Is My Boyfriend Gay?

Some Obvious & Elusive Clues to Consider

When we consider the traits we seek in a boyfriend and potential husband, we typically do not list “heterosexual” because that is supposed to be a given. Unfortunately, in reality, there are not only many men who are afraid to come out of the closet, but also there are many males who are in denial about being gay and, thus, do not even know they are homosexual. No matter what the reason, you may be romantically involved with one of these men! It is important to uncover this truth sooner rather than later, before you waste each other’s time in a relationship that, ultimately, will go nowhere.

I have actually had several boyfriends whom I am pretty sure were gay but for very different reasons. One of my first boyfriends in my early 20’s was a very emotional person who would often make comments that typically would come from a woman, such as “I feel like you are not attracted to me anymore” and “I look so fat in this outfit.” It made me feel awkward to hear these types of statements, which often put me in the male role of assuring him that he was still “sexy and desirable” to me.

As our relationship went on, he became emotionally abusive to me, and I noticed his misogynist tendencies escalating. In retrospect, I think he was cruel to me because he was so bitter toward women for having to pretend to be attracted to females his whole life. A couple other signs were that his best friend since high school was a gay male, and that he always preferred anal sex over vaginal. In hindsight, I should have stepped back to see that all these clues most likely led to one conclusion. Hopefully, my experience will help you evaluate your own situation.

A boyfriend I had later on, in my late 20s, was the total opposite of that former “gay” boyfriend; he was a very manly man. However, he was always overly homophobic, as if trying to prove he could never possibly be gay. I have heard that overcompensating in this way is sometimes a protective mechanism against being “discovered” or “outed.” Saying negative things about gay people can sometimes be a person’s only safe way to talk about homosexuality. Another sign for me was that this particular boyfriend did not like to give me oral sex and would never initiate it. I am convinced he did not like facing a vagina! I have never had a man be so shy or distant around my lady parts. Given that he was so homophobic on the outside yet so afraid of a woman’s body in the bedroom, I should have realized sooner that his real issue could have been his secret homosexuality.

Here are some of the signs that your boyfriend may be gay; some are far more obvious than others.

“Love without sex is a spiritual connection.  Sex without love is either hell or a great time.” – Psychic Priscilla ext. 5637

Remember not all signs necessarily indicate your mate is gay, but it could be possible:

1. He dresses better than you and/or dresses you up very fashionably.
2. He prefers anal sex rather than vaginal intercourse.
3. He likes boyish girls (short hair, flat chest, tomboy style…).
4. He makes a lot of crude gay jokes.
5. He acts homophobic to give the false impression that he hates gay people.
6. He tells you about an abnormal amount of sexual experimentation with men.
7. He claims he is bisexual.
8. He likes to wear your clothes and/or high-heels.
9. He shaves a lot more than his beard.
10. He asks for an open relationship.
11. He makes comments abut his body that women typically make.
12. His best friend is gay or bisexual.
13. He likes to hang out at gay bars.
14. You never catch him checking out or flirting with other girls.
15. You do not turn him on easily.
16. He watches gay porn or porn with attractive men.
17. You have that gut feeling that his relationship with any woman wouldn’t work out.
18. He requests a “Devil’s Threesome” (a threesome with two men and one woman).
19. He gets regular manicures and pedicures with extra nail shining and plucks/shapes his eyebrows.
20. He has lots of female friends that he really connects with on a platonic level.

“Sex is an action of the body. Love is an action of the heart.” – Psychic Quinn ext. 5484

Both of my ex-boyfriends whom I suspected were gay are still single to this day. I honestly do not think they will ever have a healthy relationship until they have one with a man. But first, they must admit to themselves that they are gay. The only thing you can do is not enable an unhealthy relationship by staying with a man whom you feel is gay. Even if he is not gay, you are probably suspecting some kind of deal-breaking disconnect.

If you are unsure about your partner’s sexual orientation due to any of the clues above or your own gut feeling, you should call a psychic to get more insight. In the comments below, feel free to add your own clues to look for when determining if your boyfriend is gay…

Understand how to communicate with your partner with relationship tips from Psychic Shelby ext. 5697!

36 thoughts on “Is My Boyfriend Gay?

  1. Christine

    Poor guys! They’ve been overly judged by this article. Men have different behaviors and preferences that we women have to respect and so if they have some female characteristics, we have to accept them as they are. And sometimes, it’s cool too! I have a guy friend who keeps joking around that he’s gay and had once done his girlfriend’s eye makeup for graduation but I am not taking it against him nor suspect him to be really a gay. And the offensive among the list is when a man’s best friend is a gay. I mean, what’s wrong with that? Our friends’ sexuality will never determine who our sexuality because it’s something you yourself can only determine. And if you have found your boyfriend to be gay, then walk away from the relationship without saying inappropriate things against them because firstly, it isn’t their fault that they’re gay.

    Reply
  2. Tiff

    My ex boyfriend sai he was bisexual and used to be a swinger with his ex girlfriend. He told me once that he out an ad on Craigs list for a man. He went to this mans house and had sex with him after he answered his ad…does that sound liek someone who is bi-sexual or gay? He shaved his whole body everyday too and worked out at the gym 5-6 days a week. He once asked me if he had the best body of any man I have ever dated…he was very proud of his body, however he was facinated with large penis’ on other men and frequently asked me about the penis sizes of my exes. He was very selfconcious of his smaller than average penis and was drawn to men with large penis’. Do you think it’s possible for a man to be bi-sexual or is that just a font for being gay?

    Reply
  3. sb

    I completely agree with Gina Rose – To label someones behaviour will never work, as is detaches from the real person and theire individuality.
    what is happening here? Where are the real insides in human behaviour like we were used to read from Red, Liam, Carmen etc. – I hope its just off season

    Reply
  4. Spencer

    These “signs” are all pointless. My best friend is gay. That doesn’t mean I am gay. They all sound like signs that your boyfriend is transgender and would like to be a girl.

    Reply
  5. Wnnie

    Yet another BIG reason to take your time before having sex. One or two of the signs listed could be harmless, but why chance the heartache and emotional wreckage. No matter how much a man chases, flatters or pretends to desire you- if something doesn’t feel right, slow down, watch for other signs and take mental notes. If you have ever been with a straight man who truly desired you, thank him! You now have a good sense of real or fake interest.
    Partial list of red flags I noticed with my Gay Suitor: He worked in prison system (loved watching OZ); seemed to want to “show off” women in front of his Condo neighbors, being much less attentive in private. He pointed out good looking guys for me (US) to check out. He lived luxuriously above his means – his apt. looked like a rich Old Queen Decorated it. I suspect he was being kept by same; He was a Capricorn; (only significant when other clues are present) I noticed odd reactions to other Gay men as if he was afraid of being outed; When I stopped seeing him he questioned why a great catch like himself couldn’t find one good woman. I told him to pull a spandex dress out of the closet and find himself a good man.
    I’ve actually seen far more cases of closeted Lesbians married with children… Not fair! They can play that “hard to get, chaste and pure role with such ease. Men see them as “Most lkely to be faithful’ eg.. Wife material” God has a sense of humor!

    Reply
  6. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    hmmm….I’ve never liked labeling people, maybe because I’ve lived long enough to watch people transition, change, grow, and evolve.

    If I’m dating a guy and it’s not workng, then it’s just not working, but I don’t label him.

    I’ve seen many people hurt by the ” labels ” that others and society place on them.

    I really just view people as ” being people ” with different likes and dislikes. A quirk left over from my hippie days I guess….LOL

    Reply
  7. Emiliano Kuntakinte

    So if any man like have anal sex with their wives or girl friend should be labled gay that’s bunch of BS, I’m twice the man as any male but enjoy a good rump in the rear with my woman and the thought of doing that act to another man don’t even come to mind it is revolting.!!

    Reply
  8. TONY

    ALL TRUE!!! VERY ASTUTE OF YOU. COMING FROM A GAY MALE, I HAD TO ADMIT IT TO MY SELF. ONE CANNOT PLEASE EVERY ONE! IT HAS BEEN SAID AND SAID WELL ABOVE ALL TO THINE OWN-SELF BE TRUE! I SAY, IF IN A RELATIONSHIP, ONE OWE IT NOT ONLY TO ONES’ SELF TO BE, BUT TO THE PERSON ONE IS ENVOLVED WITH AS WELL!!!

    Reply
  9. Kiboko

    I just wanted to add that homosexuality isn’t contagious. I have loads of friends who are gay/lesbian/bi/trans and straight and I’m still straight. I don’t care what their sexuality or gender is, I just want them to be happy. I agree with Carol too that single does not equal gay. Maybe the author scared them her men off relationships as she is the common denominator, but to be honest they are so stereotypical it screams fake anyway. There is nothing wrong with being single. People with no sexual experience with either gender still know whom they are attracted to and hanging out with LGBTQI or straight people doesn’t change anything. The author is going to make men paranoid at this rate. Men with platonic female friends aren’t automatically gay anymore than a woman with male friends is a lesbian. In fact, men with female friends tend to make better boyfriends as they have a female perspective, unlike some men with all male friends who will just say women are all mad rather than admit they’re behaving like berks.

    Reply
  10. Kiboko

    I agree with James. It’s full of stereotypes and the poor guys can’t win. Every straight guy who has anal intercourse goes mad for it. This isn’t me saying guys who’ve slept with me feel like that, but my straight male friends tell me they love it, partly because it’s tight and partly because it’s a very intimate act between a man and a woman and it makes them feel close to their partners. And what the hell is an ‘abnormal’ amount of sexual experimentation with men? Masturbating in front of another man is fine, but a kiss is a real no-no? Having a gay best friend does not make you gay either. Our friends’ sexuality is irrelevant. Only a bigoted homophobe would say that someone had everything it took to be a great friend, but their sexuality is a deal breaker in case it made them look gay. In fact it can be advantageous as there would be no chance of being attracted to the same person. Flirting with other women is a definite no-no and I wouldn’t want a man to flirt with women to ‘prove’ he was straight. It would prove he’s a jerk and I’d end it for that alone. If you think your boyfriend is gay, you need to ask HIM, not a psychic who doesn’t know either of you.

    Reply
  11. Real Woman

    Yeah I too unfortunately had 3 guys that were interested in me that were gay. One I dated in my senior year of high school, and though some signs were there and even one of my friend’s mom questioned his sexuality. Yet I was still totally clueless until he made a confession to my sister after I graduated. The 2nd one was when I was 17-18 straight out of high school and this guy wanted to date me (we met at a internship), we started out as friends…but his clues were far more obvious and I confronted him about it in a sensitive and supportive way and he admitted he was at least bi-sexual or bi-curious…which was gay in my book. The 3rd one I met in sophmore year of college, so we were about 19-20. We all would hang out in a big group of friends and roommates and talk about everything and he’d always throw out some homophobic slur or comment as if to give the impression that he wasn’t gay. We all would look at him thinking (not saying verbally but thinking) “man we know you’re gay, it’s not necessary to degrade yourself with the mean homophobic comments”. Nonetheless he asked me out on a double date to a valentine’s day dinner and I said yes just to be nice as he was a good friend. It never went any further than that because I wouldn’t allow it. Hopefully those days are behind me, but sometimes I gotta wonder. Thanks for the article and sharing your experiences so that other women can recognize that it’s not just them experiencing this.

    Reply
  12. Janina

    I always felt my ex boyfriend was gay also due to the excessive amount of time he spent with one particular male friend, who never had a girlfriend, but only female friends who were always platonic. It seemed as if both of them had problems maintaining a relationship with a woman and always spoke negatively and had choice “B” words for women in general. They worked, golfed, vacationed, went to car races together, in lieu of my company. When I finally kicked my ex out and he went to live with this other men, while both of them denied they were gay, I was told I’m not welcome in the male friend’s house due to having called him gay! I was in the hospital with a really bad stomach virus that occurred and lasted 3 weeks after a minor knee surgery, in which I couldn’t even keep water down and had blisters in my mouth due to the acid from vomiting so much and he shows up at the ER with his buddy, takes me home and then went out to dinner @11:30 pm till 2 am with him! But, they’re not gay! Yeah, right!!!! Women can tell these things. He also had a twin sister that was a girl and I feel like he acted so wussy and almost like he was her and he also was verbally and emotionally abusive, probably like the previous person commented since he was so resentful of women and trying to pretend he’s attracted to us. Why can’t men just be honest with their feelings if they are gay, instead of leading women on, wasting our time, and just be who they are. I am not judgmental and am very sexual, so when he turned me down sexually and made excuses like headaches, backaches or fatigue like a woman it really gave me a complex and I thought it was me. He also needed a lot of visual stimulation in order to become aroused and masturbated a lot to porn, but no necessarily gay porn, but maybe he was afraid to get caught by me and be discovered. He even cooked and spent time with his male friend as if they were a couple while with me. I could never confirm his sexual identity but there are enough red flags pointing in that direction that I don’t need anymore of my time wasted in an abusive relationship that he can’t be honest about his true sexual orientation.

    Reply
  13. Angela

    Oh, how this sounds so familiar. I had the same experience with my ex-boyfriend he had some tale signs that was suspect to me. Thank you for opening pandora’s box it needs to put on radar for all women to see and to hear.

    Reply
  14. Victor

    This is going to b like way of the subject n on it at the same time I saw a guy who did the same thing that u just mention towards me but I also believe that he is not only gay but also I know they don’t exist but I have this feeling that he is a Vampire he talks a lot about Alexander the great cus his name is Alexander Adams n I need to know more about him.

    Reply
  15. Paul Woolgar

    Over this lifetime of 81 years I have encountered number of lesbian types and being a solitary attached to only one woman they thought it strange that I never ever made any sort of pass at any of that group. They had their work and I was their lead an and there was a lot of temptation to violate my vows. After I lost my beloved in a terrible auto accident I hired a local single lady who is also a solitary and to be my house keeper. After a while she suddenly said to me you are a natural witch!! why don’t you come out of the broom closet and admit what you are. ” You are a Scorpio born on the 31 of October 1931. A Natural Born Witch” She is a Taurus if we were of a closer age, I believe that we would be natural couple but age is the big thing that separates us. Paul

    Reply
  16. Ruth

    Thank you for posting this artical. I have lived with all kinds of weirdness from my boyfriend of 8 years. I really believe I should have left when I caught him masturbating with a Taboo magazine rather than having a physical relationship with me. That alone broke my heart!

    Reply
  17. VJ

    Thanks for the heads up!

    I moved to Los Angeles about 27 years ago, and was amazed by the number of guys in the work place, who love to hang out with women, as girlfriends, and gossip, or as catty as women. A lot of these men are married and/or have girlfriends. It is not unusual to meet men, who have gay male or female friends, or women who have gay male and female friends.

    I’ve hardly dated at all since moving to L.A. Some guys are simply weird! So, the majority of the above signs could apply to a lot of men.

    I am now in my fifties, and content that the search for Mr. Right is over! Now, I fear what the future holds for the present and next generations of women!

    NAMASTE’

    Reply
  18. Tina

    He flirts a lot with the opposite sex and frequently claims out loud how he loves woman and he knows he’s not gay. Also suffered sexual abuse as a young child from his gay older brother

    Reply
  19. johnny

    you women crack me up,i hate gays that doesnt mean im gay,it is disgusting to see men kiss or grab ass,I am a country man and if a gay man makes a pass at me i will literally hang him up by his feet and skin him like a deer,then feed him to the hawgs,hahaha women come for a country man ,and i like sex women love anal sex that i have met ,i like a vagina myself but if you dont please the lady she will find it somewhere else,but just cause i get a women ass doesnt mean i want a man ,that is gross,when i see gays i tease them till they want to fight so i can beat the hell out of them,us country men love you sexy city women and wonder why those city men wont hold and kiss you ladies,we think that they are gay or just think they are better than you are ,we country men know that a women is equal to us men ,we love how sexy you city women are but we also like a woman that knows how to take care of themselves when we are gone, i have been looking for a lady for along time i like thin to average women thick and curvy, women and i cannot see what a man sees in another man to where they kiss and sleep together nasty and gross to just the thought,so women if you want a hard ,strong man im a kind man but not to gays ,i do hope you look better than i ,hahaha cant believe the gays mind ,ladies stay away from gays ,disease is bad for your health,cum to me ladies im here hahaha lets go fishing

    Reply
  20. Lois

    I am a 65 year old divorced woman, who dated for several months, a widower who after 41 years of marriage, claimed he had a wonderful marriage, although he had his second wife, mother of his only son, cremated with no memorial service for her. He worked in a job that took him out of town for several days in a row then home for several days( a railroad engineer). I believe he led a double life most of his life. I truly believe he was bi-sexual but when he could not have an erection leaned more to men and wanted to take a passive role in the bedroom being extremely narcissistic. He also mentioned in a conversation about sex that men in Greece married women to have their children but made love to other men. Here are some other signs you can add to your list. He wanted me to not shave under my arms and was really turned on by this, wanted his clothing ironed with creases in his jeans, asked me to give him manicures, he clipped and used coupons, also went away in his big RV at least once or twice a month for several days alone. But last, but not least wanted a threesome. me with he and his brother. When I refused all of this, of course our relationship was ended. I wonder too that when men reach their late sixties or early seventies if they become jaded if they can not have an erection. The man that I dated before him had had a stroke and walked with a walker but otherwise normal and very intelligent, asked me in a round about way if I would be interested in becoming a dominatrix for him! A good man is hard to find but by the law of averages and many prayers the good man for me will come into my life soon. Many setbacks but life is not over yet. Sincerely, Lois

    Reply
  21. Daisie Kallop

    My daughter’s husband came out after 12 years of marriage, and 3 children. Now he stay’s
    involved with his kid’s, by watching them on weekends. As grandma, I got over my judgment!
    Now, we accept the situation with love, and blessing’s for all!

    Reply
  22. mary

    he prefers that you perform oral sex on him to sexual intercourse with you and if you can get him to have sexual intercourse with you he will not look at during the act and will get dressed and will leave as soon as the act is done

    Reply
  23. Jay

    You went through the various points that might be indicators that a guy is gay that one that stood out to me was:
    19. He gets regular manicures and pedicures with extra nail shining and plucks/shapes his eyebrows.

    Being a guy I have to say that would not be an indicator there are thousands of guys that have to have there eyebrows plucked cause they are really think like myself for example. Though just because a guy goes for manicures and pedicures does not necessarily make the guy gay. So that point yes can be valid point it also cannot be something that can be looked at in determining if a guy is gay or no

    Reply
  24. Debster

    Good article! Wow, my ex had about ten out of the above right on the nose. Yeah, he’s still single, going from one failing relationship to the next. I feel bad for him, and wish he could be at peace. He works in a very straight environment and his work seems to define him, it won’t be an easy road for him I’m afraid. It’s unfortunate that we let ourselves be sucked into societal definitions of what, “we should be…”

    Reply
  25. HELEN

    I was always concern about my man, of he said he wasn’t gay but u never know. He stop the sex an slept on the couch. I move out got my own apt.

    Reply
  26. vickie

    ok talking about gay we split up for awhile we were swingers but he got into men to much while we were split he got with a man im sorry but still wondering if he is playing with men are sex life is pretty much gone can you answer this his name is mark

    Reply
  27. Tammy Ross

    While reading this I had a stronge urge to reply. I have been remarried for 2 years now. My husband does not enjoy sex & often finds it hard to maintain an irrection. We have had this discussion several times about the lack there of & the situation never changes. It makes me feel unwanted.. He can and does often use porn. Also his brother is gay. Sometimes my husbands actions are less than manly, leaving me feeling both confused & unwanted. Please help!

    Reply
  28. nicole

    You hit it head on, I have wondered this about several men in my past. I talk to friends about this and never could get insight about what to really look for. I glad you wrote this!

    Reply
  29. salma

    my boyfriend hangs out most of the time with these two guys.almost every weekend and he claims that they are his best friends.he was in a relationship with a bisexual woman and used to have sex with her and her girl friend.do you think he is gay?

    Reply
  30. Carol

    What a bunch of BS. By your definition all men could be classified as gay. I was born male but now live as a female. I wear women’s clothes. I however, only desire women. The thought of even hugging another man revolts me. When I am dating, I remain loyal to her. Although I know some gay men, I would not classify them as my best friends. And, yes I have lots of platonic friendships with women. BUT I AM NOT GAY. A man who remains single is not necessarily gay. I read about who had a sex change, and even after the operation still slept only with women. Wake up, get real. Their are as many degrees of masculinity and femininity as their are people on earth.

    Reply
  31. james

    as a gay male and some one who is friends with many straight married couples and straight men(as i was raised in a orediminantle straight enviroment and only came out late) this write up is phatethic,..really really sad. because a man takes careif him self,his best friend is gay or bisexual,.like to wear your clothes or likes high heels,.sorry woman,..you have a warped sense of what a gay man is today!. just admit you did not ,or have the wrong or bad taste in men,.start working onnyou first instead of filling womens heads with crap like this. spewing hate that men that are in touch real caring are gay! pls,…get real!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *