At first I truly loved this guy but he treated me badly. He broke up with me often. And every time he did, it hurt me a lot. But every time he says sorry for the things he's done, I think of the moments that we are happy together and I'm afraid to let go. He's the only person that makes me laugh everyday and that's the part I really like about him but every time I have a problem I can't rely on him. He says, "Stop telling me your problems - you're making my head hurt." Is he the right man for me?
Signed,
Unhappy And Unsure
Dear Unhappy,
When a man is right for you, you won't be unsure and you won't have to ask anyone. And you certainly won't have a long list of hurts and abuses you've suffered at his hands. So, no, he is not the right man for you! He has the sense of humor that you're looking for but that's not enough to make up for the fact that he's a wounded, selfish, unreliable, noncommittal pain in the you-know-what. The best predictor of the future is the past - so if you stay with him, expect more bad treatment, and more flaky, selfish behavior. The question to ask yourself, isn't - "is he right?" It's "what's wrong with me that I can't leave?" The world is full of men you can rely on - quit missing out on them for a few laughs and a lot of misery with him.
Good luck!
Carol
Many months ago, I was told by an astrologer that I'd meet my soulmate last month through an online dating website. I actually got in contact with this guy who seems the type of partner that I've been searching for all these years. We started communicating a few times and things seemed to be going along just fine. However, a few weeks ago, he suddenly stopped contacting me. I know he's cautious and a very busy man. I'm going crazy thinking about him and anticipating when he'll make his next move. I tried to reconnect with him twice and each time, he didn't respond. I don't want to try again because I don't know what he's thinking of and whether he's still interested. I also don't want to give the impression that I'm desperate. Can you please advise me?
Signed,
Seeking Cyber Soulmate
Dear Seeking,
So - here's the deal. Despite the fact that I truly believe in astrology and have been a practicing astrologer myself for almost two decades, please live your life as though you never heard that prediction! While such things can be seen in a chart, they rarely are that specific ("you'll meet him this one month, only through online dating..."). Astrological opportunities to find great loves (something I call a "season of love") are rarely only one month in duration, and rarely only through one channel - the planet that represents meeting someone online also can indicate meeting them through friends or travel. So, although this guy sounds like he had some potential, you never even met him or had a date. You may not have actually liked him in person. See him as a "way shower" - someone who came along to show you the possibility of what you're looking for, without being it himself, and keep up the search. Stop going "crazy thinking about him" and put all that energy into connecting with other people. When you find a true soulmate, it will all come together without such anguish. He's out there - keep going.
All the best!
Carol
Click here to listen to this week's Enlightening Relationships program