5 Relationship Mistakes to Avoid

Though we all want a lasting, rewarding relationship with a partner we cherish, actually having one can feel elusive or even impossible altogether. Subconscious beliefs and false assumptions we’ve formed over the years about love and relationships often prevent us from having that very connection we crave so much.

Our parents, previous experiences, and society all shape our beliefs, which then express themselves through our actions and the mistakes we make with our partners. The good news is, once we’re able to recognize the beliefs and actions that hold us back, with practice and effort we can change them. Here are five extremely common relationship mistakes we make:1. Expecting our partner to read our mind

We often believe that if our partner really loved us, he would know exactly what we want and need without us having to tell him. He should be able to sense when we feel down, or “just know” when something is bothering us. However, studies show that men are much less adept at picking up on non-verbal cues than women. Therefore, without telling our significant other exactly what’s on our mind, he may very well have no idea anything is wrong. So when we’re upset about something, rather than giving him the silent treatment or blaming him for not being telepathic, we should just tell him how we feel.

2. Not asking for what we want and need

Women often learn that asking for what we want is “selfish” or “bitchy.” Perhaps our mother always put our father’s needs first, so we repeat that behavior by overemphasizing our partner’s satisfaction and disregarding our own. Or maybe we hold our feelings in and bottle them up inside, and when our needs aren’t met, anger and frustration build up and cause passive-aggressive behavior.

We deserve to be happy and satisfied, both inside and outside the bedroom. Luckily, with consistent practice, we can learn how to express ourselves and state our needs clearly and effectively.

3. Thinking our partner can complete us or make us happy

Women often hold the subconscious belief that having a boyfriend or husband will solve all our problems. After we are in a relationship for a while, and this inevitably isn’t the case, we can feel disillusioned and blame our partner’s shortcomings rather than our misguided notions. But relying on an external factor like our significant other to make us happy puts the responsibility on an entity outside ourselves. We are the only ones who can make ourselves happy. Creating the life we want is our job, not theirs.

4. Not accepting our partner for who he is

We often think that if our partner “really loved us,” he would change that one behavior or habit that drives us nuts. But the adage that we can’t expect people to change has withstood the test of time for a reason. That particular behavior may serve a purpose for him or be so deeply ingrained that changing it would be extremely difficult.

Even if he does change to please us, he will likely resent us for it, and question whether we love him for who he really is or just for who we want him to be. Accepting our partner, faults and all, furthers the mentality that we are a team.

5. Holding our partner back

Though it may seem strange, we often become threatened by the very qualities and talents that attracted us to our partner in the first place. Maybe we initially loved his way with words and ease in social situations, but now that we’re in an established relationship, we feel terrified other women will love those traits as well. Or perhaps we fear that if our partner loses weight or becomes a successful musician, he will leave us. To prevent that from happening, we then engage in subtle acts of sabotage to keep him down and hold him back. We operate from a position of fear instead of love.

Reframing the situation can change our outlook. Rather than seeing our partner’s gifts and abilities as a threat, we can view them as complementary to ours and as additional skills for the collective union. By being our significant other’s biggest fan, not only do we encourage him to do the same for us, we show self-confidence and security in who we are.

While these relationship mistakes are extremely common, once we understand why we commit them, we can learn from them rather than repeating them over and over. We can work on healing dysfunctional relationships and strengthening healthy ones. Most importantly, we plant the seeds and create the necessary environment for the healthy and fulfilling relationship we want and deserve to grow and flourish.

What relationship mistakes do you think people should avoid?

7 thoughts on “5 Relationship Mistakes to Avoid

  1. Rose Cocca

    when i i say partner i meen the one in the hospital…..i think my relationship is going fine..but there no understanding in this one…i dont talk to him…plus i dont see him….i dont know if this TRUE LOVE any more…i am putting a lot of effort but he backs off….who in the world has ego.or pride…but that is not true…i dont understand him at all…one day he is find ..the next day he is not the person you love….he a afaid of something..i dont much about him…i know him at least 6 years..and i dont know….i have a lot of faith in him…how can we break.up..when we dont know who we are…everytime i go see him he is not home or he will not see me…please give me answer to this question? what is relationship when the guy is a stranger to me? there nothing to break up….if he walks out my life i dont know if i miss him…”’ like the motto says how can anybody miss something they dont have”””

    Reply
  2. Brooke Forney

    Brooke, thank you for posting this. I have learned of these practices through premarital counseling.

    Velvetoversteel, it took me over a little of a decade to see this type of behavior pattern. It has been said “out of the heart, the mouth speaks.” When a man initially blames his present and/or past situations on circumstances outside himself, be leery of your future with him. Self accountability and self realization is very important to any successful relationship. Accusatory language, blaming, condescending undertones – all are not conducive to any relationship. Add to that , words uttered in anger rarely if ever accomplish anything productive. This is a serious red flag. And it will waive itself repeatedly. Listen closely to how he speaks of his past relationships. “She did this…I did this because of…” You’ll find what he isn’t saying is just as important as the thoughts that he expressed openly. Count yourself one of the lucky ones if you are able to see it early in the relationship.

    Jacqueline, it pains me to hear that some couples in straining relationships value “holding on” like it is some type right of passage. In your twenties, that type of thinking is tolerable. When you enter your thirties, that type of thinking is costly. While I value commitment, I also believe that when you are no longer able [or willing] to commit for any reason – walk away. Be mindful of each other’s time and resources. Allow each other to move on. Ego and Pride seem to present themselves in the form of the “struggle.” “I stayed because I had to.” “Leaving makes you a coward.” While it make you stronger, staying in the struggle doesn’t make you any better [smarter] than the person who opted to leave an unproductive relationship in favor of a better future. Life is too short to be unhappy. After all, we our responsible for our own happiness.

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  3. Pingback: 5 Mistakes Smart Women Make | California Psychics Blog

  4. velvetoversteel

    Great article! It took me 20+ years to learn these; but at least I did. Esp. that we need our own lives and that only we can make us happy. I’ve been blamed a great deal by men who didn’t take responsibility for their own happiness and made excuses. If only ‘you’ did this, or ‘you’ didn’t do that. It took a long time to not feel that it was my fault for the way I was treated.
    I honestly feel that I did try to avoid these mistakes in my marriage. But it takes both people to have a positive and non-blaming attitude and outlook. I can also see how ‘pride and the male ego’ (in my case) had a lot to do with the unwillingness to see things differently. Great point, Jacqueline, by the way!
    This article is going to help so many couples!
    Hugs,
    Coreen

    Reply
  5. Coreen Trost

    Great article! It took me 20+ years to learn these; but at least I did. Esp. that we need our own lives and that only we can make us happy. I’ve been blamed a great deal by men who didn’t take responsibility for their own happiness and made excuses. If only ‘you’ did this, or ‘you’ didn’t do that. It took a long time to not feel that it was my fault for the way I was treated.
    I honestly feel that I did try to avoid these mistakes in my marriage. But it takes both people to have a positive and non-blaming attitude and outlook. I can also see how ‘pride and the male ego’ (in my case) had a lot to do with the unwillingness to see things differently. Great point, Jacqueline, by the way!
    This article is going to help so many couples!
    Hugs,
    Coreen @ VOS

    Reply
  6. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi,
    This was a stellar article…….all of the points are excellent, very valid points. I look forward to reading more articles written by Brooke.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  7. Jacqueline

    Hi Brooke,

    Years ago when divorce was uncommon, it didnt mean that it was easier, or that the relationship was perfect, it just ment that they worked harder at the relationship, they didnt quit, they continued to try…….. when bumps looked like mountains, they moved them, they didnt just throw in the towel.

    Having a good healthy relationship whether married or not takes understanding, compassion and true love, you can have that relationship, they still do exist, if 2 people are willing to put forth the effert to have it.

    One thing that truly does get in the way of a great relaionship is “ego and pride” when being in a relationship the ego and pride should stay at the front door, too often these behaviors is the cause of many break-ups.

    Too often when you are in the relationship it can be difficult to see if perhaps you may be guilty of the ego and pride syndrome.

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

    Reply

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