When it comes to great sex stories, the true champions are not young rockstars or newlyweds, but rather the frisky grandmas and grandpas of the world. A new study reported by the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality, asked married couples over the age of 60 about their secrets to a successful marriage. They found that great sex actually appeared to evolve in a forward motion as a relationship matured, rather than devolve, as most people would think. For those of you who feel that your sexual relationship with your partner is on a backwards-facing hill, here are some real sex tips from the people who have been saying “I love you” for the past 40 years or more:
Stay present in the present
One of the biggest killers of intimacy is not being in a present state of mind. Some couples, especially those in turmoil, tend to focus on other things when making love, rather than the task at hand. They think about getting the kids’ lunches ready for school, the disappointing sex that happened the week before, or even that their partner forgot to take out the trash! Mature couples tell young couples not to sweat the small stuff — it’s more important to relish the time they have together, allowing their energies to intertwine and become one.
Tune into your partner
The art of communication can mean many things, but one of the most important parts of fostering an intimate, loving relationship is sharing ourselves. This means our fears, concerns, joys and pleasures. In order to do this, couples need to get in sync with each other, learning to listen, respect and respond to both verbal and non-verbal cues. By tuning into your partner, not only will it allow your spiritual bond to strengthen, but also your sexual bond. Making love should be about communicating each other’s desires — and then learning how to rock each other’s world!
Break down your walls
We all have walls we fortress ourselves around. While most good relationships have very few of these, there are usually a few aspects of ourselves we choose not to share with our partner. These are usually due to embarrassment, or concern about overstepping our bounds. Our best sex comes from sharing, taking risks and being uncritical/unself-conscious of ourselves. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what it is you really want in the bedroom, including your dreams, fantasies (sex pictures, sex videos, etc) and deepest, darkest desires. If you never share, how can you expect those dreams to come true?
Prepare for a lifetime of sexual adventure
It has been said that very few people could ever accomplish all they have set out to do in a lifetime. The same thing should be said for their sex lives. Sex should be a constant discovery of each other. None of us are constant beings. We are forever changing our minds, passions and desires, and our sex life should reflect that. If you feel your relationship is cooling off, perhaps you should first ask yourself if it’s the passion that’s disappearing or the time you used to spend discovering new things about each other. When was the last time you invited your partner on a sexual adventure?
Learn the beauty of vulnerability
Many of us were taught as children that vulnerability denotes weakness and a lack of self reliance. In truth, vulnerability in love promotes honesty, self-confidence and the healing of past wounds, which might otherwise continue to affect our lives and relationships. While surrendering yourself can leave you open to greater hurt, its strength lies in the bond that’s created when lovers share their vulnerabilities equally. Sexually, this means standing before one another naked, both physically and emotionally, allowing our souls to be penetrated until we learn how to grow together as loving, spiritual entities.