You found a partner who compliments you. You've built a nurturing relationship together. But lately you can't escape the feeling that something is different. It's natural for the fiery infatuation of new love to settle into something more mature and lasting; on the other hand, most people are not aware of a partner's unfaithfulness until after the relationship has ended. Are the changes in your mate simply the subsiding of early relationship bliss, or do you have something to worry about? Experts agree that a sudden, unexplained change in behavior can be an early sign of infidelity. Keep in mind that behavior changes can be caused by many stressors, both good and bad, including work, family and friends. But if your partner is suddenly exhibiting any of these telltale signs, and you can find no other logical cause, it may be time to ask yourself how committed your mate really is.
Suddenly distant While you should expect that hot and heavy passion to slowly cool as your relationship evolves, sudden loss of interest can be cause for concern. Has he stopped calling when he's out of town? Do your once side-splitting anecdotes no longer amuse her? Of course, sudden distance can also be a sign of feeling underappreciated, so before you let your suspicion get the best of you, ask yourself if you are still taking the time to show your S.O. (significant other) you care.
Suddenly attentive Cheaters are renowned over-compensators. If your partner is suddenly and uncharacteristically attentive, he or she may be struggling with infidelity-related remorse. Watch out for guilt-assuaging gifts and unusually helpful behavior. Inexplicable surrenders in arguments and unusual compromises are also telling signs.
Loss of interest in sex A drop in libido can be caused by many factors, including stress, low self-image, legal and illegal drugs and depression. It can also be a manifestation of other dysfunctions within a relationship. But if you are confident that your mate and your relationship are otherwise in sound condition, it could be that someone else is monopolizing your partner's attention -- and sex drive.
Sudden changes in image consciousness A new wardrobe? New vigorous workout routine? Suddenly she's shaving everyday before work? If your partner is making efforts he or she hasn't made since you were first dating -- and the attention isn't directed at you -- take notice. Unless there's a New Year's resolution to blame, or a class reunion on the horizon, ask yourself why the need to impress has been unexpectedly upped.
Suddenly secretive If she used to volunteer every detail, and lately you have trouble eliciting more than one-word responses, it's possible that there is something she doesn't want you to know. The same goes if he can never seem to account for a full day's activities or offers vague explanations of his plans for the evening. People who have something to hide won't volunteer a lot of information about what they're hiding. Also be wary of explanations that seem strangely complicated and unnecessary. Unless your partner has a reason to feel defensive (i.e., you're always asking leading questions), there's no reason the day's activities should be a mystery.
Unexplained changes in routine We all change our patterns from time to time. But if your partner is no longer available for your standing lunch dates and is strangely scarce on the weekends, or your die-hard morning-bather begins coming home late and rushing to the shower, you may want to question the shift in routine.
So... What now? If you do believe your partner may be unfaithful, take some time to consider your approach before staging a confrontation. Paranoid accusations can destroy a relationship as surely as infidelity. It is possible that your loved one's behavior changes have another cause -- even that they are symptomatic of a separate problem in your relationship. Women especially tend to show signs of dissatisfaction long before they begin to wander. While a man may carry on indiscretions despite a happy, healthy relationship, a woman's indiscretion is more likely to occur when she is unhappy. No matter how hurt you may be feeling, it is important that your approach is sensitive and not immediately accusative. Tell your partner what changes you've observed, and why you are concerned that you are not as close as you once were. His or her reaction should help you assess whether your suspicions are justified. If your approach is not confrontational, your partner may welcome the chance to discuss what is on his or her mind. After all, your paying attention is a way of showing that you care. If, on the other hand, your partner offers no explanation for his or her behavior, or doesn't seem bothered by your concern, it may be that this relationship is not the loving, trusting partnership you deserve.
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