I broke up with my boyfriend six weeks ago. I now regret ending the relationship. He's very hurt. I've realized that I love him so much. I'm having a hard time moving on. I asked him to marry me and to please give me another chance to make things right again. He won't talk to me because I broke his heart. Does this mean that I've lost him?
Signed: Hasty Heartbreaker
Dear Hasty,
Sadly, you fell victim to the old maxim, "You don't know what you've got until it's gone..." If you're sure he's the one for you, stay strong and don't give up. You need to prove yourself to him over time. He doesn't trust you and it's hard to blame him - you've gone from telling him to get out of your life to pledging your undying love in a very short time. So you're looking like you're either suffering from a multiple personality disorder, a drug problem, or who knows what? The key to disproving either of these is time and consistency. Keep calling and playfully saying, "Are you done punishing me for my stupidity yet? Let me know when I can take you to dinner..." and then call a couple of days later and ask again. Be ready to do this for months. Swallow your pride and take full responsibility while honoring his feelings and, if he loved you as much as he claims he did, his love will return. If not, it isn't meant to be and you may as well find out now. Let me know what happens!
Good luck!
Carol
My boyfriend of ten months broke up with me on Thanksgiving Day. We've talked some since but he insists he's "doing me a favor" because he's not good for me. He says he's a big "flirt" meaning he's never been able to be monogamous, which is pretty sad for someone 56 years old. I'm having trouble getting over him even though he's probably right - he's no good for me if this is how he feels. We've never fought and everything was fine until that day. How do I get over wanting to try to make contact during a time of year when I'm supposed to be happy?
Signed: Missing My Guy
Dear Missing,
Wowza - he broke up with you on Thanksgiving? You should be thankful! Why? He is doing you a favor! I wish he'd done you this favor ten months ago. The only thing I like about this guy is that he's honest. He knows himself by now, and what he's capable and not capable of... Which is why it doesn't matter that you've "never fought and everything was fine." Everything wasn't fine - you were in a relationship with a man that is not relationship material, so it doesn't matter how well you got along. He couldn't do the relationship. It's like expecting a 4' tall man to play professional basketball. He doesn't have what it takes. And now you're in the "withdrawal phase." You have to get him out of your system just like you would a drug. I'm sorry but there's no way to stop "wanting to try to make contact" so accept that you're grieving and let yourself be sad but please stop all communication. You're very attached to him so just hearing his voice will reverse any progress in moving forward that you've made.
Good luck!
Carol
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