When You’re in Love With His Potential

Trouble in Paradise

We often hear of couples who were once in love turning into couples who are now in trouble. If you’re having problems in your relationship, if you’re feeling duped, disillusioned or disappointed, like you’re in love with the man you thought he was and not who he turned out to be, then it’s time to find out what’s going on before it’s too late.

Wondering if he’ll be successful? Get a love reading and find out!

Life Changes Us

First, you have to ask yourself what has changed. Certainly people will change over time, and that’s inevitable. Life itself will change all of us to some degree through both joyous and sad events—the birth of a child or the loss of a parent, for example. If the only thing you think has changed is the man you’re in love with, then you have to ask yourself:

Are you in love with who he is, who you thought he was or who you hoped he’d be?

In Love With the Man He is

If you answered that you’re in love with the man he currently is, then you have chosen to accept him as he is today, despite your relationship undergoing the inevitable changes to come. Kudos to you for having a relationship that shows great communication, understanding and flexibility.

In Love With the Man You Thought He Was

If your man just isn’t who you thought he was, you have to ask what has changed. For whatever reason, it appears he’s just not the same man you fell in love with originally. Did he suddenly become a different person after you married him or moved in with him? Did he recently disappoint you by acting in a way you never expected? A relationship is a big investment so before you write it off, try to find out why he’s not the man you thought he was. Perhaps you never knew who he really was to begin with. This is why communication is the most important tool in any relationship, even from day one. You have to know who you’re falling in love with at their core.

In Love With the Man You Hoped He’d Become

If your man isn’t who you hoped he’d be, then you have made a bet on your relationship based on potential. You can equate this to investing in the futures market—making an investment based on what the market might do in the future. That’s a high-risk bet; the payoff could be huge or it may turn out to be a bad bet resulting in a big loss.

People often say, “I thought he had potential,” or, “I thought he would change,” or, “I thought if he loved me it would get better.” That kind of thinking is a surefire way to lead to future disappointment. When you meet someone, you have to expect that they’re already living up to their potential—what you see is what you get. You can’t tailor a man to fulfill your image of the ideal partner. You can’t make someone want marriage if they’re a die-hard singleton, or suddenly want to become the type of father you always envisioned your children having simply because you just became parents together. Even if you think your man has great potential, he may just be happy doing what he’s doing already—and there isn’t anything wrong with that.

Most People Don’t Change Unless They Want to

You can’t change people, and most people—at the core—do not substantially change, unless they truly want to take steps to internally shift themselves. It requires an exceptional amount of work in facing one’s self, and most people never attempt this. Sure, life events can reshape a person’s life, but by and large people only change because they feel they must, and this motivation is derived internally, not externally. So, if you meet a man who is only 60 percent of who you know he could be, accept the 60 percent and be happy with it—or do yourselves a favor and move on.

What You Can Do to Avoid Disappointment

The best way to avoid disappointment in a relationship is to know who you’re falling in love with. You have to ask questions and take your time getting to know someone. If you’re pushing to have a baby with someone who doesn’t particularly want kids, you’re going to feel disappointed when they don’t change their mind—or worse, when you’re a single parent in a loveless situation. If you’re in a relationship you hoped would get better or change over time, just understand that there’s no guarantee that will ever happen. All you can base a relationship on is what you know today about who you’re with, so you had better know them well and be honest with yourself about who they are. Hoping things will get better or that he will come around to your way of thinking is how you wind up being in love with the man you thought he was, not who he truly is or will ever be.

Love yourself better than that. Take time to find a partner who’s better aligned with you today—someone who has the same goals, values and worldviews you have. And while there may be times you’ll feel things aren’t exactly perfect, you won’t regret your decision to fall in love, or wind up feeling like you’ve invested in a relationship with a stranger.

10 thoughts on “When You’re in Love With His Potential

  1. michelle

    amen to that Gods knows im in a misable relationship with a man 23 yrs older then me the only reason Im stuck is because I have adaughter with him plus he make me feel depress sad misable unloved I have to let him go I offten tried but he always come back. He doesn’t even try to make the relationship work he does nothing he don’t show me any love attention affection we barly make love . I feel like he is using me because he will be on the street if I put him out. I just don’t know what to do anymore im drained his energy drains me even my children are more happy when he is not around. When I put him out I feel like a weight has been lifted the world sames like a better place when he is gone . I will be glad when God give me the strength to leave him for good.I;m only 36 and he 58 I still have a life to live and I deserve a happy one full of love and joy .I know things wont be perfert with a new relationship but at lease it will be a good one.

  2. Lori Whitbord

    Best relationship advise I have seen in years! Every time I start to feel the pain I will read it again. Thanks from Lori

    1. LJ

      Dear Lori: Thank you for your comment. What makes me even happier is that this article helped someone. Of course, you’re not alone – in a way, we’ve all been there at one time or another, so I know how painful it can be. What doesn’t destroy us makes us stronger, and you seem well on your way to a place of strength and self-love. I wish you the best on your journey.

  3. Mika Mack

    Outstanding article♡
    I am going to forward the link to my girls, I have been trying to explain this for Months, about the boys they are currently dating.

    1. LJ

      Mika Mack: Feel free to share it with anyone you think it will help, especially your girls. If an article can help that’s much better than learning it the hard way, and I’m happy to be a part of that. Thanks so much.

  4. Quinn ext.5484Psychic Quinn

    Very insightful article. It always amazes me when people think they can change someone to fit their mold, and if they do there is no guarantee the person will be what you want after all the molding is done.
    You made some brilliant points.

    1. LJ

      Thank you Psychic Quinn. I say leave the molding to the sculptors of the world; you made a good point.

    1. LJ

      Dear Kendra – “going through it” is much better than “staying in it” – best of luck.

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