Long-Term Love: 6 Things That Kill Sex in Committed Relationships

Sex in Committed Relationships

Men and women need a certain amount of intimacy to feel happy. And the quality of sex they have can make or break a relationship. In long-term, committed relationships there’s a lot that can zap your sex drive. It could be anything from busy schedules and feeling resentful to fears of infidelity or medical problems.

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Sometimes just being in a committed relationship zaps your sex drive, because you feel like there is nothing new and exciting to explore with someone you’ve been with for quite a long time. But there is! You just need to make an effort. Treat your partner and your sex life like you did when you first got together. Make time for each other and tease each other when you’re apart so you have something to look forward to when you’re together again.

In addition, you and your partner should avoid the following six things that kill the intimacy in committed relationships:

Technology

Every couple in a committed relationship needs to communicate in order to maintain their bond. But obsessive use of technology can interrupt the normal flow of communication, which is why you should set a time to shut off all devices in the evening. Whether it’s once you get home from work or at the dinner table, you need to learn to power down so you can power up your libido. Your sex life will thank you for it.

Insecurity

Insecurity can be a drain on your committed relationship. When you constantly ask your partner for reassurance, you only end up leaving a soggy residue on their sex drive. Instead of fishing for complements, make changes in your life that will make you feel so good about yourself you won’t seek reassurance from others, including your partner. If you feel sexy, your partner will think you’re sexy.

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Lack of Passion

I’m talking about the lack of creative passion and passion for one other. What do you have in your life that gets you excited? If you’re excited about something it lights a fire inside of you and you’re likely to pursue it with great effort. Your committed relationship should be one of your passions. Feel passionate about the one you spend your life with too. If you’re fighting about something, don’t let is fester. Work hard to passionately pursue a resolution.

Pets in Bed

Your sex life would be pretty abysmal if your kids slept with you every night, right? Well the same is true for your furry kids. Get them beds of their own instead of letting them sleep in yours. Letting your pets sleep in bed with you can literally create a wedge between you and your partner. Plus, who wants a partner who prefers to snuggle with the cat in bed?

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Not Helping out Around the House

Guys, you don’t have to put on an apron or do the ironing to turn on your partner. It’s fine to fix things around the house, mow the lawn and take out the garbage. Just don’t make more work for your partner! Don’t leave your dirty clothes on the floor and be sure to rinse your dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. If you’re in committed relationship, you should be sharing the chores too.

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Waiting for the Perfect Moment

The partner with the lower sex drive is usually the one who determines whether or not a couple in a committed relationship has sex and when. But there is something to be said for just doing it, even if you don’t feel like it. While you should never have sex if you really don’t want to, if you’re just feeling tired or like you need to shower first, just go for it if your partner tries to initiate sex. You’ll get into it eventually and you won’t regret the happy ending that comes with it.

19 thoughts on “Long-Term Love: 6 Things That Kill Sex in Committed Relationships

  1. hussein

    i wnt to know what a women want?bcz mine i give her evrything wat she need in lyf i tret my wife lyk a beby but ……. Evn in the bed am vry powerful man but i find it she have secnd man. I never cheat her and she never find me wth scnd woman but she only god noz.really i dnt no i fill pein in my heart but nothing to do. If is ur wife or ur husband wat a u going to do?

    Reply
  2. Beth

    Muna, it takes courage to leave someone and it is frightening thinking of being alone and on your own financially or otherwise. But you can never have God’s best as long as you stay with someone who is not God’s best for your life. I think the main reason women stay with men who are not good for them is for financial reasons or due to low self esteem. Try to have faith that when one door closes another one opens…eventually. We often have to spend time in the desert with only God as our source of comfort for a while. But that time in the desert builds us up and helps us get stronger so we can be happy and self-sufficient with or without a mate. And I personally think having children is way over-rated. People forget we have birth control now and having children is the biggest decision you will ever make. It requires a lot of wisdom, patience, money and time and it is the one thing in life you can never reverse once you have them. I am a 53 year old woman with no children who just remarried two years ago after being divorced for 14 years. I never thought I would be alone that long (although I did have boyfriends during those years), but I was not willing to settle for less than God’s best. I always thought I would find a man who was worth marrying and it did finally happen. My advice to all women is to make sure you are financially independent so you don’t have to put up with any less than stellar men and never reproduce with anyone until you have been with them at least five years and you have thought it through in depth. I know way too many women who tell me they had children without thinking it through and now feel overwhelmed with motherhood. Being a parent is a divine calling which means not everyone is called for it. A woman with no money is a woman with no power…ladies…empower yourselves so you can stay single until you find a man who is worth marrying. Otherwise just stay single! Life is a lot more peaceful and joyful that way. Many blessings and prayers going out to Muna!

    Reply
  3. Psychic -Quinn ext. 5484

    very informative article.
    – there are some other things that put off sex in long term marriages.
    getting fat
    being lazy
    no money

    but really no pets in bed 🙁
    love me love my pets.

    Reply
  4. Teresa

    I was truly respecting the fact that you respected yourself and wss gonna leave him. Then it all left when you stayed and asking do ,’you deserve to be happy’? I lost respect. Of course you deserve happiness. !!! But not respecting yourself enough or demanding respect you’ll never be happy.

    Reply
  5. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Dear Muna,

    Get out of that marriage and find somebody who will love and cherish you the way you DESERVE to be loved.

    Ladies, learn how to love yourselves !!!!
    We are down here to be happy , not be martyrs.

    Now, I believe in the sanctity of marriage and long term commitment ….BUT it takes BOTH parties to make it work.

    If your significant other won’t work on , or doesn’t care enough to work on your marital issues then it’s time to get out.

    One person doing all of the work will result in that same one person being miserable.

    Don’t be afraid of change or the unknown, it’s a big world out there, if it’s TIME to leave a relationship….then GO.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  6. Ace

    I’m in the same boat but I’m the guy …….. I feel my wife don’t loved me anymore ….. She never wants me …… I do everything for her ANC I’m tired of it

    Reply
  7. liz

    Great article..I have been in a committed relationship now for over 6 years. We have certainly had our share of ups and downs but have always seemed to pull through…until now. The biggest turn off and problem for me has been his drinking! No one wants to have sex with someone that stinks of alcohol. I truly love him but the other day I had to tell him i could no longer be with him and that I’m completely burnt out from hoping that somehow something is going to change. There comes a point when you know nothing will ever change. He just goes along drinking and he knows I don’t like it so instead of staying with me at my house and sharing responsibilities and life together he just makes excuses to go home and drink until he” falls asleep”!! We spend more time on the phone after he gets home than we do together and I can hear in his voice how drunk he is.It has been helpful writing this because it reminds me how dysfunctional this whole thing is and as painful as it is I have to leave him to save myself !! I’m fortunate enough to have an x boyfriend who really loves me and can afford to give me the world. I know i could never love anyone the way I loved him but at least I will have some kind of joy and fulfillment in my life instead of nothing but uncertainty..but it still hurts beyond any pain I have ever known.

    Reply
  8. sylvia

    LISTEN UP WOMEN!IV’E BEEN HURT MORE THAN I CARE TO REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES.THERE ARE MANY GOOD TRUE FAITHFUL MEN,BUT SO HARD TO FIND.MANY MEN ARE DOGS,LOSER’S,CHEATERS,BASTERS AND JUST FXXKED UP,THEY THINK WITH THEIR PENIS AND NOT THEIR BRAIN.BUT DONT WORRY LADIES EVERY NO GOOD BASTER DOG HAS HIS DAY.JUST LEAVE THE SORRY ROTTEN BASTERS ALONE.THEIR SORRY ASS GET A STD,MAYBE THEY’LL CHANGE THEIR ROTTEN WAY’S FROM A DIRTY COMMON GUY AND BECOME A DECEND MAN WHO THINKS WITH HIS BRAIN AND HEART

    .

    Reply
  9. musesartist

    What’s good for the goose….If you want guys to help around the house fie. But you have to give as good as you get. Today, men help with the kids, cook, clean and handle other chores as well as still doing the heavy lifting. Power jobs and most of the dirty ones will always go to the guy That being said… How about some great gourmet dinners coming their way. No reheated left overs or microwave slop. And it would be nice if ladies dressed up for more then work and going out. How about getting dolled up so a guy can remove all that great dress up you did. It’s sexy. Relationships are a two way street.

    Reply
  10. Muna

    I’m on the same boat. Mine says I worry too much about love. He says he has already had all that stuff and if I want it go find someone to get it from. He says I should worry about important things like keeping our house, cleaning the house, keeping the property up and less on love and sex. I told him to at least try to fake it so I could at least lie to myself that he cared about me. He knows I will not cheat that’s why he says go find someone. It hurts so bad to be rejected and to know that someone else is getting it instead of the one who should be getting it hurts more. As fad as getting on with your life, how can you have the confidence to do that if your being rejected because your a sorry lover, wife , housekeeper or whatever excuse he is coming up with to make himself feel better about being a mean selfish person. Putting my feelings on hold while he experiences feelings of love, desire etc. what kinda relationship is that. I’m better off being alone working two jobs to keep what I got. At least I won’t have time for a relationship problem . I’m alone when he is around anyways. it’s very hard to just act like you don’t care when their living in the same house and rubbing it in your face.

    Reply
  11. melissa

    Muna
    OMG Gf I will.keep u in my.prayers that is absolutely heart breaking on.what he is doing to u nobody deserves to be treated that an most young.girls go for younger men so maybe he is going through a mid life Crisis ” but still doesn’t make UT right uve been.in cheating relationships an.trust me they never get better. But if u decide to.stay with ur husband then. U two have definitely got to.do marriage counseling an he has to.stop.seeing the young girl.which hell he is old enough to be her dad but good luck keep me updated take.care

    Reply
  12. loreen

    Muna,

    I am very sorry for your troubles, you deserve to be happy. My best advice would be to
    get a new home for you and your son

    I would divorce him.

    dont let your happiness slip away for a man, hes not worth it
    i am not saying hate him

    just move away, and move on with your life

    and it is nice that you accept his love child

    but I would not

    this girl knew he was married and he did too
    he carried on with this girl for years???

    Reply
  13. Cathy

    One thing I didn’t see mentioned here. What if one partner is making repeated requests for acts the other partner finds offensive. A person should understand what their partner wants but when all is said and done if the answer is no, then it should be accepted. If it is not and there is a feeling of being pressured and that can kill a sex life almost as fast as an affair.

    Reply
  14. Betty

    I feel sad for Muna , there are places she can go for the mental and phyical abuse her husband is putting her thriough and get a divorce and her share of the money too .Go for it girl you deserve to be happy since he is obviously . Don’t tell the rest of the family it is none of their business .
    I’m 63 lost total interest in sex with my husband of 34 years due to fights and his abuse and being a slob sometimes not showering for weeks. I see a counselor , and I soon hope to have a better relationship with an old friend . with the blessings of my counselors , too
    The abusers are never at fault as they always put the blame on the partner . Don’t but his shit no more . Life is too short please find a counselor who will help you get out of your situation and the sooner the better . Check with a dr and see if you can have children safely then go for it , as a single parent or with a new partner . You have a good 30 years left , don’t waste it being unhappy . Your husband kept secrets from you and cheated on you so don’t feel you even owe him an explaintion . In fact letting him know would gibe him the upper hand . You deserve to have a secret too . Ladies have stick together
    when dealing with trash like your husband . If I can do it at 63 so can you . Good luck Honey . The world is waiting for you , you get your happiness. you deserve .

    Reply
  15. Muna

    We have been married 18 years. I am 53 years old my husband is 52 years and a few months old. We were very good friends and close too. Everyone admired Us as perfect couples. Lost 3 babies at birth, Thank God, I have a Wonderful 14 year old Son. I wanted more and begged my husband for 6 years to have an IVF done, he bluntly refused. I used to enjoy sex with my husband, but after a while our sex life turned soar! He complained I deny him sex when he can’t even get a proper erection and has to use his hands to thrust his manhood into me. This hurts and wounds me, and never look up to making love, as a result there was usually arguments about this, he gets angry, reported me to my Mom(who is late now), my Cousin and a friend. I asked we go talk to a doctor, he refused saying he had no problems, it was a normal thing for him. We argued had fights severally over more babies. He kept saying after losing 3 he didn’t want me risking my life. He stopped asking or demanding for sex even when I ask, he gives me excuses. I held on to God in prayers. Couldn’t talk to anyone about it bcos I felt it was sacred. Last year my husband got a 25 year old girl pregnant under the guise that it was a mistake and that I had to believe that after dating her for 5 years. The girl had a CS done a day before my Son’s birthday( my husbands consent, after breaking the news to me). I believed so much in my husband and trusted him. We talked about issues, we discuss, we were close. I felt betrayed. I almost had a heart attack, but God, my family pulled me through. I still demanded for an IVF, he still refused. I filed for a divorce, he said he will never let me go. He sees this lady at the slightest excuse, using the baby(a baby girl), as an excuse. I have tried accepting my fate and moving on. I accepted the baby obviously not the mother. I got things for the baby etc. Am confused now. I don’t seem to understand or know my husband anymore. He is not the man I married 18 years back. His behavior is like some one being directed by a remote control. We have talked and he kept reassuring me he is not marrying the girl, but just accepting his baby. I don’t believe him any more. Am no longer happy, I have lost a lot of weight(though good for my heart) but guess my life is slipping by. Am not happy. I need help! What should I do? Still ask for a divorce or hang in there? His 2 brothers are obviously supporting him. Unfortunately, we all stay in the same premises(a family house). We are Africans, from Nigeria. I have a right to be happy, or don’t i? My husband hardly touches me. We have gone through so much together and we weathered the storm. We stood by each other. Now he is a rich man and this is when I should be reaping all I sowed, but I am being treated badly. Please please please, am tired and need help.

    Reply
  16. Cecilia

    My is not the man that is open up to his wife as a wife what can I do for him to open up to me. I really educated my self how to make sex work in commited relationship I was having problem with sex being marriage for 33 years now thank you so much

    Reply

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