3 Love Lies

Self-help is invaluable. I read just about every major self-improvement book that comes around (and I’ve been writing for this site for five years as of this month). That said, self-help can be detrimental, too. Especially when it comes to our relationships. After all, even the best of intentions go awry when you twist wisdom to fit your worldview. On that note, here are three love lies that you – a person interested in self-realization, soulmates and spiritual betterment – just might be telling yourself!

Being Authentic Means Making My Demands Heard

“Ask and you shall receive” does not translate to getting whatever it is you ask for. Relationships are give and take, not demand and accept. And, though it sounds trite, the universe gives you what you need, not necessarily what you want. Consider that when you don’t get your way, it may be for the best – as opposed to being a sign that your partner isn’t suited to who you really are as a person. Likewise, just because you’d like something doesn’t mean you should expect it. No single person is meant to meet each and every one of your needs. In fact, you’re supposed to meet some of them yourself!

My Soulmate Will Be “Perfect”

If you’re among those who expect a soulmate to tick off every last box on your mile long checklist, think again! Requirements are great when it comes to manifesting a partner who makes you feel safe and loved and who respects your right to independence and individuality. On the other hand, ruling him out unless he’s over six feet tall or ignoring any potential girlfriend who doesn’t have at least a C-cup? Not deal breakers by any means – and only subjective indications of “perfection.” After all, how do you stack up?

The Right Partner Will Never Hurt Me

Finally, society has gotten so efficient that we’ve forgotten to leave room for error, and errors are a given in relationships. While anyone who treats you poorly is not worthy of your love and affection, someone who occasionally steps on your toes is just being human. Don’t mistake their mistakes for signs you’re ill-fated. Use them as tools to uncover your own shortcomings and work together for both of you to grow.

What would you say more constructive beliefs to have around love would be?

10 thoughts on “3 Love Lies

  1. woofabauk

    (“Quoted by***newthinker”)
    “this brings up an interesting topic but related topic I am struggling with, that I find most men don’t think is cheating but some woman do and that is watching porn videos. Are men who secretly lust after moving images of other woman’s sexual organs cheating?”

    Always keep this in mind, men are 90% visual by nature. Most men have no choice are ruled by the fact that “if we can’t see it then its not there, there for it wont happen” mentality, but thats not to say that there isn’t a few of us out there that have learned to “step outside the box” so to speak of because that would be a direct insult to our intelligence.
    So when ever you see a man staring at something intimately its nothing personal, just understand thats just how we connect with things on a mental/physical/associative way. Trust me when i say ” if we can see our selves doing something on that level, we can make it a reality” thats how we end up moving mountains and creating things on such huge scales that its phenomenal and it dont matter what it is or what it takes as long as if we can see it happen then we can make it happen.
    I speak the truth.

  2. Tamara Nicholas

    Frankly, I don’t see how any of your comments apply to what the topic of the actual story “Love lies” and her three lies was all about. She did not talk about a three-some or cheating at all. Even though that’s often what is lied about in a relationship. Well, that and substance issues and other forms of addiction. Anyway, I thought the topic written about was quite direct and very well thought out and expressed. Quite good advice. We can’t overlook those people who are constantly tearing us down though. When a bit of “stepping on one’s toes” becomes mental/emotional abuse” and even crosses to physical abuse you need to split. It’s not healthy for anyone to be in that situation.

    But what if the person is “trapped” in that marriage. Literally trapped? They do not have a job/income. They have a child or two to support plus themself. They live in a town where there’s no public transportation and they do not have driving privileges. They do not own their home (they own everything within the home) and they do not have anywhere they can go because their own family will not offer any support. The family feels that the person is married to this “wonderful guy.” In fact, you all wrote an article about “Spotting a Tool,” a few weeks ago. That’s this guy. Everyone is convinced he’s so wonderful. Everyone at the place he works (where the wife used to work) thinks he loves his wife very much and she’s the one that’s the problem and he “put’s up with her shit. She’s crazy.” Yeah, because he’s done extra-marital things and the wife knows about it but when she confronts him he denies it adimantly and even gets violent.

    He is from the “old school.” He’s about 20 years older than the wife (go figure) so she was a trophy for him when they married. That’s not to say he didn’t really love her or anything. But it’s only a superficial love because, after all, he is a “tool.” He is not capable of deep-seeded love and had she known this about him she wouldn’t have married him in the first place. She knew he was her soul mate and she was “supposed to marry him.” He came to her in dreams right before they got together. It was a Spiritual growth thing. A karmatic debt for but mostly her. She is an intuitive medium who goes back as far as Atlantis and has been a witch, metaphysician, healer, shaman, high priestess of Isis, etc every single incarnation.

    This woman is me and this incarnation I am a of the legions of Arch-angel Michael. I was told by a psychic one time that I was a walk in because I have died eight times. The fact is that is false. I never actually crossed any of those times. It is still me, Tammy, the same Spirit that came when I was born on September 2, 1968. I have left eight times but I have returned eight times. My destiny number is eight. I was baptized when I was eight and it took them around eight times to get it right because my Spirit knew that religion just wasn’t right. I believe if you do the math you can do it two separate ways. You can add it which is first: 8+8+8+8=32=5 which stands for Grace (Biblically). Five has always been my lucky number since I was a small child. It wasn’t until just this year that I probed to find out its meaning. Second: 8x8x8x8=4096=1 which stands for God (biblically) or in numerology it stands for Creativity/Creation or New Beginnings.

    Why do I go into that? Because both apply really. You’d have to be a fly on the wall to know why. Trust me my dears. New beginnings are coming right up!

    Thanks for the insight, validation, etc. Tammy

  3. Snow Moon

    That is the key word that you have to remember.. when you say “Are men who secretly lust after moving images of other woman’s sexual organs cheating?” anything done in secret is cheating.. the question is .. is it secret that they are watching porn? If you bring a third person into the bed room, is it a secret from your spouse? Obviously not.. but if your in a corner or waiting till your spouse leaves to secretly watch porn, then why are you doing it in secret? and once it becomes a secret, then your hiding stuff from each other. If a true good relationship where communication is fantastic, why is there hiding? why can’t you say I am going to watch porn.. If the other person in the relationship watches it with you, it isn’t cheating.. or if they don’t want to watch it, and you watch it alone they know your doing it… is it the hiding it? and that causes secrets… for me I don’t care if my partner watches porn (it creates ideas to try in the bedroom..) but if they were doing it in secret I would be concerned on why they couldn’t tell me.. or did they not trust me enough to be ok with it.. Personally I feel secrets of any kind are bad in a relationship (and no I am not talking about presents or anything like that),, I don’t think I would feel comfortable in a relationship if they had to hide things, or do things in secret.

  4. gdbmns6101

    This is so true. I’m in love with him but I have no idea of how to tell him that. Things between us started as us just being friends. Things soon after moved into a sexual relationship. This has lasted for some time now. There is a lot of emotional attachment between the both of us. I can feel us drawing towards one another but neither of us are willing to just say it. I know within my heart this is the one for me and almost certain that I’m that one for him but how do you go about it. Someone help me please.

  5. newthinker

    I feel bad for you. Most men would not think that this would be cheating because, after all this is not another man, but a woman. Any other affection directed elsewhere is obviously not you. Now, this brings up an interesting topic but related topic I am struggling with, that I find most men don’t think is cheating but some woman do and that is watching porn videos. Are men who secretly lust after moving images of other woman’s sexual organs cheating? Good question. I’d love to hear your response zman and any others whom are compelled to reply.

  6. laurel

    As long as are you both happy, and no other issues arise as a result of this. Bringing a third person into the bedroom can be an adventure, or a way to spice up the relationship for some people. It can also be a way of life for others….In your case I see it more as if your wife is the one who likes it, or wants to, not necessarily is doing it out of love for you. She can love you, and most likely both enjoy it, and have a great time…fantasies infuse the mind…..
    Do as you both please as long as you can be happy the rest of the days…
    There’s no universal formula… We all have our own.

  7. kallista

    Thank you for your compassionate advice, Stephanie. You write so well, with great delicacy and understanding. I have referred clients to your work, for you have so much wisdom to share. Thank you again for all the help you give others. Blessings, Kallista, ext. 9623

  8. Jeremiah Hood

    LOVE thats a word that should not be so importent its like a way out . its a fix all its the first thing to say when u fd up next to im sorry honey ill never do it agien ….. its the simpel story of life it sucks and u have to live with it LOVE dosent mean shit friend ship is the best u can learn alot from just talkin to some one . find out what they want befor u try to make them happy

  9. zman

    Cheating spouse: I am curious that You fail to mention when it comes to cheating spouses there is another element of surprise that you did not elaborate on, what about when the woman is turned on by another woman
    and brings you into the circle of this attraction by securing an intimate relationship of sharing this woman with you is this sexual liaison with the other woman constitute cheating . When you are married to the same woman for 30 years and her interest is in another woman includes you in this how do we translate this type of an affair . My wife always picks out these gorgeous woman that she is sexually attracted to and I always go along for the ride. Then later on we discuss this relationship with each other and very openly we tell each other how great the experience was and the sexual not loving gratification was completed. This is not like a daily thing or weekly thing or monthly thing but only when she is attracted to another woman that she finds appealing and wants to share this sexual intimacy with me as if this is her way of saying that she loves me . Please answer this !


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