Refresh Your Sexual Energy

Remember how things used to be when you and your lover first hooked up? The sexual energy was through the roof… you would fall into an embrace at the drop of a hat (or a pair of pants). Yet as time passed, things would get in the way of your intimacy – exhaustion after a long day at work, bills to pay, mouths to feed, emotional anger, and that rushed “we’ve got 10 minutes right now” attitude just wasn’t enough.

So what do you do when the excitement of the hot and heavy early days of your relationship has simply faded over time? First, recognize that it’s normal to slip out of the “honeymoon” phase of your relationship – not necessarily because the act of having sex doesn’t feel good, but because we’re biologically programmed to allow this to happen.

History lesson
If you want to really get down to the nitty-gritty of why this occurs, it’s because back when we were cave people, the act of having sex was simply to procreate and allow our species to continue. It wasn’t about scented candles or romantic music (though the sound of our delighted groans echoing off of the cave walls might have made an interesting soundtrack). It was simply about the act – and devoting it to any one partner was unlikely. Now that we’ve evolved into singular relationships and discovered an appreciation for the intricacies of romance and lovemaking, we need to work a little harder at maintaining that passion.

So, what can you do about it in your more highly evolved state? Ignoring it is a bad idea, as nothing can improve unless you address it. So here’s how to get your mojo going again and deal with a number of intimacy issues which may be zapping your mutual satisfaction.

Planned intimacy
Maybe by the time of day your honey wants some lovin’, you’re too pooped to pop. This is not an issue of lack of passion, merely one of mismatched energy cycles. We live such heavily scheduled lives it’s often hard to find that window of opportunity that overlaps with your partner’s. So, as clinical as this may sound, make an appointment for sex that is a time compromise. Seriously! It’s a date for sex – and why not? Set it up with some pre-sexcapades, like dancing in the moonlight, a bubble bath, mutual massages – anything that leads to the inevitable romp in the hay. Now choose different times during the day for this same type of sex session. You’ll likely find that with the mutual compromise, there’s less resentment of being imposed upon and a realization that if you really want great sex, it will happen – no matter what time of day.

Being there
Furthermore… keep communication open. If you speak your mind – in a kind, heartfelt manner – you and your partner will be less likely to allow resentment over some minor issue to build into something major. You don’t want to open the door for your sweetheart to go elsewhere for some “understanding,” do you? Be there for your honey – listen, give advice, offer support where needed – be a true partner (and expect the same in return). It will carry over into your love life and will be the bond that makes the difference between a relationship of lust (which fades over time) and a relationship of trust (which is everlasting).

Creative foreplay
You may also try activities that bring you closer. Try doing yoga together – the deep breathing, stretching and flexibility moves are conducive to erotic thoughts – and eventually, actions. Massage each other, wash each other, work up a sweat over a run, tennis match, karate or any physical action. Notice the details of your partner’s physique that turn you on – and say so. “I love the way your hip bones look,” you can say, as you gently run a finger over them. Or you may notice the way your loved one sweats or smells. Let them know you admire this. It’s honest communication that makes them feel good and is an open door to more physical action.

But don’t end your communication when you’re making love. Of course, you wouldn’t want to have a running dialogue or (heaven forbid!) a play-by-play, but you should let your lover know what feels good. And be open to creativity in the bedroom – you never know what magical sexual door might open for you that will freshen your relationship.

The key to keeping your sexual energy charged is to temporarily discard the tried-and-true and open your mind to the adventure of making love.

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  1. Pingback: Sage Wisdom…or Jedi Mind Trick? | Adrianne Stone

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