If you're wondering how to improve your sex life - or (gasp) how to even get one - there's a simple answer that may surprise you. Upping your desirability factor has very little to do with how you look on the outside, and a whole lot to do with how you feel on the inside. Believe it or not, confidence - the true kind, the sort that comes from comfort in yourself and who you are as well as your sexuality - is the best tool for seduction.
Think about it. Beyond the celebrities we all find sexy in countless grocery store magazines, to whom - in real life - do you find yourself drawn? Most likely, it's people who smile easily, who aren't afraid to meet your gaze, who move with effortless grace and feel comfortable in their own skin. Taking all of these characteristics into consideration, it's the confident people - not necessarily those we find physically perfect - who draw us in. Feeling good about yourself signals potential partners that not only are easy to be around, but are probably great in bed.
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Why it works
While we all feel insecure sometimes (admittedly, some of us more than others), no one - not even the biggest self-doubter - finds insecurity sexy. A person who isn't at home in their body will not usually be the most adventurous lover. Even if they are wild in bed (there's nothing like overcompensation), they won't necessarily be present and connected. A genuinely confident person however, who knows what they want in and out of the sack (but in this case, especially in), gives a partner something to aim for… which is vital because, let's face it, we all aim to please, or at least we should.
On that note, sexually confident people tend to have a certain degree of integrity, sexually speaking. In other words, while a cocky individual - someone whose bravado screams look at me, look at me, but whose demeanor indicates their self-esteem is faux - may be less than giving when getting some. The confident individual cares not just about their own pleasure but about their partner's as well. Sex, after all, is reciprocal. Oftentimes, the better your partner feels, the better you feel about yourself. Basically, confidence exudes warmth, energy and passion - and there is nary a more attractive combination than that.
How to get it
The first step to sexual confidence is getting to know your own body, your own desires and how to accommodate them. While it may seem unrelated to actual sex with a partner (nevermind flirtations and seduction) a rich inner fantasy life gives you ground for exploration - and increasing confidence. The better you are in your fantasies (however you define that), the better you'll feel in real life sexual situations. See yourself as you want to be in your mind's eye and it will translate to the way you carry yourself.
Lastly, if you're struggling with the overt sexuality, while you work on getting comfortable (as that's a key to improving your confidence) go back to basics, energetically speaking. Remember that what you put out is what you're going to receive in return. So, being warm and friendly, kind and courteous - unafraid to give a compliment when deserved and grateful for all that you have just as you are now - you will draw those same things to you. Likewise, when you bask in your own sex appeal easily - without becoming obvious or grandiose about it (read: truly confident and not cocky), you'll become a magnet for exactly the types of people you want to attract - those who will make you feel even better about yourself while you do the same for them.
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