10 Ways to Jerk-Proof Your Life

I’ve had my fair share of tools. Over the years I have learned how to spot them, then how to avoid them, and finally how to not allow them into my life anymore. Here are some ways to stop attracting tools, rejects and other detrimental additions to your life.

1. Love thyself! It’s definitely not a cliché. Players and psychos have a way to literally sense insecurity and weakness. On top of that, your most dominate state of being is going to attract other “like-minded” individuals. If you feel unworthy, ugly, unimportant, etc., you will attract another who either feels the same, or confirms your negative thoughts by treating you in ways that support your subconscious self-image.

2. No excuses! Ever read the book “He’s just not that into you?” It really doesn’t take the obvious here, but the small, subtle hints will suffice. If he stands you up, can only spend one day of the weekend with you, doesn’t return calls, etc. he is not into you. No, he didn’t get hit by a bus; he isn’t stranded without a phone or got into an accident. If he has no respect for your time and acts as a flake in the beginning, imagine how it will be a few months or years down the road!

3. Know your own worth! Just  because he had bad relationships in the past, got lied to, cheated on, had a bad childhood or any other sob stories, does not give him the right to treat you unkind or disrespect you. A sad past does not give license to be dishonest, fall out of integrity or use and abuse another

4. Choose “healthy” friends! Here is a great way of gauging this one. Ask yourself if you could marry any of your friends. If the answer is “no,” and you are spending time and space with people who have no direction, people you do not admire and people who do not challenge you to grow, chances are you will attract the same in guys. It works like an occupational hazard. How can you meet the right guy if you are hanging in the wrong crowd? And on that note, guys will judge you based on who surrounds you! Your environment speaks volumes about you as a person.

5. Don’t talk yourself into the relationship! I understand that it gets lonely out there. I also understand how it feels when it appears as if you found someone. But if there are red flags in the very beginning, pay attention to them! Don’t think you can change him, don’t feel you need to stick around, but move on. By deal-breakers I mean traits that are absolutely not acceptable to you under any circumstance. This could be drug use, a bad temper, being flaky/not keeping his word, or even be as simple as not being attracted to him.

6. Make a list! Yep, this worked like a charm for me, not just in relationships but in other things as well. Make a list and note down the following two columns: Must Haves and Compromisables. Do not use negative language, i.e. “I don’t want,” and do not use superficial traits, like height, or hair color. Instead, be specific without limiting yourself. For example: Must Haves: Honest with himself and others, integrity, kind, caring, chemistry/sexually compatible… The chemistry part takes care of the exterior description, as we generally do not have chemistry with people that we are not attracted to. Carry the list with you, look it over at least once a day and NEVER compromise on the Must Haves!

7. Follow your gut! Everyone is intuitive to a certain degree. We generally know when we meet someone if there is something off, or if the person is not right for us. Follow this initial instinct. If you are a person who talks herself out of her initial gut feeling, ask an intuitive friend to give you some insight. A neutral person can often spot the things we may purposely ignore.

8. Make a deal with your friends! I had one with my best friends. The deal was that any new guy I was dating would have to pass “inspection” by my best friends. They had total permission to tell me what they saw and any flags were to be raised and discussed openly and honestly.

9. Take your time! I know that being single can be sad and I know it’s difficult. But if you become desperate you will start to not just compromise (which can be a good thing), but settle. Nothing good comes from settling, besides the fact that you are wasting your and his time.

10. Don’t believe everything you read in books or advice columns – think for yourself! Yep, I think a lot of the info out there is not only conflicting, but also flat out wrong at times. No, not all guys who merely tolerate their mothers are bad husbands. No, not all men who have been cheated on, or were married/engaged to psychos are broken for good and cannot function in a “normal relationship.” Just like not all guys who have an amazing relationship with their mothers are good husbands or boyfriends.

Some guys will simply never learn. It is up to you to connect the dots. Listen carefully to what friends he keeps and what they are saying about him. Also look at his previous history with relationships and pay close attention to specific patterns. How he treats you, how he speaks to you, how he looks at you, how thoughtful he is and how often he thinks of you will all show who he is and where you are headed. A good guy is really not that hard to spot and if you severe doubts in a guy to begin with, that should serve as a big enough flag to further examine him.

No man is perfect, and neither are you. But there is a huge difference between a self-absorbed jerk or loser and a genuine good guy. With a little practice, self-awareness and determination the tools of the world will no longer have an in to your life anymore.

9 thoughts on “10 Ways to Jerk-Proof Your Life

  1. kroo

    Great article!
    Since I am now single for the first time in 52 years, I now realize it is imperative I have a clear head when meeting
    new men. Im not very good at this since I spent all of my adult life in 2 long term relationships.
    Its very scary out there. When I was in the dating pool 15 years ago I took all the positive characteristics of each man I was attracted to and when meeting someone new I looked to those characteristics. It can be done.
    I found someone that had all of those qualities but ultimately the negative qualities of this man surfaced and well, I held on for 6 more years and that was the worse mistake of my life.
    The heartache only intensifies the longer you wait.
    If it is over, RUN! Dont wait for them to change or become the man you once fell in love with.
    It just makes the inevitable more painful in the end.
    I am ‘recovering’. Its not easy.
    So, thank you for this article. I need all the insight I can get. One day I hope to find a great partner for life.
    At my age it is not an easy road to travel to find a good guy.
    Im giving myself some time to recover and I have just begun working on that ‘list’ and I am finally starting to look
    forward to meeting new men. Ive been on a sort of sabatical for awhile and my work takes me all over the world so it is not easy to establish a relationship with someone new when I am not in one place for any length of time.
    So, I am also looking to change my career so that one day I may have a partner to share my life with.
    love and peace to all

    Reply
  2. nicol

    Hello. Great article. Just curious. What if the guy comes across as genuine and shy at some times, yet at other times confident, experienced, good at initiating conversations and doesnt say too much about himself. There are some signs that made him come across as a player. His friends seemed well in control of themselves and looked after this man as a friend as well. They were there for him. He is a Gemini. I found it so confusing to see if the genuine side was just a cover. Other hints makes me think he’s approaching and making love to many other women. Too confused of the mixed signals. It was at a swimming centre. The one thing i hated though was that when speaking to me he would face the lane instead of looking at me. Again i wondered if this was just because he was shy with low self esteem or if he was just trying to get me more interested, cos it worked! … But he had the confidence to start talking to me. And good at it too. Plus if ever I caught him checking me out he would quickly look away and pretend it didnt happen.

    What do you think.

    Reply
  3. mystrylady

    Marvelous,Thanks for re directing me to my gut feel,I ignored it once ,And suffered for twenty years,Never again.:-)

    Reply
  4. velvetoversteel

    Great list and I totally agree! Very interest insight Gina Rose! I always wondered!! 🙂
    Thanks for sharing, Carmen! I love all your articles!
    Hugs,
    Coreen

    Reply
  5. Carmen Hexe

    I actually stick with the formula of two columns: Must Have and Compromisable. I don’t ever put down what I don’t want and I taught my friends to not ever use negative language, since the subconscious mind does not differentiate between the two. It’s like saying “DO NOT THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT!” What does your mind think of? Just that.

    Hence, when we write down what we do not want, by design this is precisely what we are attracting. I have done this experiment with a friend of mine, who insisted that she needed to put what she doesn’t want. So I asked her “How’s that working out for you?” We have known each other for 15 years. Making lists of things we didn’t want kept attracting just that over and over.

    So no, when it comes to the lists, I only put down what I must have and what I can compromise on and I do not deviate on the “Must Haves.”

    Love and Light,
    Carmen

    Reply
  6. cancer56

    I am a cancer who has been through so much in my life that I dont even want to be with a husband at this time in my life. The thing is that I do have one. I do get this feeling that I am better living with my self. I do feel very much like a loner or someone who just wants to be alone in quiet and peace. 7/8

    Reply
  7. misskrystalmisskrystal

    I can see what you mean, Gina Rose…We have to be ourself…Eventually, it is going to come out, anyway-
    🙂
    &
    Thanks, Carmen. Always love your posts.
    Miss Krystal

    Reply
  8. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Carmen,

    Another great article…..you go girl!

    I encourage my clients to do # 6…make a list of the traits you DO want and the traits you DO NOT want……then, stick to your list.

    And # 10 is excellent too….those how-to books are generally useless…..connect the dots yourself when evaluating a prospective mate or partner.
    ……and PS….. (Over the years,…I’ve read for some very famous authors of some of those how-to books who don’t follow the advice in their own churned-out-for-mass-media-for-a- profit- book)……so connect the dots yourself.

    Great tips.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply

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