Sex and Handcuffs

Is Your Libido Controlling Your Heartstrings?

Sex and handcuffs, in 2012, is more than just chaining your lover to the bedpost for a little role-play or BDSM. In fact, the shackles I am referring to are not the frilly, leopard-print toys hidden under your bed, but rather the emotional type that happens when you allow your libido to take control of your heartstrings.

When you make love to your committed lover, something very wonderful happens. Your brain explodes with various hormones, allowing your mind, body, and spirit to interact, strengthening the bond you share. Unfortunately, the brain’s hormone gates pay little attention to our bedmates. Whether you’re in bed with your soulmate, or just some guy or girl you met, you’re going to experience a similar feeling of love, security, and companionship.

The difference comes about 30 seconds after orgasm (or the morning after), when practicality, vulnerability, and insecurity regain consciousness, and you are left with the bittersweet desire to be in love. It is this feeling that can emotionally handcuff you to this person, whether they are right for you or not. Let’s look at this situation in a bit more detail.

“Book Her Danno”

Men are not immune to the emotional cuffs of sex. In fact, a man can actually find himself entangled to a woman’s web just by the promise of sex. Some women use this to lure a man’s attention and favor, so that she can get what she needs, whether it’s attention, marriage, fidelity, or lavish gifts. For better or worse, some marriages are based on this principle.

While a woman can use sex (or the promise of it) to gain leverage, in the single’s market, it no longer works quite as effectively as it once did. The reason for this is its value is now hanging on the clearance rack at Walmart. Men have found themselves in a very comfortable position as of recent years. The demand for sex is as high as ever, yet, because a quarter of women are willing to sleep with a guy within the first week of dating, it has lost some of its strength as a bargaining tool.

“Sex is an action of the body. Love is an action of the heart.” – Psychic Quinn ext. 5484

This is the direct result of supply and demand. Most singles bars have become an all-you-can-eat buffet for men. Sex is fairly easy to come by. If a woman chooses to hold out for commitment, a guy may decide to move on to the next. You may say, well, good riddance to him. However, in a world of easy sex, even the good guys are taking advantage of the sale prices. If you consider that there are more available women than men in many areas (college campuses, etc.), if a woman wants to compete in this market, she’s going to have to follow the standard rate.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. Today’s liberated woman is enjoying casual sex more than ever, so who says this is a problem? Statistics show that as single, available women age, their desire for casual sex falls like a grand piano off the side of Niagara Falls. It’s not her libido dropping, as a woman’s sexual peak doesn’t hit until her mid-thirties. Something else must be happening, such as that she is realizing she does want an emotional investment from a guy. Without it, sex is just a pair of handcuffs holding her to these men who have little reason to commit.

“You and your body are sacred and how you choose to use it, share it and honor it is part of the joy and pleasure of being a human!” – Psychic Rowan ext. 5423

The Plant and Dog Rule

How you choose to use your sex is your business, and nobody should tell you otherwise. However, I do want to leave you with one delectable appetizer for thought. Sex can short-circuit your ability to read into a person’s communication style, values, and expectations. This makes it difficult to make good decisions about the people you choose as bedmates.

If what you are looking for is sex only, all I can say is there are a lot of fabulous deals out there. However, if you have sown your oats, and are looking for more fulfillment from your lovers, you might want to consider taking up the “plant and dog rule”—if you wouldn’t trust a guy enough to take your key, water the plants, and feed your dog while you’re on vacation, you should reconsider trusting him with your heart, body, and soul!

Today, it is the women who have their hands tied. Tomorrow, however, if they chose to hold out on sex, they would have the collective power to redefine the meaning of their relationships. It would be at that point that women would inherit the earth!

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25 thoughts on “Sex and Handcuffs

  1. mystic audrey

    All these comments serve to educate in their own way. But.. what is to be said of a healthy 70yr old women who has not had sex in
    eons & eons and gives into a handsome 43yr old the first time he
    asks? I can say for certain I didn’t feel used in any way. the chemistry was there and the sex was great. The man said he was
    into older women & believed me to be about 60. It could have lasted longer but I knew it was not a lasting attraction and it had to end sooner then later. I said that to say that attractions are not always so black & white or cut and dried. So much for text book b.s. not everthing in life works that way. Women & men should go with what they feel and let the chips fall where they may. Just be smart enough to use protection and know that in the end (because sooner or later 9xs out of 10 it will end) somebody is going to have hurt feelings. So everyone go live your life to the best of your ability..Keep healthy and be Happy!!

    Reply
  2. Denzil

    Sex is a 50 50 deal it only happens if both people want it. And when since a womans body become more superior over mens. This little peace only talks about from a womans point. Did anybody ever think that men have feelings too and the same thing could happen to him.

    Reply
  3. Galina

    Even in our times of perceived sexual equality, men still have the commanding role as far as sex is concerned, and I believe that they get it too easily, and hence there is no appreciation. Sex is cheap this days, because it is widely available. Women are cheap, and readily available. We cannot change who we are – it is predefined by nature. It is men who will always possess the primeval drive to sow the seed and procreate. It is a woman’s responsibility to hold her body in high respect, preserving it for the one and only man deserving her love. Using a body as a barganing chip is manipulation and ouvert prostitution. Honest communication helps us to understand if we hold the same values and have any prospects for love to develop, and either deepen the relationship, or move on.

    Reply
  4. Gwen Brush

    Finally-great advice!!! I thought I was the only one left (who learned this the hard way) but lived it and know it’s true. Also women-say no to married men-it is 99% turmoil.

    Reply
  5. Karen Bhatia

    This is an excellent article that surmises the upshot of the Sexual Revolution. You have provided a very thorough point by point description of the emotional effects of casual sex from a micro perspective and its political economics from a macro perspective. I am saving this article as representive of our times to show to our grandkids.
    Thanks,
    Karen

    Reply
  6. Cataluna

    What a bunch of patriarchal b.s.! The 60’s and “free love” did not liberate people, it imprisoned BOTH men and women, NOT just women. While there are some valid points in the article that women should wait to know and trust the person before engaging in sex, the article points the finger at women as having the problem, which is b.s. What about men having some self-respect as well?? Men also have the powerful experience of bonding after sex, JUST LIKE WOMEN, whether they admit it or not. The article, written by a man is heavily biased and insanely offensive – comparing sex with women with the clearance rack at Walmart, sales prices, standard rate, implying women are disposable objects for sale. Disgusting! The article perpetuates the exploitation of women, blaming women and letting sleazebag men off the hook. What a bunch of typical internet crap. The guy who wrote this is a real IDIOT, he could respect himself more if he had respect for women. But then, he’s just a media tool of society. Idiot. The bottom line is BOTH men and women should respect themselves and the fact that intimacy is supposed to, by nature, be with the person you trust.

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  7. Gopinathan k

    The article was informative.But the bias of the psychic was quite evident.To use sex as a
    bargaining tool is not the right choice.The information of peaking also seems doubtful as to the
    best of knowledge and experience the peaking is in the region right from 32 to 44or 45 years.
    In the long run the aging process takes over a woman faster than man and she finds it
    difficult ,helpless to sustain herself with due acceptance from the society.

    Reply
  8. willowcat

    not true that an older woman’s libido falls off. Nor do all of them care about emotional connection since many have been in long term relationships for decades. Sex can be pretty fun without all the emotional drama mentioned in this article.

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  9. Ken

    “Today, it is the women who have their hands tied. Tomorrow, however, if they chose to hold out on sex, they would have the collective power to redefine the meaning of their relationships. It would be at that point that women would inherit the earth!”

    DISGUSTING!! Hey! Let’s revive the “Battle of the Sexes.”

    This horrible line, quoted from the article (see above), reminds me of the stupidest book I ever read called ‘Fascinating Womanhood.’ My sister had a copy, way back about 40 years ago. It advised woman to ‘stamp their feet and pout’ in order to get their ‘way.’

    Yeah…let’s go back 40 years to an utter lack of true intimacy. Let’s revive Male/Female game playing. This author…or alleged psychic.. should take a serious break from advising others about sex and love.

    Reply
  10. Ron

    You said, that “today, it is the women who have their hands tied.” I disagree to a point. I have been single for a long while now, after a few failed relationships. Yes women are vulnerable, but I want to tell you that men are as vulnerable as the women are and when we put ourselves “out there” we are also vulnerable and I am one man who is man enough to tell you that I am tired of being taken advantage of!!!

    I have also found that Women can be powerful and when they take advantage of a man, some just don’t care and believe that they can do whatever they want and there are no repercussions!. Women today are powerful, and there are a are a lot of women that take and take and take, and don’t give a damn who they hurt! It is time that women and men take some responsibility for their roles, their lives and the people that they have in their lives and realize that we all want to be loved and not just for the moment! When we are with someone, and give everything to that person, both parties need to realize that if that relationship comes to an end, that we still want to have our lives, and not end up with NOTHING! I had been their twice and now I am in a situation again where my ex wants everything and I mean Everything, leaving me with nothing. It is not just me that I am talking about. I know many men that have gone through this!
    I am very tired of being taken advantage of!

    Tomorrow, however, if WE chose to hold out on sex, WE ALL would have the collective power to redefine the meaning of OUR relationships. It would be at that point that WE ALL would inherit the earth!

    Reply
  11. Joe White

    The key to finding a satisfying relationship is each person’s self appreciation. The more we appreciate who we are the more we will attract great partners…..everything else is irrelevant.
    Our relationship with our Self is paramount….everything flows from there…good or bad. We attract who we think we are.

    Reply
  12. Nicole

    It is too bad that women’s bodies are collective bargaining chips…power tools to lure the male into meaningful lasting relationships. If a man is attracted to my mind…that is the greatest feeling and compliment he could ever bestow on me.

    I work in the field of research and am surrounded by highly intelligent women scientists, statisticians, chemists, biologists, physicians and lab techs…very attractive and well groomed. A guy just looking for sex would fail miserably with the intellectually endowed women…but when one of these gals meets “Mr. Perfect for Her”…the sparks of mental brilliance will captivate his intellect…and the ensuing sex would be a huge bonus to their burgeoning relationship.

    I know many extremely attractive women who were Playboy bunnies went on to become graduate students with Ph.D.’s. The brilliant women out there…and there are many…have the ultimate “bargaining tool” and can change this “been there…done that” and “throwaway society” into a Nirvana for both sexes by utilizing their brains and talents (not bodies) to captivate the male race.

    And get rid of pornography!

    Reply
  13. Linda

    I believe this short article is so true. It has got to the piont where guys just expect sex to happen alot sooner than I am comfortable with. It is a shame, but I also believe alot of woman paved the path to this behavior. I want a guy who is more interest in me than my body parts.

    Reply
  14. Kavin Arnold

    This is a very complex situation because if I meet a woman who gives me sex to soon, I won’t respect her enough to want a relationship with her. Somewhere in my head I’m wondering if it’s this easy for me, who else can get it this easy? She may be an independent woman but she’s also an alone woman more often than not. If she doesn’t want a committed relationship then this is an okay practice, but don’t attemp to take this JUST sex relationship to the next level later because somewhere in her mind she thinks I may be the one. I being a male am going to check to see if in fact I can have sex with her the momment were alone and ofcoarse I want to have sex with her right now, but if she gives it to me and she just met me, my thoughts of her are nothing nice. As soon as were done I’m ready to get away from her, even if I’m nice and hang around for a while because I might want to sex her again in the future…

    Reply
  15. PansyPotter

    Well written. Well done!

    Women of today take heed to the very last paragraph.

    Let me also add that today’s problems with commitment from your man is this problem of giving of yourself too freely. Don’t do it. Save yourself a lot of grief. You don’t have to move in with him, you can manage yourself. Date him, get to know him, commit and then marry.

    Reply
  16. Pam Johnson

    What this is telling me is The Morals and Values between man and woman has no respect
    Is this like an old saying why buy a cow when you can get the milk free type of thing…….
    she may have the pasture to herself but she want be miserable in fact she could end up being
    a lot more happier more sucessful,and treated like a human being should be treated.

    Reply
  17. Raymond Gregorius

    Your program is too too expensive for me at this time.how about giving me something to hook my teeth into? Ray

    Reply
  18. Mark Taylor UK

    I think the reality is we go through all these emotions of the brain, heart and spirit. I firmly believe lust is what first attracts people, the chemical reaction to want and desire comes first, this is then heated up with intellectual stimulus and communication, during this moment we experience all the above article. Man would not be here millions of years later without the primeval desire to mate as a priority, if we lived a solely intellectual life and analysed everything first before acting we would have died out as a caveman! we are all guilty and quite rightly so of wanting to remain attractive and desireable and mate. It is modern times that is changing the debate and rules of relationship engagement, let’s get real here, god forbid if everything went tomorrow and we lost our civilisation, peace, and safety and were again back in the dark ages, man would again become the hunter gatherer and woman would become the stay at home maternal mother and cook! its evoloution, and as life always has done to date, everything goes round in circles, our brains are wired to mate for survival. we complicate things by trying to analyse and evolve differently, and NO I am not sexist!

    Reply

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