Understand Why You Are Attracted to Unavailable Men

In matters of the heart, while many women claim to want a happily-ever after ending, some ladies consistently make poor choices towards that desirable goal. Whether consciously or not, these women often pursue the guys that, tragically, they cannot have. Let’s examine a few of the most common explanations for this self-defeating behavior.

Your First love

A woman’s first experience with love is generally through her relationship with her parents. Your father represents the first man you will ever bond with in your life, and the nature and impact of that relationship may color, for good or bad, every adult relationship you have later in life. If you had an absent father, or an emotionally unavailable one, you may find yourself falling for the same type of man as a mature woman.

The Commitment-Phobe

Many women with a fear of intimacy find it comfortable to fall for unavailable men. This way they feel safe to feel emotions for the person without having to risk their heart. They are free from experiencing the negative emotions associated with a challenging or failing relationship such as disappointment, betrayal, or rejection.

The Man of Your Dreams

Some women prefer to remain in a fantasy world when it comes to their relationships. Rather than finding a guy who is ready to be with you, you prefer to care for him from afar, where you can paint an idealistic picture of a false and perfect relationship.

The Thrill of the Chase

Then there are those women who find it challenging, perhaps titillating, to desire and pursue that which they can’t have. While you may find this behavior more prevalent in men in the dating game, there are women who take a similar approach to pursuing the opposite sex. When the person is unavailable, it adds an exciting dimension to “landing the guy” which some women find addicting and irresistible.

It is easy to see here why some women do indeed end up chasing that “less than available” man, depending on their perspective on dating and males in general. Being conscious of your thoughts and behaviors when it comes to choosing a mate—and resolving to change them for the better—goes a long way towards finding a fulfilling relationship where you can appreciate all of its ups and downs. At least you have the rewarding knowledge that it’s the real thing.

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5 thoughts on “Understand Why You Are Attracted to Unavailable Men

  1. Ivana DiBenedetto

    That’s the problem with many girls, is that they seek unavailable men. I was with my ex for 14 months and there was this girl who wanted him all that time. I felt it. Eventually, our relationship went sour to due my pregnancy and other issues. So, at 8 months pregnant, she finally fought long enough and she has him. They had sex the sae day he broke up with me, or was cheating before that. I still don’t know. He doesn’t seem to understand why I know they won’t work. It’s not out of jealousy, it’s how the relationship was pursued. I give them another few months, maybe even a year if he’s that serious about it, but I think how the whole situation went down he’ll break up with her or vice versa. She had no respect for herself to do what she did, no respect for me, our unborn child, or my ex to get with him when he has a pregnant girlfriend. What she did was wrong and I’m not excusing him because I’m sure he was more than welcome to it. But sometimes women need to accept if a man’s unavailable, they are. Leave him alone. If it doesn’t work out, give him time to breathe. Trust me, if you’re meant to be together, you will be. Don’t ruin the lives of others just to “get what you want” because now I have to suffer, as well as his unborn son. Learn to love yourself.

    Rose, I know the difference from loving someone and being in love. Unfortunately, I was IN LOVE with him. Being in love with someone is looking at them every morning and never getting tired of looking at them, never getting bored. It’s you wanting to spend the rest of your life with them. I felt that towards him, obviously he didn’t. Moving on is hard, but I promise you, I will not go for an “unavailable” man or a man who just got out of a relationship because if I really liked him, I have enough respect not to do so but more than that. . . I have respect for myself.

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  2. naturelover1

    After a few bad relationships, I am finally happy to be single. I do have a man that I love, that I can never have for my own. We met at work 3 years ago. We clicked instantly, and a great friendship which lasted for more than 2 1/2 years, turned into something more a couple of months ago. We cannot see each other every day, or even every month. We are both on the same life path, and I feel he is one of my soulmates that I chose to encounter in this life. I am happy. He is married, and I would never do anything to try and take that from him. If something did happen, I know we would be together. But for now, I am fine enjoying his company every couple of months, for just a few hours. Since we are great friends, I don’t have to worry about being hurt. If a time comes where we can’t see or talk to each other, I’ll be fine with that also, because I know everything happens the way we chose it to happen, before setting foot in this physical world. What we have is not dirty, or evil.

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  3. Rose Cocca

    i love my guy for what he is today,,not what he were…i know i found mr.right..but somehow i can’t make him understand it…he is mr. right and i tell all the time…..i know the differece between love and in love…LOVE is when you love a cat or dog of my family..i love them all..but that is a different kind of love…being IN love IS ALSO DIFFERENT…that means one person that you love….and you want to have a relationship…brcause you are IN love with him…not a family member or friends…oxxo

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