In Ask Max, our guide to the male mind in all matters of dating and relationships, Max Able fields reader questions. If you’d like to ask Max yourself, email your question to Max at email@example.com
A recent comment on my Secret Minds Of Men article finds reader Tammy confused after a seemingly random breakup:
My boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday and now I have to move all my stuff out of the house and back to my parents. He tells me it’s because I didn’t answer the phone when he called. I didn’t hear the phone. Plus I was drinking and now he says I was cheating and that he cant believe a word I say. What should I do now? I love him and I made a mistake. I’m not perfect.
Did your boyfriend break up with you? Yes. Did he do it because of a missed phone call? No. It sounds like he was ready to move on, but because he was too cowardly to confront you directly about his feelings he made up an excuse.
You were dealt the pain, confusion and self-doubt of his ridiculous reason, and he didn’t sack-up to the real reason he decided to end the relationship.
When the truth is hard, it’s easy for anyone in a relationship to circumvent the truth with excuses or explanations that will hurt less. Rejecting someone to their faces is the hardest truth to tell, but only in that moment. Dishonesty hurts worse because it hurts longer. You can spend your whole life wishing you’d picked up that phone.
Tammy, what troubles me about this situation is that your ex didn’t make up an excuse to soften the blow – his was borderline malicious. His unwillingness to talk to you, and his constantly blaming you, makes me think he’s not only a coward but a jerk. He has not shown regards for your feelings, and I promise that life is going to provide you with men that are a hell of a lot better than this one.
Get yourself together and put this guy behind you. That might also mean not drinking so much that you can’t hear your phone ring.