When You Aren’t Equally Yoked in a Relationship

When You Aren't Equally Yolked in a Relationship

Are You and Your Partner Equally Invested in Your Relationship?

When you are in a relationship and you and your partner aren’t equally yoked, the relationship can feel like a game of tug-of-war, except one partner is always tugging while the other is not. Sometimes they have to pull extremely hard to make their partner keep up with them. Other times, they don’t have to pull quite so hard. But, one partner is always definitely pulling.

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The times when your partner steps up are wonderful. You feel invigorated and excited, because you think they finally get it. You think they have finally grown into the soul mate you always believed they could be. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. A partner who steps up once in a while is like a marathon runner, who has a burst of speed at the end of a race. They can’t maintain this level of speed throughout. Similarly, in your relationship, you may be with a partner who has bursts of helpful energy that don’t last. Suddenly they step up, share the burden, and make your life easier. But almost just as soon as they step up, you feel them stepping back—their energy having expired. This gives you a false hope and then the cycle begins all over again. Are you carrying 70% or 80% of the burden in your relationship?

They’re Not Capable of More

You get frustrated when you ask your partner to do more, they do it for a short period of time, and then they stop. The truth is, they really aren’t capable of more in such a short period of time. They aren’t capable of sharing the burden equally with you, and it’s actually unfair to ask them to do more. Chances are you’re a tree and they’re a sapling or seed.

Trees and Saplings

Have you ever looked out into a field and seen a huge oak tree? You know it didn’t get so big and strong in one day, year or even a decade, right? It took a lifetime for a seed to grow into that huge oak tree. That tree is the perfect metaphor for our spiritual journeys. We have to grow strong spiritual roots before we can grow into a massive, strong “tree.” It’s often the unseen, spiritual roots in a person that create their true beauty. We look at that big, beautiful tree and want to be in its shade, without realizing that it was once a sapling or seed.

Think of yourself as that big, beautiful tree and your partner as a seed or sapling. It might not be healthy for the two of your to be together. You’re a big, beautiful tree and you need to absorb water through your roots to stay strong. Well maybe your roots deprive the little sapling (your partner) next to you of the water they need to grow. You need the sun to help you grow, but maybe your big, strong, leafy branches are depriving the little sapling next to you of sunlight. Perhaps saplings should be with other saplings and big trees should be with other big trees.

Achieving Spiritual Oneness 

Being equally yoked is a kind of spiritual oneness and it is something to be achieved. It takes patience, discernment and wisdom. The partner you want may not be the partner you need and the person you love may not be the partner in the relationship you need. Remember, any man or woman can step up to the plate and share the burdens and challenges of life with you part of the time. But life isn’t a sprint or a dash—you need someone to run the full marathon with you and be equally yoked in your relationship. That’s how you know you’re soul mates!

5 thoughts on “When You Aren’t Equally Yoked in a Relationship

  1. Elaine

    Myself and husband have been together for 38 years, and now are seniors; We used to be equally hard working raising 3 children etc. 10 years ago I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and my health has declined considerately, My husband John is feeling hard done by as I cannot keep up with him anymore, and our marriage has gone downhill. What do you suggest about this long term relationship. Unhappy mostly, Elaine

  2. Colleen

    What to do (?), what to do (?)… Married 34 yrs. 8/27/1980 Great Father .. ( unexpected twin sons @ (me)., 21 yrs old.. 1-st Anniv in the hospital having them.. My..,Parents gave every single thing we/the Boys ever needed…he was put into the Family Company ..when I was 17., now..I’m 55 .. Always there for the boys & the Company., yet.., for me… Idk?? He was/he is.. But that ‘feeling is soooo gone…. Ya know?? Anyone know.(?).. So., I stay .. I lost my Father CEO & brother., 2011 now, he’s W-my mother (@79 yrs old) –he’s 59 — running the Family Co., I really have .. Or felt like I’ve lived a life., for everyone else., but me.. Maybe next ‘lifetime’??

  3. Lynn

    I have been attempting to date an older gentleman, he just does not get it. I have pulled back from him due to there is not anything worth holding onto. according to a friend I have been compartmentalized, and that is all. I tried to break it off the end of summer and he was just supposed to let me go, that is what he has done in the past, just allowed me to take a “vacation” from him. This time he would not let me go, says he loves me, but it is the same old routine day after day, and its just old, and I am done settling. He states that I should take advantage of what is in front of me, really.


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