Ask Max

In Ask Max, our guide to the male mind in all matters of dating and relationships, Max Able fields reader questions. If you’d like to ask Max yourself, email your question to Max at

A recent comment on my Secret Minds Of Men article finds reader Tammy confused after a seemingly random breakup:

Tammy said…
My boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday and now I have to move all my stuff out of the house and back to my parents. He tells me it’s because I didn’t answer the phone when he called. I didn’t hear the phone. Plus I was drinking and now he says I was cheating and that he cant believe a word I say. What should I do now? I love him and I made a mistake. I’m not perfect.

Tammy –

Did your boyfriend break up with you? Yes. Did he do it because of a missed phone call? No. It sounds like he was ready to move on, but because he was too cowardly to confront you directly about his feelings he made up an excuse.

You were dealt the pain, confusion and self-doubt of his ridiculous reason, and he didn’t sack-up to the real reason he decided to end the relationship.

When the truth is hard, it’s easy for anyone in a relationship to circumvent the truth with excuses or explanations that will hurt less. Rejecting someone to their faces is the hardest truth to tell, but only in that moment. Dishonesty hurts worse because it hurts longer. You can spend your whole life wishing you’d picked up that phone.

Tammy, what troubles me about this situation is that your ex didn’t make up an excuse to soften the blow – his was borderline malicious. His unwillingness to talk to you, and his constantly blaming you, makes me think he’s not only a coward but a jerk. He has not shown regards for your feelings, and I promise that life is going to provide you with men that are a hell of a lot better than this one.

Get yourself together and put this guy behind you. That might also mean not drinking so much that you can’t hear your phone ring.

  • M.A.

2 thoughts on “Ask Max

  1. USMC

    Well young lady, This is not in reply to your comment but a message to you since you are hard to get with. Things are not good…. I was given a bunch of b/s today why we didn’t meet up and I’m not looking into what was said/emailed either. It’s time for me to move on! Will try to get in with you but as I see things (my gut feeling) is, it’s finished.
    Take care.

  2. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Her boyfriend also showed that he was capable of being mentally and emotionally abusive !!!!!!
    Something tells me this was not the first time he acted out like this either…..there were previous signs of narcisstic behavior in this guy I’m sure.
    Abusive behavior can take on many different forms…..this guy was showing signs of narcissism.
    Blessed Be )O(…….Gina Rose ext.9500


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