Caught in a Fake Romance

Learn to tell the difference between a fake romance and a real relationship. Finding love online, at the office or through a regular hookup might be a problem.

Learn to Know What’s Real

Are you looking for love, but in all the wrong places? Well, if you have romantic feelings for an online boyfriend you’ve never met, a friendly coworker or sex buddy, you are. I’m not telling you to ditch these relationships, but I am going to try to help you recognize them for what they really are. Then I am going to give you some advice on how to deal with them if you still want them. It’s time for a romance reality check!

The Online Relationship

Two years ago he messaged you on Facebook. He is unbelievably hot. In fact, he is a model and a singer. You chat for hours every day. You talk about your lives, your families and your friends. Your idea of a perfect day is spending it in your pajamas in front of your computer talking to him. A few months in, things get a little sexy. Then he tells you he loves you. But when you ask to exchange numbers, he says he doesn’t have a phone. And when you ask to video chat, he says his computer doesn’t have a webcam. You suggest meeting up, but he says he lives across the country and can’t afford the plane ticket. Aren’t you the least bit suspicious? Get personalized advice from a psychic!

This isn’t a real relationship. In fact, you are most likely being lied to. Most people in these situations are being lied to. I am a huge fan of Catfish: The TV Show on MTV. Anyone in an online relationship should watch it. The show was created by a guy who was duped by an online love. Now, he travels all over the country and facilitates meetings between people and their online loves. I have watched every episode and no one is ever who they say they are. Their profile pictures are of other, more attractive people. They lie about being single. They lie about not having a phone or a webcam. They lie about their age and gender. So, that sexy man you’ve been talking to for months (or even years) could be a 13-year-old boy. He could be a sleazy neighbor. He could be a random person who is bored and feels like playing a mean trick on someone. He could be a jealous coworker or classmate. Is he the real deal, or is he just playing games with your heart? Psychic Fiona ext. 5178 has the answer!

I won’t tell you to stop meeting people online. But there are a few things your can do to protect your heart. Copy his pictures and place them into Google images. If they exist anywhere else on the Internet, there’s a good chance they will show up in the image search. You can see if he has other fake profiles. Also, if he makes excuses about not texting or calling or not video chatting, something is definitely up. He doesn’t want you to see him and he doesn’t want you to hear his voice. If he is lying, confront him. Why not join an online dating site instead? Increase your chances of going out on a real date with a person who has a face and a voice that you can see and hear.

The Office Husband Relationship

It started on your first day at work. You were both at the copier at the same time. You made a joke about toner and he laughed. You start exchanging gossipy IMs. You save seats for each other at meetings. He gets you a coffee almost every morning and sometimes you bake him cookies. Between the hours of 9 and 5, you are joined at the hip and everyone else at the office notices. If he is out sick, people ask you if he is okay. Will it ever lead to something more?

He is your friend, and probably not your future lover. He may be your go-to guy at the office, but you don’t know what he does when he is off the clock and he never invites you along to do it. He could be going on dates with women he’s actually sexually attracted to. So what if he opens the door for you or brings you treats. That’s just being chivalrous and friendly. Just because he is being nice to you doesn’t mean he wants to get into your pants. Does every guy who is nice to you want to get into your pants? Does someone you know have romantic feelings for you? Maryanne ext. 9146 knows who they are and when they will share their feelings.

If you can train yourself to not pine for romance or fantasize about a relationship with him, continue to enjoy it. But, recognize it for what it really is—a friendship. Men and women can be friends. Don’t look for something that isn’t there and don’t embarrass yourself by professing your love. Even if your office husband had romantic feelings for you too, you’d both be risking a lot by dating each other, including your jobs and your friendship. Pursue romance elsewhere.

The Regular Hookup

He’s the guy you met at a bar or at a friend’s party. There was an instant attraction and you hooked up the very same night. The next day, you exchanged numbers. You call each other for more hookups as the weeks go by. This is sex without love or romance, which can be great, if that’s what you’re looking for. It’s sex between relationships or sex for people who don’t want a relationship. It’s something to do when you’re bored. It’s reliable and it can be regular, and it’s romantically emotionless.

It isn’t a prelude to a loving relationship. You’ve given everything away already. There is no mystery to you. You know the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” We’ll you’ve been giving it away for free, so why try to change things up and act like girlfriend material all of a sudden? Your sex buddy isn’t waiting for you to make the first move. He’s pretty happy with your arrangement. However, he may be the one to change it up when he meets someone he wants to have a relationship with and then you’ll be kicked to the curb. But if they break up, you may be hearing from him again.

If you don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with someone and you’re just looking for a reliable sex partner, then by all means, stick to this arrangement. Don’t let yourself develop romantic feelings for this person and don’t try to turn it into a romantic relationship. If you want a romantic relationship, start fresh with someone new. Get to know them and build an emotional connection. Don’t let sex become the focal point of your relationship. Rather, make it something that enhances the closeness and emotional intimacy you already share.

“Always remember love is an emotion and sex is a physical act. Yes, you can have sex with or without love, and yes, you can have love with or without sex. For some, this concept is hard to embrace and the lines can become blurred.” – Psychic Deejay ext. 5435

It’s important to have many different types of relationships. It’s also important to experience different types of love. But you need to be able to recognize when the love (or the potential for love) is real. I don’t want you to waste your time hoping and wishing. I want you to use your time wisely and make an effort to get real, romantic love, because you deserve real love.

47 thoughts on “Caught in a Fake Romance

  1. NATURAL WITCH

    woww… i can relate..all what ive read above..its true many kinds of level u called love/ relationship..interesting!!! but most probably i like more sex in relationship ahahah but now i do have one online bf… i feel different w/ him i dont want to involved sex w/ our relationship coz i dont want him to lose…….. i want him forever stay as both special thts why i dont put sex yet in our relation for now… want it to enjoy chatting different story in life! thnx very

    Reply
  2. prema

    I met someone online 6 yrs back nd get attracted too but i made the respone 2 yrs back that its hv become impossible to forget him,he never did any harm to me ,onli given courage to follow my heart nd be real,whats ur advice about the relatioship

    Reply
  3. Catherine

    Reply to Ashley.
    Don’t give him time. You seems to be a very sweet and wife material woman. Just leave him. He doesn’t deserve you. You maybe inlove but you will be waking up soon. Keep your self busy with friends so you can get rid of him in your mind. Some guy out there definetely deserves your love.

    Reply
  4. Millie

    I am 64, met this nice gentleman 56, he is a cook but attending college to get his Chef degree. We talk everyday, he sends pictures of his dishes and tells me about his classes. Honestly, because of the difference, I do not consider marriage in the future. We have not met yet but plan to soon. At present, his mom lives with him and talks about her a lot also and how he sees that she gets her meals on time and to her appointments. He said there’s nothing like giving back what you once received. I wouldn’t want him to have to take care of two old ladies. I look much younger than 64, basically in my fifties with a nice shape. I exercise and strive to eat right. He looks his age and he has also told me about a serious health issue he has and I him about a stomach problem that I have and allergies so he laughted it off & said we would make a great couple. I am taking it easy and slow cause I want everything to be laid out on the table before we agree to a committed relationship. I want to live as peaceful as possible my last days. Am I taking the right approach at my age??

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  5. Rose

    Online affairs are basically entertainment incognito . If its anything more you won’t wait long to know the truth . Stay skeptical . Never give money never . Even if they say they are an American contractor in Africa and are a single dad who just lost his credit card. Lmao. People can call you can have u call them it’s cheaper for the scam artist. They can send you emails of contracts even google a company and create there own contract. Send you pics of their family. Which is probably from another poor soul they scammed . The more pics the better for them. You don’t know if its male or female. Just be a intelligent person. Too good to be true most of the time.good luck.

    Reply
  6. Chloe

    Not sure how I feel about this article. In general they might be good rules but there are always exceptions. I have a best friend you met her BF on the internet. They lived on different continents and dated via internet for quite awhile. However now they live together and are very happy! Also, when I met my man we were just sex buddies. But after spending lots of time together we realized how well we clicked and it became much more. We now live together and are very happy. So sometimes I think you just have to really analyze your feelings and find the truth out about theirs to decide whether the relationship is “real” or not. Honest conversations are the key here!!

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  7. gemini

    I came accross a guy who I dated for 4 mths. I thought he was it and he said the same of me. The only thing is later I learned that he did not clean up his issues before he romanced me. This has happened to me quite a bit. I wish men would stop playing mind games.

    Reply
  8. Adrianne

    Dear Dania,

    Thankyou for enlightening me with your caring wisdom. I wish I had a mother who would have told me more about men and their attitude to sex and relationships. Over the years it could have prevented alot of heartache. Now I know what to say to my 12 year old daughter in the future and also to my older son who has been used as a sex object alot by women so I suppose that this effect can also happen to men. I almost get the feeling that this article was especially written for me and especially love the last line. Please publish more articles soon. Thanks so much for brightening up my day – you are a sweetheart!

    Reply
  9. Anna

    Sooooo……. there is a guy, I really really like him. but one night we sort of hooked up, watching a movie and lost ourselves…. afterward he acted like it was no big deal. hell text me when hes horny and when hes got nothing better to do. But I want a real relationship, did we ruin it?

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  10. Kim

    I also met my husband online. We chatted for 5 months before meeting in person. We dated for two years fairly long distance. We have been happily married for 10 years. However the author of this article isn’t saying love can’t start online she is saying that someone refusing to to let the relationship progress past the internet is not looking for a real relationship. If you are happy to enjoy someones company online and you are not wanting anything physical or tangible enjoy but if you are looking for a life partner and someone you can touch you might want to look for someone else.

    Reply
  11. Denise

    How do you know if a guy is for real tho, he
    told me he loved me, met his family and yes
    have even been to church with him. Talked about a future together. He still played me tho.

    Reply
  12. Denise

    Men are pigs. I had this younger separated guy pursue me
    Even tho I knew better. He has really played me.
    I fell for him. I gave him a phone to use, he’s
    been using it alright to call his wife they
    have been apart for about 8 months, he had
    the nerve to lie about it, like I don’t
    get a bill and see the numbers. LOL

    Reply
  13. SERENA

    Wow, if the first thing they ask is,”How’s your love life” red flag..just fed up letting go of an on/off again something not right guy I met 2 years ago on line. Finally reconnected, usual call,s text, etc..then his talk turns totally sexual I’m pretty intuitive, asked if he was taking Viagara. Stay away, it’s like a drug that numbs the brain, any emotional feeling, and you can be anyone..they just want. Sex, with anyone. They could be reading a newspaper, it’s unemotional….
    Picked up on it, ran as fast as I could, warning, if it feels too good to be true,”It’s probably the libido screaming “.

    Reply
  14. Debbie G.

    Who do you people think you are??? You have no right to judge someone else’s online romance. I know several people who meet online and their relationships are beautiful and very loving, plus they have lasted longer than a lot of marriages were the parties knew each other. You set yourselves up as judges and juries of other peoples lives. Not a very good position to be in. I used to like to read your articles but this one is way over the top for me.

    Reply
  15. CHUCK

    OK GOT ONE FOR YOU. LIKE ALL OF US LOOKING FOR LOVE I KNOW I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM CATCHING THE EYES OF FEMALES ON LINE AND MY PICTURES ARE REAL YET WHEN AND HOW DO I TELL THEM THAT IM A TRANSGENDER FOR AT THE AGE NOW OF 55 AND THE CHANGE WAS DONE AT THE AGE OF 18 YOU WOULD THINK I GOT IT DOWN YET STILL COULD USE SOME FEED BACK THANKS

    Reply
  16. terri

    I met my love online…I thought he was too good to be true, but he was true. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. We are very happy together right now.

    Reply
  17. Randy

    I so agre with ababe so to look at as just sex is so stupid. If you realy ove someone sex ix useually the formost thing on a guy mine its like you can’t get enough. Then the worst thing possible happens they don’t feel,care, or share your feelings and sometimes it sneaks up on you. So I think I’ll stay safe and single a guy or a girl that has been played never gets that hurt out of there sytem. I, being a guy thinks there should be away to talk after someone has hurt you but this don’t happen its like better thee than me.

    Reply
  18. Elizabeth

    Comment re; Red’s Advice, will most definitely follow up!! Many thanks for a sincere, honest, highly regarded ,answer to my question. I look forward to my next reading from one of California Psychics!!
    Warmest Regards~

    Reply
  19. Stac1

    I was totally caught up in a client/professional trist with my husband in the middle. Not only was it wrong but I knew it was from the beginning. I now am left thinking all the time of something I can’t have. I respect this man but I want to have a relationship, the only time the wanderlust leaves is when I think I only want something I can’t have. I really hope no one else ever has to suffer through this I love my husband and he is everything I guess I’ll have to keep that in mind when I roam.

    Reply
  20. mike

    I have several request from the Country of Ghana from women there requesting Money Gifts,plane tickets to the USA. The women pretend to live in New York, Chicago L.a,[ on various dating sights),but then say they are in Ghana working for “world relief” stay with sick grandma or relative.Many of the dating sight are warning about any corespondence with anyone from Ghana. I also have recieved several calls from males in Ghana,saying i won a lottery i never entered,just send 200 dollars transfer fees western union ofcourse.Allot of deception on-line for sure.

    Reply
  21. Reed x 5105Reed x 5105

    Good article and good advice Dania.
    We should be very careful about where we invest our energy and be sure that the person in whom we invest it is worthy of it.

    Reed x5105

    Reply
  22. George

    Dear Fiona,

    I am so happy with your advice. I have been betrayed so often now and it has cost me too much money. But I don’t know which sites can be trusted and which can’t. Could you advise me on this?
    Thanks a lot,

    George

    Reply
  23. Ashley

    I met a guy online. We have been dating for two mths and things where great up until three weeks ago. We saw each other every weekend talked and texted every day.He even called me his girlfriend. Then one day out of the blue i noticed he had become distant and kind of giving me the cold shoulder. It took me a few days to get the courage up to ask what was wrong. He said he didn’t love me. I was shocked and i said after two mths of dating i never expected you to love me and if you did then i would think something was up. He said he wanted to date casually and see other people. I told him i could date him casually because i liked him to much. Then i leave and i meet with a friend to talk. I texted my friend only i texted the wrong person. So my guy calls me and is like what? I said i can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later. Few minutes later i get a text and he says replacing me already? I said no and i don’t want to even though you want to replace me and my side of the bed isn’t even cold yet. So i get to the beach and he calls me back. I get out and talk for a bit. Then he has to take a shower. Well come to find out he had a date that night. I was pissed. I left him a few nasty text messages. Then at 6 am he texts me and says come over. I say what for he says to see me. So i get up go over and yes one thing leads to another and we have sex. I spend the day and night with him. On my way to work Monday i say to him am i still your honey and he says yes. So the next few weeks go by as usual, He goes to the valley to see his son. I don’t hear from him at all. Then i spend all last week at his house. Cooking,cleaning and doing laundry for him. Come friday night i’m suppose to go over and i show up and he isn’t home so i wait. I called him like 5 times, he finally calls me back and i answer i’m like i’m here he was upset because i didn’t call,but i did. So he gets home. We talk for a few his phone rings and he goes in the bathroom well i listen and i hear him say yea i know,but what do you want me to do? Then he comes out of the bathroom and i say hey what’s going on? I say you had a date tonight you lied to me. So to make a long story short. I tell him i know you still have feelings for me because you can’t like someone a lot one day then nothing the next. I tell him how i feel and i how i see things. He says he needs time and space to think. Well how much time do i give him?

    Reply
  24. Kathy Geer

    I love your unselfish good guidance for the people who will listen to the help you have given for the help they truly need…this is sound doctrin and I am all for helping people find the balance in their relationships….thank you for your article. Kathy 🙂

    Reply
  25. Brenda

    This is a good article. It’s right on time as I am interested in a guy whom I met from an online dating site. We’ve had one meeting, and have agreed to meet again.

    In a class I am taking the instructor spoke about archetypes and psychologically, we are all working on the archetype of love (On mastering love) if we could do that….well, the world would be so much better.

    Very good article. Bravo!

    Reply
  26. Elena

    Great article. Thank you, Fiona.

    Dishonest men use emotional and mental connections with women’s heart and minds to mess up women’s minds and take advantage of them emotionaly. They get women all confused about what is going on in “relationships” and your article is very helpful to clarify that.

    Reply
  27. Gayle Martin

    Interesting article. Reminds me of a time, back before the Internet, when I joined a pen-pal club for single people. I started corresponding with a man in England who wrote the most wonderful letters. I let my imagination run wild and for a time thought maybe I’d found Mr. Right.

    A few months later he came to visit the U.S., and we arranged to meet at a restaurant. I walk in, expecting to meet this handsome, dashing man who would sweep me off my feet. Instead I find a skinny, quiet, shy guy who looks like a nerd. Trying to get him to open up and talk was difficult. He was someone who communicated well with the written hand, but wasn’t exactly social in person.

    It was a laugh or cry moment, and I chose to laugh it off. The lesson here is if you’re looking for romance, you have to get to know people face-to-face.

    By the way, I continued corresponding with him, and about a year of so later he wrote to tell me he was engaged to marry someone in his home town in England. I wished him well and never heard from him again.

    Reply
  28. Elena

    I don’t believe in emotional connection as love. Love is an action. People use emotional (or physical, or mental, or spiritual) connections to control other people they have these connections with. Actions Actions, and Actions. Love is actions, loving actions that benefit the love’s one

    Reply
  29. Joshua

    I’m in that same situation sometimes I wonder whether I’m wasting my time with this person an when I try to leave(several times)I can’t find myself to leave because my emotions get in the way knowing that ima miss her if I do even if a phone relationship an allwe done is talk an never met up because she says “busy”alot I don’t know……

    Reply
  30. Maria

    I feel sorry for men and especially for women who equal woman’s mistery to sex and think that all you can receive from a woman is sex.

    Reply
  31. dawn kennedy

    I met a guy on line and we talked for 9 months We talked on the phone also. He was suppose to come meet me Christmas he never showed up and he never made anymore contact with me. He was a love scammer and it hurt me deeply.It was a sick and cruel game he played with me so now i just chalk it up as a lesson well learned Now i know the signs and what to look for but im not looking for love anymore..

    Reply
  32. preeja

    actually….i m in love………bt he not an online person……………….his n my family r very close..n v knw each other almost well

    Reply
  33. nabomita mazumdar

    Sorry, I wrote the Author’s name wrong. My apologies to Dania Marantz Kurtz. Congratulations for such a brilliant work !

    Reply
  34. nabomita mazumdar

    I love this ! Lots of hugs and kisses to you, Fiona for writing this. I am from India. Yet, your words stand a zillion percent true ! Angels hugs, Love and Light 🙂

    Reply
  35. Simone

    Hi Dania,

    I loved reading your article. You saved my day. Most of the women become subconsciously serious when a man treats her nicely or have sex with her. Well, women, it’s time to get smart and get going.Let’s know how to differentiate between a real love and a moment.

    Reply
  36. Angie

    I was wondering why did the guy in my online relationship let me down. After like seven ot eight months he told me he was seeing someone else. I just felt like I couldn’t trust and people told me not to get too serious that I might get hurt. And when will my soulmate finally come in to my life. It seems like I have been waiting for an eternity. I just really want a companion to share my life with and have kids. Could you help me it will be appreciated.

    Reply

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