Notches on the Bedpost: Are You Counting What Counts?

Just a Number?

Have you ever asked your partner how many people they’ve slept with, only to discover it’s way more or way less than the number of people you’ve slept with? Awkward. But what do those numbers really mean? Do they really matter and should they? And can you overcome them? Let’s discuss the possibilities.

Mathematics of Gender

When it comes to their number of sexual partners, men tend to round up, while women tend to round down. Men may round up because they think it makes them look more manly and desirable. Women may round down if they’re not necessarily proud of some of their conquests. So if your partner isn’t comfortable being honest with you, know that the number they give you is probably less or more than the actual truth. But if you’re in a relationship where you can be honest with each other, no matter the number, appreciate the honesty.

Mathematics of Sexual Disease

There is a stigma associated with having “too many” partners and having “too few” partners. If you’ve slept with a lot of people, you may be viewed as insatiable, commitment phobic or harboring disease. And if you’ve only slept with a few partners, you may be seen as sexually frigid, bad in bed, or difficult to please. Both ways of thinking are false. Disease isn’t a numbers game—it only takes one time. And people who have had few sexual partners could be late bloomers. Perhaps they haven’t made sexual relationships their top priority or perhaps the see sex as a sacred act, and don’t have it with just anybody.

The Middle Ground

The magic number for sexual partners seems to be 10. But if you or your significant other have had more or less, there is no reason to be alarmed. What really matters is that you’re together now and committed to each other—the past is the past. An experienced lover could be a skilled lover who aims to please. A less-experienced lover could indicate a desire for only meaningful relationships, so if you’re with them, consider it meaningful.

Remember, They’re Being Honest

Look beyond their numbers and focus on their honesty. If your significant other is being honest with you, it means they have faith in your relationship. So before you judge them for their “wild past,” or their “nunlike past,” think about what their numbers actually say about them, and not some group of random strangers who filled out a survey or participated in a “scientific” study.

If you have a great relationship, it doesn’t matter how many people your significant other has or hasn’t slept with. Your relationship is based on compatibility on all levels—not just the sexual. You don’t want to be judged by your past and neither do they. Sex isn’t a competition. It’s a fun, sometimes meaningful experience shared between people. So let’s not freak out about numbers.

3 thoughts on “Notches on the Bedpost: Are You Counting What Counts?

  1. Seren ext. 5445Seren, Ext 5445

    There are definitely some interesting perspectives offered here but I must respectfully disagree with your comment that “Disease isn’t a numbers game.” While it is true that it only takes one, the risk of spreading or contracting an STD, or any other disease for that matter, does increase exponentially with our contact with possible carriers.

    Whatever one’s number, safe sex should be a priority. It’s respectful to oneself and one’s partner or prospective partner.

    Brightest Blessings,
    Seren, Ext 5445

  2. Jessica

    Please let me know if this relationship is really over or in a funk.If it’s over then is there anyone in my future of love/new beginning with someone?

  3. Margaret

    I’m in a relationship but he always get mad for stupid thing .. It his way of taking off by himself coming home late..


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