The 8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be in a Relationship

8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be in a Relationship

Get Smart About Relationships

What are the ideal elements of a romantic relationship? Most people would say love, passion, friendship, humor and trust. If your relationship has all of these elements, chances are you’ll have long-term love. But what if your relationship doesn’t have most of, if not all of, these elements? Could you be in a relationship for the wrong reasons? Let’s explore eight of the wrong reasons people choose to be in relationships.

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You Want Financial Security

Do you have too many student loans? Do you spend more than your earn? Maybe you have credit card debt or you just don’t feel like paying your own way anymore. Wouldn’t it be nice to find a rich person who could take all your financial burdens away? It wouldn’t. Money isn’t love. You won’t love someone just because they have money and they give it to you. You can’t fake it and eventually that person will feel used. Maybe some of your bills will get paid in the meantime, but you’ll also get used to a luxurious lifestyle you won’t be able to maintain on your own. Don’t base your relationship on money.

You Need to Escape Loneliness

If you’re feeling lonely, you may want a relationship because you want someone to spend time with. You may want companionship and someone to talk to, take care of and spend your life with. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, loneliness can make a person feel desperate and there are some people who prey on desperate people. If you’re not careful, you could fall for someone who’s abusive and drains you financially. Don’t let loneliness and desperation pick your mate.

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You Want to Make Your Parents Happy

Parents often drop hints about their child’s relationship status and sometimes those hints aren’t so subtle. They may say you’re getting older, and as a result, less attractive. They may mention your biological clock and their desire for grandchildren. Would you consider being in a relationship just to make them happy? The problem is that someone who meets your parents’ criteria for the perfect mate may not meet yours. And you’re the person who has to live with them! Don’t let your parents pressure you into a relationship.

You Want to Fit in With Your Friends

When all your friends are in relationships or getting married, it can make you feel like the odd person out. All of a sudden they want to do couple things and talk about relationships and you feel like you have nothing to contribute to the conversation. Maybe you feel like they’re all pulling away from you. Perhaps they’ve even tried to set you up, but you’re not attracted to any of the suitors who’ve come your way. Friendships are based on many things, but one thing is commonality. If being single was what you all had in common, and now you don’t have that in common anymore, perhaps you need to go out and find yourself some new single friends.

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You’re Bored

If you’re lying around the house with nothing to do, you may think a romantic relationship is the key to quashing your boredom. It’s not. Watch a movie, get a hobby, spend time with friends or get a pet. That’s how you relieve boredom. Don’t go looking for a partner as a means of entertainment. Relationships aren’t about what someone else can do for you.

You Want Someone to Make You Whole

Are you looking for your missing piece? That’s a sweet sentiment but it’s also flawed. Relationships are healthy when two whole people come together—not when one whole person swoops in and patches up the holes in another person. If you have issues, a relationship isn’t going to fix them, but therapy might. Go talk to a professional and work on making yourself whole before you invite someone into your life.

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You Think You Can’t Have Sex Otherwise

Some people think it’s morally wrong to have sex when they’re not in a relationship. That’s just not true anymore. You need to get yours and if you play it safe and manage your expectations, you can enjoy an active sex life without being in a relationship. But even if the sex you’re having with someone is amazing, that does not mean you should commit to them. Look for other points of connection other than what you share between the sheets.

Your Child Needs a New Parent

There is a lot of guilt that comes with being a single parent. Maybe your partner passed away or maybe you couldn’t make the relationship work. Either way, you may be rushing to give your child a new parent who will love them as if they were their own. Maybe you just want someone to handle half of the parenting responsibilities with you. The problem is you’re potentially introducing your child to a slew of suitors who may not stick around. And while you may be attracted to someone because they love your child, you should also make sure there is a connection that goes beyond how they treat your kid. One day, your kid is going to grow up and move out. Will you still be attracted to your partner then?

Relationships are wonderful, but if you don’t enter into them for the right reasons, they could be doomed to fail from the start. So before you give someone your heart, use your head. Ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship, what you expect from the relationship, and what’s so great about the person you want to be with.

8 thoughts on “The 8 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be in a Relationship

  1. Marc from the UK

    Gemini6 seems to be someone who is wise and also learning from this site !

    thanks for your kind comments 🙂

    I believe you can be lonely in a relationship because you either chose it for the wrong reasons or you are with the wrong person!

    Either way be sad alike me lol and be on your own, but waiting for the right person 🙂

    Reply
  2. GEMINI6

    Thank you for your article very informative. For myself yes, I do need a man who is financially
    stable all I have been getting are men who are still playing games and not having a stable job, house or retirement plan for the future. All there looking is my financial status, and they
    want marriage (are you Kidding), and there in there 50’s and 60’s. Well, this gal wants a life partner with no marriage which is only ties you financially and thats not going to happen. It does not promise u anything else. I agree with Marc and Terri ( you go girl). The only one
    you have to make happy is yourself, you do not have to please anybody. And being desperate is not good, being alone sometimes is better them being hurt and disallusioned all the time.
    You have to like yourself, and not think its the end of the world just because you don’t have a partner. Its sad but u will get over it.

    Reply
  3. Marc from the UK

    I can only imagine that people who marry for all the wrong reasons are unaware of their motivation and reasons, maybe just selfish or insecure.

    I have learned to be alone rather than use people for my own reasons.

    Happiness is learning to be who you are then you can give a wholesome you, not a flawed persona 🙂

    Reply
  4. Terry

    Some of these comments are hilarious! First of all, I think this is a great article. People do tend to get into relationships for the wrong reasons, and yes, these reasons are wrong! So many people focus on finding a partner who can do x, y, and z for them, and not what they have to offer a partner themselves. If you aren’t happy and feelings fulfilled, at least in some ways in your life, what do you really have to offer a partner or a relationship? Who wants to be with an unhappy, unfulfilled person? Not me!

    And the author isn’t advocating casual sex. She’s saying you don’t have to have sex inside of a relationship. “Shocking,” I know, but there are many women these days who are perfectly happy having sex without being in a relationship and that really isn’t for anyone else to judge. I am sure they wouldn’t care if you disapproved…

    And in response to the comment about men taking a while to discover what women like in bed, I just have to say this: No man I have ever been with has been clueless about my needs and likes in bed. You know why? Because I tell them! That’s right. I am confident in my sexuality and my need for pleasure and I tell my man what I want. There’s no shame in it. Speak up, ladies! Tell men what you want and have sex when you want. Don’t wait for commitment, especially if it’s not something you’re looking for.

    Another great California Psychics article!

    Reply
  5. Chrissi

    I agree with you on that Gina Rose, never sure how ‘arranged’ marriages work as they seem to have quite an inauspicious start as sometimes the couples only meet weeks before, but I know of happy ones- it took a while for me to realise why I was so unsuccessful with my relationships after my first lover- obviously there had been relationships before however afterwards- it was a nightmare, though after hearing he had died I had a horrible enlightenment about it it dawned on me I had been trying to replace him with every guy I had been with -my first husband lasted 18 months before he went back to his mum, I ended up in an abusive relationship where I lost my home, and almost everything in it to escape from it- then I made a relationship with the guy who gave me shelter when I left – well we’ve seen off a few problems together- his affair and fathering a child- but I felt my son needed a stable relationship so I stayed his mother never seemed to like me but I put up with the problems that came with that as we lived in her house- but realising after hearing of my first lover died about my hunting for replacements I realised our relationship, other than mutual lust, was another of them sadly the lust died out after my menopause coincided with his cancer treatment the mechanics didn’t work for a year and now well- too much planning needs doing — we’ve still been together 27 years 25 married this year and I like to think we’re friends though he I think does love me in his way

    Reply
  6. Terrie

    Not only that….you are advocating casual sex for women??????????? WTF? You of all people should know that for a woman to be truly fulfilled, she needs the time and attention of a fulltime lover. It takes a man a long time to learn what pleases her and the only way to really do that is be in a committed, long term relationship. I have NEVER had good sex with a casual partner. EVER. And I am 53 years old. And Believe me I have had plenty of them. I came of age in the seveties.

    Reply
  7. Terrie

    Excuse me, but…I think this article should be called “The eight reasons you should be in a relationship.” Most of them are the only reason to be in a relationship! Your are lonely, bored you’re not having sex…You want someone to fulfill you and you want security. Last time I checked those were all the reasons a women or a man for that matter would WANT to be in a relationship. I think you new age psychologist are all wrong. We are social creatures and we need eachother to be happy. I ain’t buying into your rediculous belief that we have to be happy and totally fulfilled before we can be in a relationship! I don’t know anyone like that. Not one person.

    Reply
  8. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Best article I’ve read all year so far !!!! Nice job, Dania !!!!

    Call me old fashioned, but getting married should be because of love, pure and simple. Not because of the need for a ” fix ” for a life situation you find yourself in. Most divorces are the result of 2 people marrying for all of the wrong reasons.

    If you marry for the right reason, you may just find yourself in a HAPPY and HEALTHY marriage that will go the distance and last.

    This article gives some VERY wise advice.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply

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