How do you pick up the pieces when a marriage has suffered an indiscretion? Can one honestly forgive their mate for the ultimate betrayal and make a fresh start together? Or, is divorce the best answer? Those are the tough questions we put to our California Psychics team this week.
Before any reparations can be made, our psychics concur, both parties must confront themselves with some of the most difficult questions they may ever be required to tackle in their relationship. And the answers, they say, must be the soul-baring truth.
Jealousy
Controlling the green-eyed monster!
"Whether you were the one who was unfaithful or the partner who experienced the infidelity, there is much to sort out," Debra ext. 9596 advises. "If you are the former, ask yourself why you felt the need to stray. If you are the latter, consider whether you can really forgive the infidelity... let it go without resentment or revenge as a payback for the betrayal, and move on with your partner from there."
"When the foundation of a marriage has been violated - the covenants of faith, trust and loyalty have been shattered by adultery - each person in the partnership reaches a place of deep withdrawal," TeriLynn ext. 9625 describes. "I have found that many of my clients have drawn a line in the sand of their lives making infidelity a non-negotiable marriage breaker. But, if staying together and trying to make a go of healing the relationship is a possibility for a couple, then the individuals must be honest to the extreme with themselves. What would you be like if you stay together? Can you forgive yourself? Can you commit to this mate? The one who has strayed needs to assess."
"Can you forgive the circumstances of the betrayal? Is the relationship worth working on? Can you move past the pain and distrust to truly love this person again, or is it time to end this marriage and seek a partner who will compliment your needs for companionship?" TeriLynn asks her callers whose spouses have breached their faith.
"There are no right or wrong answers to these questions," Debra points out. "However, if you are a person who finds infidelity truly inexcusable, please honor yourself and your partner and move on."
"The only way to pick up the pieces after an infidelity is with complete forgiveness," Claudia ext. 4306 says knowingly. "Simply stated, it means that using guilt to manipulate your partner or eternally worrying about a relapse in their behavior will inevitably push history to repeat itself."
Once you come to the conclusion that you want to stay together, then together you must start the healing process. Contending with the process of forgiveness is difficult, states Diamond ext. 9379. "It's not an overnight procedure. Each healing is as different as are the couples. It is not a race. Goals should be written and agreed upon, and the consciousness of achievement must be present. There can be no more secrets, there should be an opening up and pouring out of the spirit, soul, heart and body."
And what are the chances that a patched up marriage will hold up? "I have seen love conquer even the most difficult chances for two people to reconnect. A true-hearted stand of wanting this together will be the only way to truly mend and bring healing to a broken relationship," Diamond answers judiciously.
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