Forgive Transgressions to Keep Your Bond Strong
Extending an olive branch of forgiveness to someone who has hurt us is a huge deal. In a marriage, though, the heartbreak caused by secrets, lies, betrayal and worse can feel beyond devastating. Suddenly it becomes painfully clear that sometimes the people we’re closest to can also be the hardest to forgive, maybe because we trusted them the most.
Change and Growth
After a betrayal, it can be hard to suppress your vindictive side. You’re justified in feeling hurt, and it’s only natural to feel like lashing out, but carrying on this way too long will only cause the hurt to fester. Worse than mere physical wounds, emotional wounds that fester will grow like a cancer, eventually affecting your whole being, mentally, physically, physiologically and spiritually. Being able to forgive is not easy. It takes trust, faith, and all that you can muster within you, but inside you know it’s the right way, the only way to move forward in your relationship and in your own life.
As Rivers ext. 5273 says, “The only person you can change is yourself. Learn to accept others as they are or move on.”
Heal Your Soul and Marriage Through Forgiveness
Why mention forgiveness before I mention the offender’s apology? Because no matter what the other person does, has done or will do, you will still experience the most joy in your own life, in your own soul, if you show forgiveness, even if the other person is not repentant and they don’t say “I’m sorry.”
Alexander Pope once said, “To err is human; to forgive, divine.” It speaks to the divinity of true forgiveness, and yes, it also feels divine. But your soul is part of the original source of life, the Divine; your connection to that source can only lead you to the path of making peace and moving on.
Apologies Aren’t Overrated
Apologies really aren’t overrated; they are, in fact, very healing for both parties, just as forgiveness is. Whether or not you move on together or apart, there needs to be a clean slate on which to build a new life. It all starts with an apology. Over time, it will hopefully be followed with forgiveness and a pact to move forward, never again bringing up the pain unearthed by this whole horrific ordeal.
Perhaps the hardest part of this whole experience has been the changes you’ve both gone through. If, through all the trials and pain, you can manage to come through it all together, vowing to redefine your relationship in a better, more focused way, to reignite that original spark and re-affirm your commitment as a couple, then know that your relationship has changed in a certain way forever, and thank heaven it has.
This new marriage is more honest than the old one. This relationship is new, and you will enjoy all the excitement of that new relationship feeling, with the comfort of knowing that you’ve gone through something so tough and still made it out together. In many ways, this whole process and transformation has been a gift. You are stronger as a couple now, and even closer than before.