Leaving Your Married Lover

Chris’ Question:

Hello, Liam.

C.G. Jung said, “the depth of one’s falling in love is proportional to the depth of our loneliness. For over two years, I’ve been in a relationship with a married man. Every attempt to leave him leads to pain, and yet I feel the weight of not being able to be with him all the time. I do not want to break up his family, and I have told him so. He says he wants me around forever. Our moments together are amazing. We have made incredible memories. Is this only the deep infatuation of two unhappy people, brought together by loneliness? Should I make the step again, to leave?

Psychic Liam ext. 9290 responds:

What a wonderful inquiry. Very thought-provoking. Jung’s work on themes such as archetypes and the collective unconscious are invaluable, and I would not at all disagree with that perspective on loneliness. Oftentimes, it can be a powerful factor in one’s ability to connect with romantic love, especially on the more powerful end of the sexual spectrum. Despair, fear, peril, love, are all part of the same subconscious broth. However, no matter how powerful this factor is, it is but one of many. Love is multidimensional and harbors a harrowing component undefined by both science and spirituality (though both try ever so hard to manage it).

In your case, I sense that the love between you and this man was indeed sparked by your mutual isolation. In his case, he was living without much by way of affection or sensual embraces. You, I feel, have always been rather aloof. Still there is a great charm there for the right man, with the right touch. Loneliness might have indeed been a factor in your desire to come together, but there are many other components that make it improbable that you will leave him or he will leave you.

Make no mistake, I feel your agony and the torment of your soul. Welcome to true love. If you ever wonder if you are truly in love, ask yourself if you suffer greatly. If you don’t, then the love is not real. Bliss is its other face: total ecstasy. Bliss lives only in the moment. It cares nothing for consequence or the future. Beings in true love will tear apart their lives to find the embrace of their beloved, even unto their own destruction. Many cannot feel what you are feeling. It frightens them too much to feel so much, and still they long to.

So I must ask you, why does this relationship have to end? Why even contemplate ending what is so laden with ecstasy? Why turn away such a rare gift? Take what is given and drink the cup that is passed, in sorrow, perhaps, but also with the scorch of desire on your lips. You and your lover will never be in a conventional relationship. Your kind of love is best relegated to shadow, for the light of day would kill it. Stop seeking answers that can never be found and just go be in the moment with your lover. It’s a wondrous place to be.

Be well.

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3 thoughts on “Leaving Your Married Lover

  1. Sebrina Lee Biscardi

    I will never even look at another man for quite awhile now. It really makes me wonder why men are such cheaters??? You’d think I would have a radar for these unfaithful men, but I guess I am learning the hard way!! I think some woman find it enchanting to be with a married man, I find it to be absolutely selfish!!!!! I would have gladly waited for him to get a divorce, even after I kept telling him to leave me alone and just give his marriage another chance. I guess you really have to leave the cheater alone, completely, to go and cheat with another stupid woman?!?!? I was so stupid to ever think that he had the same feelings I had for him.. NOT!! Well it’s over and I can move on and let God heal my heart and soul from this pain.. God bless those who have been cheated on – especially you married folks!!!

  2. 4urlove

    This is a great Subject. Finally, something worth talking about. Being a Women of age 35 I can relate to this topic completely. I have Experienced both “Being the Lover” or “Have a Lover”. Being the lover myself honestly I can only handle a short time. I don’t like to be “Second”! I found myself very lonely and heartbroken from a 6 year relationship that had ended late last year 2009. I met an older man through my oldest sister. We didn’t hit it off right away. Before we were going to hit it off he was quick to let me know he is married with no intentions of leaving his wife, and that he has responsibilities to his family. That nothing would change that. Him being honest with me was a turn on. I was still suffering my heartbreak with my ex-boyfriend so it didn’t matter… I wanted to feel wanted again and enjoy the making love experience that I sooo yearned for… I gave him my reasons too and to myself being I didn’t want to be the “lover”, but how could I turn him down if he is awesome… I had a gutt feeling that he would make me happy untill I can find a partner that would be all mine. We both agreed to be committed to each other and respect one another… We became bestfriends and lovers… 9 months in the relationship we can’t hide our feelings for each other, but the fact remains he is married, and his responsibilities still remain… He told me sometime before that, that he’s not selfish and he wants me to be happy, because having me as the “lover” is not fair to me. We broke up this month December 2010, because I have followed his advice to be happy. He is very understanding, and it will be hard, but I can’t be selfish neither. I will soon be in a serious relationship with my Elemetary – High School Sweetheart who I did not speak to in 17 years… He is in the Military and has told me he will visit me and start a romantic relationship before New Year’s 2011. I am taking a risk on True Love…

  3. Dm Gibson

    on this i disagree liam.. he doesnt love her or he would b with her. men claim this bs all the time. i once said never.. but i have been there.no doubt she really fell for him. and no doubt he has said the folowing
    she doesnt understand.
    nothing i do is right
    i dont know if i am strong enough to leave
    im catholic they dont allow divorce
    after the holidays.. blah balh blah
    my aunts xhusband left her for someone and would come back
    plain and simple they want thier cake and to eat it too.
    you wil always be second best. because chances are he really loves his wife too.( same as men in this sit with a married woman)
    ask yourself was he honest in the beginning?? did she know he was married or was it told later.. my second relationship told me many months after i was already in love.

    a friend is just that a friend
    a wife or husband is that — and not available- or they would be not married.
    sometimes being friends leads to feeling more. my last relationship was friends. but felt closer and we are both honest about it. friends we remain . i give him space because he has been honest on that-rather or not he is talking to others in a sexually way is his business

    i always try to question how would i lke to be the third party. my second i caught with nude pics- and heard conversations- he delets his phone so i dont know now– but i know he gets calls. so nothings changed.
    my suggestion is no matter what you do you will be there when he is bored or not getting hwat ehwants. so ask your self do you want to be used or cut your loss as an experience and move on. you are better than this relationship youneed someone there 27/7 and true only to you.. good luck on this its soemthing that is majorly lacking– as along as you arent caught seems to be the new motto. one reason why i have given up.


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