Love & Relationships: The Signs You May Be Overdating

Are Your Overdating?

There are two ways to get the most out of the time you invest in dating. The first is to put a lot of work into picking the people you choose to get to know better. Your second option is to kiss as many frogs and frogettes as you can, until the right one happens along. We like to call that, overdating!

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The biggest problem is that it can take a lot of searching and a lot of time to really get to know someone. In fact, surveys suggest that it takes a man three months to express his love for a new partner, and almost four and a half months for a woman to do the same. In order to save time, it seems reasonable to begin stacking partners on top of each other to cover more ground. However, at some point you’re going to find yourself swimming in warts, and exhibiting these four unfortunate signs of overdating.

Feeling Lonely Without a Full Dance Card

Loneliness can be a big motivator for singles, causing them to engage in overdating. You may feel lonely when you’re by yourself, but instead of dealing with that unpleasantness and learning to overcome it, you fill your spare time with as many dates as possible. The truth is you need to deal with the reality of being alone, so that you can find love and happiness within yourself first, before you find it with someone else. It is a double-edged sword to depend on others to make you happy and that is a huge expectation to put on just one partner because they will never be able to meet it. It is better to deal with your fear of loneliness before dating other people, because your ideal goal as a single person should be to make your happy uno a happier duo.

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You Waste Time With Doomed Dates 

Have you gone out on a hopeless date with someone that you really have no connection with? Even dating one bad seed is too many, because you would be better off spending that time with friends, family or just by yourself. Perhaps you feel that you are not dating enough, so you fill that void with whomever comes along—a classic symptom of overdating. While I do believe in destiny, you also have some control over your own happiness. If you are frustrated because you date and date and can’t find anyone, it may be time to stop looking for someone and start having more fun. Healthy, interesting people are more attracted to other healthy, interesting people who are more focused on enjoying life in general, rather than finding a relationship.

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Your Dates Are More Organized Than Your Garage

If this sounds like you, then you might be too organized. Garages are suppose to be a little (or very) disorganized at times, and dating is supposed to be impromptu and exciting, because love can’t always be planned—it just happens. When your dates become more of a series of scheduled appointments, you might no longer be in it for the right reason, which is to enjoy yourself. Yes, I said it. Dating is supposed to be fun. Overdating is a chore.

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You No Longer Get Nervous Before a Date

If you engage in overdating, you lose the jitters and gain more control over how a date turns out. You’re training yourself to be unaffected by the outcome, so you can remain cool, calm, confident, and collected regardless of what the outcome is. This is one technique that can be used to find initial dating success. However, I can tell you that love usually works a little differently. It is actually a compliment to others to be nervous, because it lets them know that the outcome matters to you. If you have dated to the point that your senses have been numbed, you may also be numb to the signs of true love. A little anxiety before a first date is never a bad thing.

11 thoughts on “Love & Relationships: The Signs You May Be Overdating

  1. ReikiGirl

    Now that I’m a little older I ask myself what the rush was to “find someone.” What I really needed to do was take time to get to know myself (of course no one could have told me that in those days). Now I know that spending time in solitude is an excellent medicine for those who are “lonely.” If you can’t stand being alone, it’s probably because you desperately need to. That is only a lesson learned through life experience.

    Reply
  2. s garrett

    im sorry I dont date havnt for years and am not interested in dating I enjoy the peacefulness all by myself no drama thats how I perfer it

    Reply
  3. Laurie

    I agree that you have to learn to love yourself, be comfortable with yourself, like yourself, and enjoy your own company before you can expect anyone else to do the same. Your happiness comes from within, and it shows on the outside. You will attract the right person when you are confident with yourself. I was in a 16yr relationship and eventually got lost in life and was not happy with myself. It has taken me a few years to get to know me again, what I want out of life, and the only one to get me there is me.

    Currently I am watching a friend who appears to be going through a “lonely” crisis, she’s: on 4 dating websites, hanging out with people half her age, and is on a few twitter sites with people half her age, just hoping someone will fill that gap.

    Reply
  4. baby

    I couldn’t agree more with this blog, I’ve learned to love and respect myself by being alone and I also learned my self worth. I just wish my friends would do the same….

    Reply
  5. Scorpio 44

    There’s NO ONE OUT THERE WORTH DATING!! ALL USERS THE men just want a mama to tell them what to do an hold their balls for them! NO THANKS! I’m goooood alll alone!

    Reply
  6. Jamie

    This is me!!! I am never nervous about dating…. I feel I am a serial dater!!! I am lonely and keep thinking one of these guys will be the one. But they so far NO!!!! I am feeling like a huge loser!! I am not beautiful but am attractive and have a good job. I’m very lonely. So I do date anyone that looks half way decent. Kind of sad I guess.

    Reply
  7. Ben

    sorry your very wrong on this one and was happily married we drifted apart and have been alone for three years and working sixty hours a week to make ends meet so no time to see or find anyone else when you get to a certain age ok so your very wrong on this one and he dating sites are full of scammers o k so it up to both male and female to make each happy

    Reply
  8. GEMINI

    Hi! Bridget. Thank you for your article. Yes, I have over dated and yes you are right.
    But, I am tired of finding men who are not honest, they want meal tickets and do not
    respect what I want. There fore I am going to retire from dating. I have done this before,
    and still I have not come across my life partner. So, I am just going to retire from dating
    and concentrate on myself, thou it is sad that there is no out there worth while. Just users.
    I do not want marriage just a life partner to enjoy the rest of my life with.

    Reply

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