Do You Have Realistic Expectations When It Comes to Love?

Realistic Expectations When It Comes to Love

Your Expectations Should Be Grounded In Reality

Having healthy relationship expectations is a critical aspect of finding love. Yet there are times when your “ideal partner” and all the boxes you expect them to tick, could actually prevent you from finding the love you seek. Your expectations could be so high that no one will ever meet them.

Is your soulmate near? Psychic Archer knows!

He Had a Dark Secret

I once had a client who had met someone she felt really connected and attracted to. They got on really well and everything seems to be going great. But then he revealed a dark secret—he had a really hairy back! At first I thought she was kidding when she said that his back hair was a deal breaker. But she was being truthful—she wasn’t willing to live with it in a long-term relationship.

The Real Problem

But his hairy back wasn’t really the problem. I pointed out that what she was really avoiding was the prospect of a genuinely close relationship. Genuine human relationships aren’t always neat and well-manicured. Often, they are messy, complex and vulnerable. Shallowness has no place in a genuine relationship.

Men Go After a Certain Look

I can’t say that she was the only caller who has complained about something superficial in a partner. I have had male callers who also have very shallow ideas of what an ideal partner should be. They often think that getting a “hot” woman is most critical. As we live in a culture that objectifies women at every turn, it is no surprise that some men see women as shiny trophies they can show off to their friends. The parameters of how beauty is defined are so narrow and supercritical they creates impossible expectations for women to meet.

Women Go After a Feeling

For women, often that expectation can be less about looks (although some women now demand the chiselled abs) and more about how that person makes them feel. A study done in the UK showed that women who watch romantic comedies where more disappointed in their relationships than women who didn’t. When they don’t get the butterflies the movies tell them to expect, they feel disappointed, like somehow they have missed out.

A Sign of Immaturity

The unrealistic expectations of men and women point to a certain immaturity, as people are not characters in a story or film. Yet beneath the immaturity there is also a genuine fear of intimacy. In the same way some people seem to always attract “unavailable” partners to avoid really getting close and letting someone in, so too these fantasies can prevent real connection coming into our lives.

Their Vulnerability is Our Vulnerability

Real connection can be enthralling, passionate and enlivening, but also conflicted, confusing and confronting. None us are without issues and fears and our ability to accept these in others comes down to our ability to accept these within ourselves. Often relationships trigger strong emotions within us. We see a person close to us feeling vulnerable and needy and we may freak out and recoil. We can’t handle their vulnerability because we can’t handle our own.

Your Expectations Should Be Grounded In Reality

Seeing your unrealistic expectations contributing to not meeting the right person is a really positive step forward. This doesn’t mean you have to settle for someone terrible. It just means that you have to have expectations that are grounded in reality—how people and relationships really are. The ability to love and be loved isn’t something we should postpone and avoid. Rather, it’s something to be embraced, celebrated and affirmed.

Psychic Archer ext. 6512

7 thoughts on “Do You Have Realistic Expectations When It Comes to Love?

  1. Rose06

    Thank u for your article. But, reality is and my experience is that I do have what I want in a life partner and I will not settle for
    less. All I have been running into are men who want no responsibility and can’t offer anything. They still rent rooms instead of having something to show in life and only want a meal ticket and cannot trust. All I want is a life partner that has a stable job,
    and wants a future with me and respect and doesn’t betray me. I just don’t want to take the chance of starting again and getting disappointed every time and hurt, I am just so tired of the game. I know that god knows how the times are and wants me to concentrate on myself and take care of myself and not suffer.

  2. Denise Jones

    So true..I recently met a man online who I thought was perfect for me, we talked everyday for 4 months via Face time and Skype. When he came back to the states, and we met, he was upset because I was a size 10 instead of a size 2. I couldn’t believe how shallow he was. He was overweight which made the situation even crazier.

  3. Chrissi

    After I lost Bahadur I wanted to meet and marry someone exactly like him, messed up a lot of relationships and opened myself up to a lot of pain because I’d mistake lust for love and was used both for money and sex, though I never realized any of it at the time it was only after I was told he had died, I even realized I’d been hoping, even though both of us were married, his being arranged and mine a second attempt that might happen and we’d get back together again, to the extent that somehow I even ‘see’ him in my son, yet he isn’t, nor could he have been his father fortunately my husband doesn’t know

  4. Jane Huggins

    What One line is my life going to be in the future
    Jane Huggins 3/26/60
    I want true love is that good to happen
    My son be slower to me
    I’m I going to meet my granddaughter

    1. dmarantzdmarantz moderator

      Jane, our psychics don’t do readings in the public space of the comment board. They value your privacy. Please call for a reading.

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