Dating can become treacherous ground when you are straddling the line between friendship and intimacy. We want to be so many things to everyone, but sometimes the best policy is to be honest with yourself about who you are, and what you are looking for in a partner. If you have to commit any of these seven deadly sins in order to maintain a relationship, chances are it’s not worth it.
Lust: Thou Shall Not Rush Into Sex
Sex is a fundamental desire in an intimate relationship, but rushing into sex too soon can undermine true intimacy, replacing it with lust. A worthy man doesn’t need to have sex within the first few dates. He may be thinking about it, and if you allow him certain advantages, he may certainly take the initiative, but in truth, he is probably more enthralled with the chase than the reward. If you give away all your treasure and mystery before he’s had to work for it, he could quickly lose interest. As with most things in life, the more you have to work for something, the more you will appreciate it once it’s yours.
Pride: Thou Shall Not Change the Man
Pride has many faults, such as desiring perfection in ourselves and our mate. But one of the worst things you can do in this pursuit is to assume that you can change a man into everything you ever wanted. Men are fundamentally who they are. They may want to change, they may even tell you that they can change, but in general you should assume that what you see is what get. The only caveat is to realize when you’re being overly picky. While it may be annoying that he snorts when laughing at old reruns of Seinfeld — and can’t give a decent massage to save his life — is that a just cause for throwing away a potentially very satisfying relationship?
Greed: Thou Shall Not Expect Too Much Early On
One of the worst parts of dating is all the waiting. ‘Does he like me?’ ‘Are we dating, or just hanging out?’ ‘Does he want children?’ While these questions are important down the road, they don’t need to be answered within the first few dates. A budding relationship should allow itself to unfold in due time, without forcing things. Take everything in stride, and focus on enjoying yourself and the company. Don’t open up your true feelings too fast, or expect him to do the same. Most men prefer the mystery in getting to know you.
Too Much of a Good Thing is Called Smothering
To paraphrase an old saying, “If you hold a butterfly too tightly, you’ll crush it.” There are fundamentally two kinds of relationships, passionate and romantic. The passionate relationship is defined by lust, infatuation, and the jealousy associated with being apart. These relationships are never as happy as they could be, as it is hard to enjoy love when you are in a constant state of panic. A romantic relationship, by comparison, is every bit as passionate, but the relationship is based more on trust and security, not obsession.
Wrath: Thou Shall Not Allow Anger to Filter Across from Past Relationships
Expecting all men to be like your exes is a recipe for disaster. Relationships can be a dangerous business for our heart, but true love can never be achieved without sharing yourself openly with a potential soulmate. This is the catch 22 of all relationships, meaning that in order for them to prosper, we must start each one on a fresh slate This puts ourselves in the position of one day becoming hurt, but at the same time, distrusting and snooping around without just cause will scare away worthy suitors.
Envy: Be Yourself
Stay clear of love interests who like to compare you with their exes and offer advice on how to become more of what they prefer in a mate. A relationship is not all about what you can do for them, but also what they can do for you. Never neglect your own needs, trying to meet someone else’s. If you don’t feel like one of the most beautiful and appreciated people on the entire planet each time you’re together, you’re probably never going to.
Sloth: Thou Shall Not Fake Orgasms
Faking an orgasm seems a lot easier than dealing with the potentially uncomfortable position of telling a man that his motions in the ocean are not quite rocking your boat. Make no mistake about it, faking an orgasm early in a relationship will only cause more confusion and hurt feelings later on. What’s he supposed to say when you tell him on the day of your 10th anniversary that his old moves aren’t going to cut it anymore. It is more difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. You’ve got to train them early!