3 Ways to Make Better Relationship Choices

Make Better Relationship Choices

Better Choices, Better Love

Life is full of choices. Some are big choices while others are small. Do you have a hard time making choices when it comes to small things like what shoes to wear to an interview? How about big choices, like if you should make a commitment to your partner? Relationship choices are huge choices to make.

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What’s holding you back from making better relationship choices? Is it your romantic past? Are you afraid your friends and loved ones won’t approve? Are you stressed out over the many choices you already have to make every day? It’s likely a little bit of all of these, but there are things you can do to make your relationship choices better and a lot easier. Here are my top three tips.

  1. Know What Choices Really Matter   
    Every choice (big or small) takes a toll on your mental energy, but not all choices require the same amount of energy. Do you know the difference? For example, choosing which sandwich to have for lunch doesn’t deserve the same scrutiny as the choice to take the next step in your relationship (becoming exclusive, moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, having children, etc.), so don’t treat them the same. You don’t need a million options for everyday choices—you just need a few. If you save your mental energy for choices that really matter, like relationship choices, you’ll make better choices because you’ll have the energy to do it once you focus on making choices that really matter.
  2. Avoid Approval Addiction
    If you take everyone’s opinions into consideration when making relationship choices, you suffer from approval addiction. Outside input can be important, but you need to know whose opinion matters and whose doesn’t. Other than your opinion, your partner’s opinion matters. And anyone who is directly impacted by your relationship (like children) has the right to weigh in. Otherwise, outside opinions don’t matter. Quit playing it so safe and live for yourself instead, because you won’t be happy if you can’t be true to yourself. If you’re living authentically, you’ll make better relationship choices that make you and your partner the happiest. Those who truly care for you will come around eventually, even if they object at first. Stop seeking their approval.
  3. Bypass Hindsight
    After a relationship ends, you may be tempted to dissect your choices in order to pinpoint the exact moment things went wrong. After reviewing the data it may seem like the relationship was destined to fail. But hindsight makes things seem simpler than they are and creates false judgements about you, your former partner and love and relationships in general. Hindsight turns into the baggage you’ll take with you to your next relationship (and every relationship that follows). This isn’t useful. While the choices you’ve made in the past may not seem like good choices now, they may have been the right choices at the time. This is why you should bypass hindsight and focus on future love.

Energy is Not Infinite

Energy is not infinite, even though we act like it is. We waste a lot of energy worrying about things that don’t matter and on choices that don’t matter. Who cares what sandwich you decide to have for lunch today? It’s just one of thousands of sandwiches you’ll probably have in your lifetime. And is there really a difference between the two pairs of black dress shoes you’re considering for that job interview? Nope. Let’s try using our energy on choices that matter. When it comes to important choices, like making better relationship choices, only consider these important perspectives—yours and your partner’s. Nothing else matters.

3 thoughts on “3 Ways to Make Better Relationship Choices

  1. GEMINI6

    Thank u Eric for your article. Relationships is were I do not have much luck in. We have all been programed that prince charming is coming but, that is all a fairy tale. Dating is
    ruff out there I have dated so meany that only want is a meal ticket. There is no one stable in there jobs or have plans for a future there all on medical (assistance) or want to further themselves for the future. I am just going to concentrate on myself and what I want and will not not settle. Its a waste of time.

  2. Augusta Agyemang

    Almost a year ago on Valentine’s Day, my partner dumped me for somebody else and my live seem to be full of financial problems. Will everything work out well for me as Isort my life out. Wil I also meet somebody and a good job where I want to live. As I am struggling and very frustrated. What should I do? Any suggestions?

  3. jaccqueine

    I’m going through relationship problems and I don’t now how to deal them or what I should do? Can you help me with that or give me some suggestions?


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