If you've ever been out-of-control after a love gone wrong, you probably understand the craziness that can rob us of our rational mind after a breakup. It's an obsessive drive to get back -or punish for leaving - the person we've labeled our one true love in all the wrong ways. This in turn becomes irrational dramatic behavior like drive-bys, drunk dialing, text message wars, even stalking - leading to a whole lot of unhappiness and emotional torment.
The problem is serious and common according to our California Psychics team, so managing the obsession is important to a healthy emotional future. You can't stop thinking about your ex and your friends are telling you to get a life, but you can't seem to move on.
We asked our psychics: What do you do when a caller is irrationally obsessed with their ex?
"When a caller is unwilling to accept that an ex has fallen out of love, it can be very difficult to move on because of the strong bond they felt," says Inez ext. 9581. "But people do ruin their lives waiting for someone to come back. I have one caller who is still convinced that his soulmate will return to him despite the fact that it's been four years since their last contact. I immediately encouraged him to focus on his music and meditation. Another caller was obsessed with vengeance towards his ex's new love. We focused on redirecting his energy, since living well is the best revenge. These people often find it hard to believe that there are better partners out there for them."
Bruised egos, bruised hearts
"The best we can do in these matters of the heart," says Meryl ext. 9376, "is to guide callers into the future so that they can meet someone great. It is difficult to get through to them when there is such enormous despair over a lost love. One caller's girlfriend left when she found out he had cancer. She even told him that she had never loved him - yet he wanted her back!"
"I sympathize with the client and then explain that focusing on an ex who has moved on is simply giving that person even more power over them," tells Laura ext. 9555, "while hindering them from finding someone else to connect with. Oftentimes a person is obsessed with an ex because they were rejected and can't get over that pain of being rejected, not because they are still in love."
"Several months ago, I did a reading for a caller who wanted to know if there was a new love coming into her life," tells Lucrecia ext. 9326. "When she asked the question I immediately sensed something else. I saw that the caller was obsessing about an ex-love. I kept seeing his photo in a small wooden frame. When I asked about it, she admitted it was there, along with several other photos of the two of them together… and she was still wearing an opal ring he had given her. She was so embarrassed that I picked up on all of this that she removed the ring and turned down the photos. Immediately, I was able to pick up the initials of someone new, a physical description and a date when she would meet this person. Several months later she called to tell me that she had met the man I had described. He was there all along… she just needed to let go of the past."
Find a fresh focus
"After a breakup there is such a feeling of loneliness, of not being good enough and a great desire for human companionship," says Lauren ext. 9351. "But you're more likely to find that companionship without the obsession."
"Sometimes irrational love obsessions are a way of avoiding the true expression of love," suggests Ron ext. 9545 . "The obsessed stops living life as they knew it, avoids going out, having fun and they become isolated with an excuse to be lonely."
"There are 1001 better ways to spend your valuable time," adds Katie ext. 9067. "It's not healthy to call and ask about your ex and their new love. Create something beautiful, ride a bike, bake some fresh bread, or help someone in need."
"Your best chance to get someone back is to let go and I mean that," says Serafina ext. 9407. The more you try to force fate, the more it runs from you. Let go and see what the other person does. When you move on, you change your personal energy and if it's meant to be… you will attract your ex back. If not, you will meet a new and possibly more exciting person and make a new life. Either way, you win - if you move on."