5 Ways to Spot Frenemies

We’ve all heard the old adage, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” and although we are aware of the ways in which our friends can benefit or harm our lives, it is up to us to choose our relationships accordingly. However, there are times when it’s harder to spot those individuals whose camouflaged bad intentions surreptitiously eat away at our happiness and self-esteem (the very definition of a “frenemy”). Therefore, it’s in our best interest to delve into the heart of our relationships to determine if we have a real friend in our midst, or a frenemy.

1. Her Compliments Have Degrading Overtones
When our friend compliments us, are her words riddled with barely-veiled insults that end up cutting us down instead of making us feel good? Unfortunately, certain women are jealous of and threatened by all other women, including their female friends. Their way of responding to this threat is to make the other women around them feel “less than.” If we hear comments such as “You don’t look as big in that dress” or “Your hair is cuter than you usually wear it” from our “friend,” we can be sure they don’t have our best interests at heart. No matter how sweet-toned their voices or how big their smiles, their words are meant to hurt, and at the same time, to make themselves feel better at the expense or our self-confidence.

2. She is a People-User
Does a particular girlfriend always need something from us, but is mysteriously unavailable the minute we need a favor? Do we feel exhausted when we see that our friend is calling again, because we know it will invariably concern something else she needs? Genuine friendships are reciprocal and characterized by a healthy give-and-take, so we need to watch out for one-sided relationships that drain us instead of supporting us.

3. She’s a Disloyal Flirt
Having a big flirt for a girlfriend is one thing, but when her behavior knows no boundaries and she is shamelessly hitting on our ex-boyfriends and current boyfriend alike, we need to seriously reconsider her loyalty as our friend. Anyone who would make a pass at our mate, even an ex, without discussing it with us first, is obviously only looking out for number one and has no consideration whatsoever for our feelings.

4. She’s a Grudge-Holder
We all need to stick up for ourselves when someone is disrespecting us, but it’s important to make our peace and move on. Some women simply can’t do this and end up behaving eternally catty and spiteful to every person they believe has done them wrong. Usually, women like this are quick to judge and equally quick to go to the mats where dirty fighting is the rule and psychological carnage is the result. Our best strategy is to avoid these nightmarish individuals before they eventually come gunning for us.

5. She’s Two-Faced
A good friendship is composed of trust and honesty, where each friend can be the other’s confidante. If our friend is sharing our secrets with others or insulting us behind our backs, we can be sure they are not really our friend. The important issue about people with big mouths and petty personalities is that they usually get caught spouting their disloyalties sooner rather than later, in which case we can dump these surface friendships quicker than you can say “frenemy.”

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