Can You Still Love if You Detach?

Phillip received an interesting question from one of our customers:

Piya said:
Hi Philip, How very very strange …  I woke up this morning with one thought “Change something in your life and make it POSITIVE!” Not sure of the planets and where they are in my chart but my heart is in too much of pain just as you have written “Hearts ripped opened, now bleeding, they understand.” I understand that I need to do something —  otherwise I will not be able to continue. I know so well after reading a lot that I need to detach but that will mean I will have to stop feeling the love. Does it mean that in order to detach you need to stop loving?

What are your thoughts on this important question?

46 thoughts on “Can You Still Love if You Detach?

  1. tamarawemple

    im having a problem with my fiance i dont know what to do we get into fights and it breaks my heart to shreds and i just wish i knew what to do about it i have emailed a ton of people on this and they all tell me the same thing i should leave him but i dont whant to i love him more than ever in this world we are meant to be together and always will can you give me some tips on how to make my relationship work

  2. Jean Ann

    Wow, I have been reading so many replies to the first comment that they help somewhere. I myself am hurting from being the one detatching and am feeling very beastly about it. (My sugar daddy husband is not jobless and being bipolar and passive-tender by nature, I am trying to flee the responsability of being his mother once more. Somewhere the pain is sometimes muffled with a ‘what can you do, Jean’ ? I am able to console myself with the fact that I still go round to pick him at his place (100 kms away) and bring him home to see his kids, to accompany him to his Mum’s at the Old Folks’ Home, and allow him to come over for up to 10 days at a time….. Phew, I would like to release the guilt, pick up my life and give myself a real chance once more. In 15 months, I have not been able to have sex with another man. This is crazy. All I do is pile up on the guilt, and even though our sexual life does not seem to be over (duty-bound or need ?), I seem to torture myself with the idea that I should find another partner before the divorce comes through. It is hard, hard and I am the wicked one, abandonning him. I do still love him, even if it seems to be for all the wrong reasons. I guess I have to learn to take back my own power, like Philip says to Piya. Just get through this hard guilt complex first. Thank you for sharing your support to Piya. The effect is quite mandela-like. Billowing out to open up other avenues of expression and need. Bye for now. I hope I can pull through the divorce without feeling like a horrible woman.

  3. Tamra

    oh my God I am so sorry! I know the pain so well. I love someone and they don’t love me back. I am so deeply in love it makes me sick. My special person just kept me on the hook until her ex came back! I had no idea and it about killed me because the 8 months we were together I fell in love!

  4. kathy

    I agree with you phillip#9485, i am going through a similar situation and the advice you suggest makes the most sense and I
    THANK YOU. Even though you did not send it for me directly.

  5. Jo

    yeah but the guy i love does not love me back so i think i really dont know one thing i do know 4 sure is i do love him very much and can not be with him now…

  6. chila

    hi piya, my name is chila from Nigeria. i share your fellings. i might not be in the position to advice u cos am going thru the same emotional truma.i have loved so much several times but i get hurt at the end of the day. i just keep wondering whether its worth loving someone at all. i felt like staying away from people, from relationships. i was losing it.but i dont really thing u can get loved if u detach yourself. u need to open up before someone can love u. i know u are hurting, we are both hurting. maybe for now u need to take a break. but remember we all need love some time in our lives. i find consolation in God, cos God is love. give it time, i know u will get over it and u wont want to detach anymore.all the best my dear.

  7. tracibezdek

    The whole conversation you all have had. Is quite interesting. I to have similair fears or insights… But what are you going to do? Overcome your fear or let your fear overcome you. If you don”t overcome your fear you mad never love again…. Take one day at a time. Slowly let go…… Traci

  8. Teri Smiley

    Thankyou all for your comments of encouragement , I have found it to be difficult to find clarity in regards to my feelings for some one , yet i continue to want to believe in him although he does not come around much, I dont want to let go yet I no if I can ever find happiness with someone it is necassary.
    Smiley T.

  9. purple4u4eva

    Simply because of the nature of both men and women, the key to finding true and lasting love is simply putting Mr.Right first! God is love, and with out god there is no love, therefore, it is important to build a relationship with him first before trying to build a relationship with anyone else. You have to love him, and he will take care of you and your heart, and eventually you will find a man you can share this with. I know most of us forget to take this route but it’s never too late! Remember, this is a mans world but with out women men are incomplete, but that is only if he is a man of god! There was an Adam and Eve, your are the perfect rib for some mans side, but only god can bring you two together..and the 3 of you will be as strong as a rope, tied as one!

  10. Sayeed

    i have something interresting to share with you. I have a relation with a girl who used to be a prostitute. I met her in a hotel bar. She loves me and she is not entertaining men in their rooms now. She only dances with guys in the hotel disco and not getting enough money. Now she is asking for some money so that she can start a small buz.How do you think about that because finance is very much involved here? I am with her for about 6 months.

  11. MJ

    Very well spoken.
    Love does not need to stop…for it is one of our purposes in life to love one another. Detaching the physical for a length of time will eventually detach the mind. I love a man still, but we can’t be together, for whatever reason, his choice; therefore, we must learn to let go. When one can release the idea, truly release the idea…then, can we be free of the feelings and emotions of love. Learning to control the things we can and release those that we can’t, is the greatest lesson.

  12. elen

    when love involves finances…it is not love at all but taking advantage of the limerent one. that’s why it is always safe to keep some of yourself when you fall in love even so hard, so it wouldnt be difficult to get something to hold on when the inevitable falling out or practically leaving out happens. it may sound cynical but keeping your heald is still the safest thing to do when falling in love.

  13. Sabby

    Hi Neena C
    What a great advice ,its really made me feel good.
    Broken hearted is the most painfull but we got to live it it as tomes goes by it will heal . True love is to let it go ,no one know what is around the corner . He left me for some reason he only know,with the instruction od cruell woman ,both of us suffered of being apart. Only GOD and time will tell. If it your ,no matter what it will come back ,SO BELIEVED IN GOD AND BELIEVED IN TRUE LOVE.

  14. been there / am there

    I sympathize implicitly. Recently I had become enamoured with a beautiful, wonderful girl at work. By all indications the feeling was mutual. I had been attracted to her for years but only recently had we become friendly. I truly felt I had found one of those very “special one’s” that come along maybe once or just a few times in a lifetime. It all became ruined by the malicious interference of others, out of jealousy, spite, etc. Now I have to learn to let go of her and am finding it so very difficult.

  15. mom

    Oh, what an inspiring read i had . Im on the brink of detaching cuz what i want is important to me . I still dont know if the man im with is the right one , i have to know whether its worth the try with him but hoping it is , so thats why i say thank you for the inspiration . I have been self inducing stress in my life , cuz of my need to belong to someone , but realised i have to let go , in order to come back . Wiat for the high tide to ebb .God bles you all , thank you

  16. juliadiederich

    Ah yes, the broken heart. I have affiliated a broken heart to growing pains. Growing up is painful, and it hurts really bad. However, these are times when our inner strength kicks in and we can either become vulnerable and ready to accept any quick fix to our pain, or grow with it and put it in our “today’s lesson was” category. The choice is ours ultimately as to how we are going to either capitalize, or sink in our painful experience. Never stop loving, because loving is a strong feeling, and feelings are what keeps us alive.

  17. Faith

    Hi Pamela,
    I must thank you for your loving encouragement. My story is too long to go into right now but I was really wondering how to let go even thou I feel things for this person that I have longed for all my life. Getting together seem so hard although we are both single and yearn for each other.. Its a mystery ……

  18. nettie

    I belive love is something every one needs, but frist we need to learn to love our self,respect and trust our self. then we can be loved by outhers. nettie

  19. Neena C

    Hi, i don’t believe that one should stop loving even when they’re trying to become detached. becoming detached, in this perspective, means letting the person go and allowing yourself time to heal from the heartbreak. But don’t stop loving the person,true love is unconditional. Just let that love be and try to move on with God’s help. Heartbreak is really hurtful, i felt that once in my life and i cried almost everyday.But God inspired me to understand and let go.(LET GO AND LET GOD).NEVER STOP LOVING WHOMEVER, BUT LEARN TO SEE BRIGHTER DAYS ARE AHEAD.God Bless!

  20. vivienne

    My husband was dying from cancer. I had to detach myself,in order to do the necessary for him.I nursed him alone. It was in the act of love i had to detach. At the time i felt so guilty because i did.You close off the concious reactions to perform. I felt guilty for many years concerning this. Then i realised.Love remained my decision was totally because i loved him. If i didnt i would have left.So my answer would be you look on as the third person to protect yourself until you will be strong enough to face the pain.Reattaching is a problem. vivienne

  21. Audrey

    Learning to do nothing is especially important when there is nothing you can do> My husband is bipolar though I love him dearly living with his illness is sometimes very hard and I want to escape the relationship, but I cant he needs me and I need him that is what for better or worse is about.

  22. Pamela

    One should never stop loving, or feeling or giving…let love be.
    What is imperative, especially when you feel abandoned or ripped apart by lonliness or regret, is to stop demanding.
    Love is a good thing…giving is good.
    Quite often one’s pain stems from a need for power or possession, but Love takes the blame.
    Love should be freely given. If you do anything expecting something in return, it becomes devisive. Love is not devisive.
    Longing is painful, but there’s a better way to handle it than looking for pity and self destruction.
    Learn to forgive.
    Love yourself, let go of expectation, hate and anger…easier said than done I know – but, it’s the right thing to do. IMHO
    I struggle with these truths too, I think we all do.
    Stay strong, have faith, smile.
    I wish you well.

  23. 2fish

    Hello Fran,
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this. To say that it is timely for me, and holds great significance is quite an understatement! Your thoughts are brilliant and your words, eloquent. Please continue to share whatever comes to you that you happen to find of interest because I’m sure I’m not speaking only for myself when I say others of us here will surely benefit as well.
    Thank you again,

  24. 2fish

    Such an important question and such brilliant responses all.
    I agree completely that there is more power in simply BEING than in any act of DOING. It is the essential teaching of the Tao Te Ching which I’ve begun to realize is one of the wisest texts ever given to us. Of course my belief in that hasn’t stopped me from getting in my own way on several occasions as there is a qualitative difference in BELIEVING something and owning it completely–such that you LIVE that belief in each moment. I’m getting closer, though, every day, and for that I give thanks.
    I love Gina Rose’s analogy to flowing (downstream) with the current rather than trying to fight the current swimming upstream. The entities “Abraham” (as voiced by Esther Hicks) speak often of the benefit we would derive if we would just take our oars out of the water and simply allow the current to take us downstream. They point out that the greatest irony in our constant battles to haul ourselves upstream, is that everything we want is waiting for us DOWNSTREAM, and we don’t have to DO anything at all to get there except take our paddles out of the water and let the current carry us all the way down there to our desires. As I said, I believe this with all my heart…I just need to get more consistent at putting it into practice. Which, if you think about it, is pretty ironic in itself isn’t it? Having to TRY to DO NOTHING?? lol…Can that be right? Or is it really more a matter of trusting that I’ll eventually be able to put it into practice more consistently when I stop worrying about (and focusing on) the fact that I haven’t done so already?
    All of this is what I think is the essence of what the man with whom I’m in love really means when he speaks the words to me “less is more.” (Hence him telling me LESS of the words I want MORE to hear and ME calling CP to find out when he’s going to start! LOL)
    In any case, thank you, Phillip, for teeing up another brilliant question for us to discuss here. I know it’s a timely one for me, and I imagine just as relevant to many, many more of us here as well.

  25. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    Thank you Piya. I am always here for you. I am glad that you felt good about reading with me. There are many ways to always take your power back….It’s never too late. It can start right now,this very second.
    miss krystal

  26. Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Paige,
    Thank You…
    yeah….who needs stress in their life (?),especially self-induced stress…
    Better to bend with the wind…..
    New doors opening are a good thing….everything changes anyway….so better to embrace it with positive, joyful anticipation instead of negative, stagnant fear of change.
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  27. Paige

    Hi Gina Rose,
    You are spot on! This reminds me of what one of my favorite writers Ralph Waldo Emerson said—“Always take life by the smooth handle.” All of us will find our true destiny if we do our best and see what doors open.
    I enjoy your take on things, Gina Rose.
    —Paige ext. 9158

  28. Fran

    Phillip, I want to reach for the stars! And if I can share a laugh or two with dear friends while I’m “stretching” my arms upwards, then the more blessed I am.
    You have no idea how much your “friendship” means to me (although being the great psychic that you are…you MUST know!! LOL!!!)
    And Gina Rose, you DO empower me! Talking to you ALWAYS puts me in a wonderful state of mind, and THAT is a precious gift you have.
    Many hugs,

  29. Phillip# 9485

    Sweety, we all got Fran’s back, on the same page with her. See it changing before our eyes. The proverbial “POP”. The gift to us is we get to witness it. And what perfect timing, here we are right in the middle of the eclipse cycle. God is great.

  30. Phillip# 9485

    Fran, what brilliant entrys you have just posted. and remember Robert Browning’s “If man’s grasp did not exceed his reach, why heaven?” lol, I hope I did not mangle THAT quote too badly! You are precious Fran.

  31. Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Fran,
    I’ve always said that fear is a crippler. I believe in empowering my clients….so can realize their full potential….in every area of their life… as to fullfill their Karmic potential.
    Very good Fran…A+
    Blessed Be )O(…..Gina Rose ext.9500

  32. Fran

    Hey Phillip,
    I thought you would like this quote I read by Mark McGinnis —
    “Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not and to help us become more; and a sense of humor was given to us to console us for what we are right now.”

  33. Fran

    Hello everyone ~
    I read something interesting that I thought might be of interest to you. This is from Daily Astrology Outlook, and it’s with regard to the lunar eclipse (Sorry it’s so long):
    Over the next 2 weeks we will see things gently and easily falling away in order to CREATE SPACE SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE SOMETHING BETTER THERE: NO fear…
    That which is real will not only SURVIVE In your life it will NOW THRIVE: we are just at that part of gardening when we need to weed things out a bit.
    Common sense with imagination is my theme for this
    Eclipse. Dream the dream and then wait until you have the money in the bank to buy the new car… WE are urged now to see that sometimes we do need to eliminate to acquire…
    Eliminate fear to acquire confidence
    Eliminate sorrow to find happiness
    Eliminate worry to find peace
    Eliminate chaos to find sacred space
    Eliminate ?? what do you need to eliminate…the universe is trying today and over this next 2 weeks to assist you.

  34. Joyce #9598

    Hello Piya,
    For me it’s simply to realize that cutting off the love you have for anyone is not the answer.
    Cutting off your “agenda” about how the love turns out, is 🙂

  35. Psychic Jacqueline x9472

    Jacqueline x9472 said in reply to Gina Rose ext. 9500….
    Hey Gina Rose,
    Happy Eclipse!
    Yes indeed….. when I swim against the current It always goes up my nose…HEHEHE, it’s always so much better to stay on the good side of Karma….
    Jacqueline x9472

  36. Fran

    Must be from all those years in the food service industry…stirring the pot and all. 🙂
    ~Hugs (and thanks for the talk)

  37. Gina Rose ext.9500

    I agree Phillip…….which is why I’m always teaching students to ” be present in the moment”.
    Meditation does help facilitate this….yes?
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  38. Piya

    Philip, Jacqueline & Miss Krystal THANKS !!!! truly for the insight. In simple words each one of you has a given me something to understand.
    Philip, you are so right on the mark about giving away the power. Yes I did do that in TOTALITY and not once but twice. I need to learn how to take it back?
    Thanks again. You are all very awesome!!!

  39. Phillip# 9485

    Hi sweety, and isn’t it true, when we push to force the universe, the universe pushes back? The real power is in just being still. It is what it is. Being still in the moment is such a powerful statement to the universe. I think I stirred the pot a bit with this one, doncha think? My daughter taught me years ago that there was nothing to fix for her. She just wanted me to listen. Then I realized there was nothing for me to fix for me either. Stillness is healing. Mental noise energized by emotional energy. Blessings to you, Miss Krystal, Jacqueline and Piya and Fran.

  40. Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Jacqueline,
    You said a mouthfull !!!!!!!
    I agree…..TOTALLY…..Tis easier to swim downstream WITH the current…..than swim upstream AGAINST the current. I go with the Karmic flow of things….
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500
    Ok….have a bunch of things to do…enjoy the eclipse !
    Blessed Be )O(…gina Rose ext.9500

  41. Psychic Jacqueline x9472

    Psychic Jacqueline x9472 said….
    Hello Piya,
    One thing I have found is that once you trust, truly trust, that everything is in perfect order, know that you are on track, by this letting go, the real issue here, is for so long society has instealed that we need to take control of your life, well….the truth here is let go, still love but just sit back and watch, not doing anything, saying nothing, just trust, trust that it is going to turn out perfect, it always does….
    Psychic Jacqueline x9472

  42. Miss Krystal ext. 9192

    my grandparents, a libra and a aqua, were married for 72 years…..It has been over nine years since my grandfather passed away; however, I am still lucky to have my granny here. But not only am I lucky, she is still sharp as a nail. However, she is lonely a lot….She reflects on her wonderful marriage all of the time….
    I have learned so much from just listening…
    My grandmother and I figured out, that one of the reasons her marriage was so great, is because my grandfather, the aqua, had this ability to “detach” at the right time. Even while granny libra knew how to shake things up, once in a while…
    Well, it worked…He was a brilliant man. He knew the art of detachment…Yes, you will love if you detach…But use wisdom when to detach…
    Miss Krystal

  43. Phillip# 9485

    Dear Piya,
    It means that until you are truly loving yourself, you are certainly NOT loving anybody else. Give to yourself that love, and detach from your personal drama, then you are free to love or love freely, not from a position of NEED but from a position of strength. It is all about taking back your power, which YOU gave away. NOW take it back Piya. Your happiness hangs in the balance.


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