Cheaters Say Marriage Ruins Sex

A recent independent British poll (conducted by the extramarital dating site lovinglinks.co.uk—yes, that’s right, a dating site for cheaters), claims that marriage ruins sex. It would seem from the results of this poll that cheaters on average have a very gloomy outlook on sex with the same partner over the long term.

Out of the 3,000 participants in this study, sixty percent claimed that it was the institution of marriage which destroyed their sex life in the first place. How? Boredom. Eighty percent claimed that sex was primarily driven by a predictable schedule that involved the same place, same time, and the same old cheap moves (positions). Those very 2,400 folks were also likely to be the same eighty percent who claim that they are usually too tired for sex and that they’d rather get a few minutes’ extra sleep than enjoy another mundane roll in the hay.

One of the main problems in these relationships, according to participants, is that nearly fifty percent believed their partner had let themselves go, and now they’d become friends more than lovers. Sixty percent blamed themselves, stating that they were too busy, and that they no longer made an effort when it came to sex with their spouse. A total of thirty-three percent admitted that they had no physical attraction to their current spouse whatsoever, yet they continued to play the role as if they were (minus the sex, of course).

So what did these disappointed Romeo and Juliets do with all their spare time? Fourteen percent had been involved in full-time, long-term affairs, while twenty-five percent had engaged in at least one casual one night stand purely to satisfy their need to have sex with somebody (anybody). These percentages are not too surprising considering that these folks were snooping around an extramarital affair dating website, but it does offer a glimpse into the thought patterns of the cheater.

What were their experiences with their extramarital affairs? Two thirds of the quarter who admitted to messing around said that the sex was amazing. Despite that, nearly three-quarters believed that things could be turned around in the sex department if only their partner made more of an effort. So let’s get this straight. We have well over fifty percent openly admitting to withholding from sex for reasons varying from being too busy to having a lack of interest, yet three quarters believe it is up to their partner to improve things.

Now let’s talk about those hearty three-quarters who have not cheated (“yet” being the appropriate word here). We know that approximately half were dissatisfied with their sex lives, and one-fifth said that they would be more than willing to cheat if things didn’t turn around soon. Gauging their partners unhappiness by their own, one-fifth of these faithful participants also said that they would “understand” if their spouse was currently cheating on them, and that they would probably do the same if the opportunity arose.

The big question is: What good can we take from these bleak numbers? Is marriage the sex killer that these prone cheaters seem to think it is? No, actually, it is not. The sad thing that we see here, is that the mentality of the cheater seems to give up pretty easily at the first sign of trouble. Perhaps their partner has put on a few pounds, or their lives have become a bit more hectic and stressful, but instead of making an effort to fix things, they simply throw in the towel, and put the responsibility of making things better on their partner.

Assuming both partners have similar attitudes, we can presume the chance of reconciliation is pretty low, and the chance of an eventual affair is pretty high. The moral of this poll is probably to stay away from anyone who hangs around on these websites, but, even more importantly, not to allow life to get in the way of continuously reviving you and your partner’s intimacy and romance.

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12 thoughts on “Cheaters Say Marriage Ruins Sex

  1. ChristyAnn Wolfe

    Shallow and simple-minded people=Cheaters. What ever happened to love??
    Relations is not everything. Making love to someone should be a pleasure and not a boredom. Married for years but the sex is no good so let’s file for divorce? Come on! There are many pleasures in life and sex may be one but it’s not the only one! One should be content and happy with just holding that person that they love. In the arms of their lover to fall asleep and be able to wake up to the whispers of there breathe next to you. Life is what you make it. Life is made shallow and un-pleasant by people out there who expect to live to just BANG BANG BANG! Sick N’ nasty. Love making no longer has the respect or thrill that it deserves. U are getting older! Have respect for your body! Just because of sex you could have given up the one person in life that may have ever truly cared for you. Don’t be self centered and shallow. Look at the small things in life that make’s it worth living…Not just Sex. It’s the passion, the Love! Don’t loose touch and if you have then rekindle the old flame. Just remember that we’re not sex toys God made to just screw. Love making should be more than a passing, fleeting pleasure.

    Reply
  2. regincali

    Kelly, it’s easy to scream man up when its someone else’s relationship. I was the only one who wanted to face the problems in my past relationship for 13 years. My ex didn’t want to try and improve our sex life and there were many a night where I could have phoned in sex because she wanted the same things in the same order and when she had her fill, would give me a half hearted bit of attention. There were nights where I just did for her, rolled over and went to sleep. How do you tell someone they need to revamp their love making? I tried telling her directly. Open discussions, buy her toys/different ways to stimulate. Asking her what we can do to help her along. Buy her Cosmo at her suggestion because they offered hundreds of different tips. Internet sites. You name it, I tried it. After about 13 years I was done. I filed for divorce because I didn’t want to commit adultery and wouldn’t you know it. two months after the ink was dry on the papers I found myself with a woman who was uninhibited and a complete panther in bed. I never looked back.

    My point is, If you’ve put in the time, there comes a point where you need to cut losses and be done. It’s not a place most people who get there take lightly and they need your understanding of them more than your judgment on them. I’m just saying…

    Reply
  3. cubanista

    “Boredom Is” as “Boredom Does”! Marriage-is NOT,the ultimate reason/ cause for CHEATING/Boredom in the Bedroom! Just knowing that,being MARRIED, alone, offers SECURITY/CHEER PLEASURE/CONFIDENCE OF SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITHIN;NOT FEARING ANY REJECTIONS OF SUCH- Allowing/Remembering- First Initial Sexual Encounters/Sparks, brought forth, from such, is an REASON/Admiration in KEEPING IT ALIVE! Yes, we ALL, undergo, STRESS, from our daily committments, of maintaining an BALANCED, choice of LIFESTYLE, THEREIN; but, THAT,(stress) does not, give us/nor does it make it, an avenue for us to rely on, AS an escape to doing wrong/justifing the actions(CHEATING), AS AN RESULT OF OUR CHEATING! WE CHEAT/DISHONOR OUR PLEDGE-TO BE LOYAL-In mine toughts:Because, we where never, LOYAL(Unconditonally-from the start)to the commitment we Made! On that note: LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL/RESPECTFULL/HONEST! IF ONE CHEATS-THEY ARE TRUE TO THEIR UNCONDITIONA/DISRESPECTFUL/DISHONEST ATTRIBUTES-INWHICH, IT WAS AN FACT KNOWN TRAIT OF ONESELF, PRIOR TO THEIR COMMITTMENTS OF MARRIAGE! IF YOU LOVE, UNCONDITIONALLY- THE DESIRE OF KEEPING YOUR BEDROOM( ACTIVITIES), LUMINATED-WILL NOT RESULT IN AN “BOREDOM” STATE OF BEING! STOP FOOLING YOURSELFS/BELIEVING THE “MYTHS”- THAT- AFTER MARRIAGE-THE SEX DRIVE/DIES! IT ONLY DIES-IF YOUR “lOVING FEELINGS” DIES/YOU FORGET/BECOME TOO COMFORTABLE-WITH THE ACTIONS,PERFORMED/INITIATED BY YOU, THAT LANDED YOUR MAN/WOMAN-IN BECOMING AN SIGNIFICANT PART OF YOUR LIFE/ AND THE FACT THAT, THERE’S NO FURTHER ACTION NEEDED FROM YOU, IN KEEPING, SUCH EFFORTS, AN UNENDING REALITY OF RENDERED EFFORTS, FOR SUCH CAUSE. STOP IT! THE GRASS IS NEVER GREENER, ON THE OTHER SIDE! ALSO, A NEW BROOM, MAY SWEEP BETTER, BUT THE OLD ONE, KNOWS THE CORNERS!

    Reply
  4. daniellegabrielle

    Another reason to never fall in love or ever get attached or married. Once a cheater always a cheater. I dont cheat and I do not get near someone even remotely with another person be it separated or “just friends” or the old line “Im not married just my wife. wanna play?” As a single female I am approached several times a day increase that by 10 fold when chatting innocently online……..If you think your not being cheated on your very very naive….It lasts for a about the first year of marriage and is downhill from there. trust me……….Im the one of the ones they go to ………sad but very very true…….

    Reply
  5. Kelly Porter

    People cheat 4 a # of reasons.But it all ways comes back to the same thing.SELFISHNESS.If your going 2 cheat don’t get married.If U want 2 cheat on your spouse,get a divorce.Or better yet man up,& fix the problems.

    Reply
  6. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi,

    Thought provoking article……I agree especially with the last sentence of this article : “”””” but, even more importantly, not to allow life to get in the way of continuously reviving you and your partner’s intimacy and romance.”””””” ( maybe that last line should be written into the marriage vows.)

    It’s a shame, though, that spouses allow life to get in the way of the marital vows that they took.Especially with all of the counseling services and resources at hand that couples should be taking advantage of.
    I say this because usually it is the children that suffer. My, how times have changed!!!!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  7. tannyannie

    Our society today, is so out of control when it comes to cheating. Not all women can look their best 24/7 and not ALL men LOOK their best 24/7. Marriage is built on trust, respect and the ability to communicate. Gee, how simple is that? Marriage takes work on each partners part, and if one is not willing to work at it and throw in the towel, well, my question is, why did they get married in the first place?

    Marriage is not the SEX KILLER, and I agree 100% with the author of this article. Thank you for taking the time to research and write about your findings….

    Reply
  8. Charlene Russ

    That’s not necessarily true. Sex in affairs can sometimes be terrible particularly if its an emotion affair where either the husband or wife has been emotionally inattentive to their partner. This is sometimes something that men say to justify cheating behaviors or to avoid the commitment of marriage.

    Reply
  9. happyronnie

    I am a man who married young, the usual procedure physical attraction, then physical fulfillment, but knew nothing about my partners’ inner self. I ended up playing around in a the 21 year marriage, There were off-course many reasons why, all in my head, but the reasons given in this survey were shallow and had direct responses which look like they were predicted outcomes.
    Since I left that marriage I have not continued doing the same with my partners… With the survey; on one side of this I believe a one sided account, I can see the reasons clearly being quite reasonable accepted and expressed in this form, it does in my opinion represent a form of escapism from the dull life which they have created between the two people concerned. We know most married couples do not work at their relationship, and I include my 21 year relationship within this statement.. As I have said there are many reasons for these thoughts, and actions. And although they have created this life for themselves, each will blame the other and this thought and action becomes a belief on top of other beliefs it’s the other.
    At work we work harder at the relationships with others within our team, as we need them to achieve an end result, now why can we not do that within our relationship of marriage, do we not have an end result, an outcome. I can give you lots of reasons why, but if you read this and still in a marriage. Then I ask you sit down on your own, think deeply about your relationship with your wife/husband on the whole, where you the only one who put the efforts or was it the partner, but you just didn’t see it. If you cannot find any reasons, then you are not thinking clearly, and now you ask yourself why, then try to think the same but put yourself in the other partners’ perspective of you.
    You must be very honest with yourself in-order to find the answer, when you are you will be able to turn around the emotion you are feeling within you to more positive emotions that have been there all the time, you just didn’t listen to them…

    Reply
  10. strangebrew

    Oh i definately agree with this article, sadly. I dont actually feel marriage and sex are all together compatible! We probably meet, marry, produce children then realise we are no longer physically good together. I agree that honesty is the best policy, but i also agree that a non existent or dull love life is the pits. If you want to have a lover, have one, but always be out with it. If that means the marriage ending, then at least you have been noble about it.

    These days i prefer the lover thing to the marriage “institution”…never did like being locked up :)))

    x

    Reply
  11. virlibsco61

    OMG! Finally, someone has hit the nail right on the head. The truth couldn’t be anymore clearer, and he says it all. I agree with Verbena this article is a keeper and I look forward to what he comes up with next.

    Reply
  12. Teresita Gomez

    LOVE AFFAIRS HAPPEN AND SOMETIMES THEY ARE GREAT AND OTHER TIMES THERE NOT AND U THINK TO YOU SELF WHAT DID I GET IN TO AND ITS WHEN THE PERSON TAKES HIS OR HER PROBLEMS OF THEIR MARRIAGE INTO THEIR AFFAIRS THATS WERE IT SUCKS. So in other words if you are going to do that you should just fix you problem in your maggiage and tell them the truth. THE WAY YOU THINK NO MATTER WHAT.

    Reply

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