Who’s Really in Bed With You?

Individual sexual satisfaction is highly influenced by our attitudes and past experience. And these are shaped by a myriad of factors throughout our lives. Sometimes we bring this into the bedroom when we don’t even realize it. So why not look closely at your attitudes to make sure it’s just you and your lover interacting between the sheets?

Morality…
Growing up, oftentimes, we’re taught that sex is bad. This can translate in our adult lives as sexual guilt. If you’re plagued by the feeling that you shouldn’t be thinking about sex – nevermind having it – think again! Chastity is not the cornerstone of morality. And even if you’re saving yourself for a special person, you don’t need to feel sexually repressed, or worse, evil!

Only you can set rules for your body, but make no mistake – sexual urges are normal and healthy. Biology 101 teaches us that a regular sex life is actually good for us. In fact, study after study proves it. If you’re religious and find that your “morals” are in conflict with your desires, try looking at sex as a gift from God, meant to be explored, not demonized. Within that context, no act between consenting adults is immoral unless it breaks the trust of another agreement. In other words, deception, dishonesty and cheating are wrong by anyone’s code… Sex need not be. In fact, it simply isn’t.

Don’t look!
Whether or not you were raised to feel that sex is bad in a moral context, it’s likely that it wasn’t an open topic of conversation at the dinner table. As such, you may have come to feel that sexual urges are embarrassing or that you’re alone in having them. Nonsense! Human beings are sexual by our very nature. Not only is sex how we reproduce, it’s how intimacy is fostered and bonds are forged. It’s meant to be fun – otherwise, why would we feel the innate urge to do it? If you’re worried that expressing your desires (verbally or physically) will embarrass you, or turn your partner off, start slow… test the waters and be honest about your discomfort. With an understanding lover, before long, you’ll find yourself diving in!

Perfect 10
Oh, the media. No matter how old you are or where you grew up, no doubt you received messages about what defines sex appeal. Whether that was a perfect body, amazing hair or an aura of mystery, if you find yourself obsessed with external qualifiers of sexiness and constantly concerned that you don’t measure up, you’re carrying cultural baggage to bed… and that’s not doing you or your lover any favors.

Rather than worrying that you aren’t the epitome of attractiveness, try focusing on your assets. What do you find attractive about yourself? What do other people comment on or what has your partner noticed? Play up the parts of yourself that you feel best about in the bedroom and gradually, as your confidence builds and you notice your partner’s satisfaction, you may just find those images that have plagued you melting away.

The ex factor
Last, but certainly not least, it’s quite possible that the candle you’re holding for an old flame is actually extinguishing the home fires in your current relationship. If this is the case, the solution may not be so simple, but your choices are numbered. You can either let the current relationship go until the time comes that you’re done with your ex (after all, it is better to be alone than in the wrong relationship), or you can let your ex go and put yourself into your relationship 100%. Half measures will not a satisfying sex life make and it’s not fair to you or your partner to try and fix what ails you when what’s holding you back are thoughts of someone else. The rule is to never let an ex into your bedroom.

No matter what your issues may be, acknowledging them is the first step to extinguishing them – forever!

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