Is an Arranged Marriage Right for You?

Is an Arranged Marriage Right for You?

Can an Arranged Marriage Work?

Every relationship needs adjustment and compromise to work. But is it possible that we put too much emphasis on butterflies, heart pitter-patter and “zing”? Do those feelings last forever?

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Love Marriage

If you grow up with the idea that marriage can only work if it’s magical, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. The truth is marriage is challenging, even when the two people in it are compatible. The challenges come from high expectations, lack of communication, commitment issues and lack of trust. There is also the fact that many people get married because they place too much emphasis on sexual compatibility. The problem is that once those lusty hormones settle, they’re left with the realities of marriage—their partner’s annoying family, their partner’s little annoying habits and the challenges life throws their way.

Is an Arranged Marriage Settling?

Should you settle? Should you set aside sexual compatibility and attraction for something comfortable and safe? When it comes to marriage, is there such a thing as good enough? Some people have given up on finding a life partner, so they turn to their families or a matchmaker to find a suitable spouse. It’s called arranged marriage, but it isn’t the arranged marriage of the patriarchs and matriarchs of the bible or some ultra-religious foreign country. It’s happening in America and it’s more commonplace than you think.

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In order for such an arrangement to work, the potential bride or groom must trust their family or matchmaker, have reasonable expectations and be open to marriage. And once a partner has been selected for them, they need to date them seriously and exclusively, with the goal of marriage being the end result. And once they get married, they need to be willing to work at the marriage, stay committed and dedicate themselves to building a future with this person.

Love Marriage vs. Arranged Marriage

According to research by Wright Sate University, the average marriage goes through a couple of declines during the first 10 years, including one at four years and another at seven years (the seven year itch). According to the research, the average love marriage starts off at a high point where both partners make excuses for each other’s shortcoming. But after four years, the excuses are no longer made and each partner begins to see the other as they really are.

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In the case of arranged marriage, statistics suggest that peak happiness occurs sometime after the first five years. This could be due to each partner having lower expectations (compared to love marriage) at the beginning of the marriage. In an arranged marriage, there is a clear understanding that both partners will have to work to make the marriage successful. Their minds aren’t clouded by romance or sexual chemistry. These couples are focused on what needs to be done to develop compatibility.

Divorce?

When families are more involved in a relationship, it makes it harder to walk away from a marriage. Some critics may say that arranged marriages focus too much on the family and not on how the couple feels about each other. But in a love marriage, maybe too much emphasis is placed on how the couple feels about each other and not on how their relationship affects their parents, children and other family. Outside influences can influence a struggling couple to work things out and stay together.

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Is Arranged Marriage Right for You?

An arranged marriage is not a cure-all for someone who has a difficult time in the dating scene. However, it is a good reminder of what actually makes a marriage successful. Romance and sex don’t keep a marriage thriving over the long haul. It’s the realistic expectations, the hard work and being considerate of each other’s feelings that makes a marriage last. If you continuously choose the wrong types of partners, maybe you should put the task of choosing your mate in the hands of someone else, whether they’re family, friends or a reputable matchmaker. They can spot the red flags you might be blind to.

9 thoughts on “Is an Arranged Marriage Right for You?

  1. GABY

    I wish I had listened to my mother. She introduced me to some very nice men, with lots of things in common with me, such as family lineage, character, etc. But I was adamant to find the love at first sight, when I should have taken a second look. Give credit to your own mother because she’s perhaps the person who knows you best.

    Reply
  2. laurilee Bork

    where is the love. You just don’t fall in love with someone who was picked for you. I have had a few blind dates. Did not connect with them at all. My friends may have met well, but that person was their choice, not mine I’ve done well for myself thank-you. Married to a great guy for 30 years.

    Reply
  3. peaches

    Hell no!! with emphasises!! I KNOW what I like NOBODY knows what my private quirky likes are and I won’t tell you either.
    “Don’t choose a shade tree for me to sit under ” is an old timey saying my mother use say.
    It would never work for me because , I admit” I AM STUBBORN !
    no thnaks . I’m tooamerica. Live and let live flower child , long as you don’t step over my personal boundaries.
    Peaches

    Reply
  4. smith

    Hi psychic,
    Thank you very much for your educations on love marriage and Arranged Marriage, and i want u to continue working in this direction.
    nice day,

    Smith

    Reply
  5. Kathy

    I love the idea of an arranged marriage! Man, I picked out a man that was far from my highest good or the good of my children! No one would have picked him for me but me. How do you find reputable match makers?

    Reply
  6. Brenda

    If someone was very adept at spotting the right mate for someone else, and they were objective and professional about it, I suppose it could work for some people.

    However, I would think for a marriage to be a consideration for a potential mate, one would have to have some sort of connection to begin with, physical or otherwise, based on the matchmaker or friend who is doing the matching up. Especially if the individual being matched has certain tendancies or requirements in a mate.

    Maybe that is why it could work for some. But if the matchmaker is not thorough and doing their homework about what a mate would like in another individual, it could totally bomb!

    Someone once tried to match me up based on pity and my looks at the time. At that particular time, after much personal loss in my life, I was not in a good place and not taking care of myself, and as a result, I was misread and it was assumed that a certain someone would be a good potential fit for me.

    Well meaning as it was, I was never so embarassed in a more than awkward way, and that gentleman may have had his feelings hurt in a indirect way. The bottom line was, I was not ready and it would have been wise for the matchmakers to check with me before deciding to go ahead and find me a mate, on my behalf.

    It is a very serious step to take and everyone should be on board for such a committment before one attempts such a process.

    What about age differences? I would love to hear from someone about that one! I have heard that some women out there are hooking up with younger men and it seems to be working for them…. Any comments or feedback on that one. You never know where you are going to meet or connect with a potential mate, and how young is too young?

    Reply
  7. Debster

    Hmmmm… Not sure, but the article makes some very good and thought provoking points. On the upside, they certainly couldn’t make any poorer choices than I already have myself. 😉

    Reply
  8. Psychic Fiona #5178

    An arranged Marriage? No thanks. Not my cup of tea.
    Good article though. Certainly gives pause for introspection.

    Reply

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