always searching for the answer: Is he my soulmate? I knew the universe would guide me in the right direction –- and sure enough an answer came.

It appeared as a sudden bolt of lightening in my mind. All at once, I had picture perfect clarity and felt as if I had just awakened from a terrible dream. I was astonished at the force of my epiphany — Ben wasn’t just “the one,” he was “the ONLY one.”  Finding my soulmate was my soul’s deepest subconscious wish. So of course I found him early!

There’s nothing more I could dream of in a soulmate. Ben is the most humble, genuine, helpful, and most respectful human being I have ever met. He loves me on a level that transcends words. He supports me in everything and is 100% dependable. We have promised to work on this relationship, this marriage, and this commitment as a team. People seem to forget that a marriage isn’t just a commitment to each other, but a real live entity that needs to be nourished constantly. A soulmate is your teammate. You’re tackling this thing called “life” together. Yes, I might be young, but I’m the one who won the lottery. To those who’ve found love and doubt it, listen to your heart. Know that you may need to nurture your relationship. There are many stages: the honeymoon phase, infancy, the pre-teen years, and so on. Be realistic about which stage you are at, and don’t expect perfection. Time and patience will foster your love.

Good luck to all who are still searching. Don’t give up!

8 thoughts on “A Soulmate is Your Teammate

  1. clamcrabcocklecowrie

    Thank you so much for writing this, it has been very helpful to me! I have been feeling this way myself… I met my soulmate just a few short weeks before my 19th birthday and we started dating just a week before my 19th birthday. He was 26. The connection between us is something that I only thought was possible in a fairy tale romance. I never knew that I could love someone and someone could love me so much in return.

    Because of me being young and him being a few years older, some people have made rude comments… a friend of his would project her own immaturity onto me and try to get other friends to believe the same. And it wasn’t hard to believe when they didn’t know me and I was 19… of course, any girl under 25 is just so “immature”. Extended family members of my boyfriend have warned him and made comments to his parents because “you know how young girls can be”. His immediate family loves me and any of his friends who know me think the same (except for the one girl I mentioned who has serious psychological issues). My boyfriend just tells people who say things, “you know… if you had even met her once you wouldn’t think that for a second.”

    Strangers are often shocked that I’m so young. When we’re together people, decades older than us, are drawn to us and make comments about just the energies that surround us when we’re together – that they’re very powerful, loving, and just genuinely loving. We’re both definitely old souls with an intense connection, but even more than that we’re best friends. I know that some of the traits of the “honeymoon phase” will last forever, simply because of the fact that he’s my best friend and we love to have fun and play with each other. We’re committed to working together and sticking together through no matter what comes our way.

    After reading this it really helped me to realize that I need to forget what other people say and realize that the ones who matter really don’t care and are very happy for us and the ones who make a fuss either don’t know me or have their own issues.

    I got lucky early in my life.

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  5. Denise

    It is so great to read about these things. I too met my soulmate at the tender age of 16, and had a close friendship until we were 20 when he ended our friendship. Fast forward 23 years and 1500 miles – and there we were face to face again. Our friendship was once again instantaneous, and a little over 2 years after running into each other again, we found ourselves in love and married. Now, we don’t know how we made it through without the other one, but every day that we are together, the 23 years apart just seem to fade away. So does the concept that we could have ever been with anyone else.

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