What's your opinion about a guy who wines and dines me to the hilt, takes me on vacations and pays for everything, tells me he loves me and that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, buys me beautiful jewelry - even a ring. But he only sees me on weekends and says, "I have a stressful job and need my space during the week." He does get up at 4:30am to go to work... Not sure what to do.
Living For The Weekends
Dear Living,
You LUCKY, LUCKY girl! Please read your question again and pinch yourself for the fabulous fairy tale your romantic life resembles! Women the world over would gladly have such a prince to play with on the weekends, and then luxuriate all week long until the next opportunity to be in his arms... But you want a real answer, so here goes: My opinion is that he wants to keep his life compartmentalized - work days are for work, weekends are for fun. I wouldn't take it personally. That said, if the time and attention he's paying you is not enough for you, it's not enough for you. Only you can know what makes you happy. I'm a big believer in an idea that could save so many people tremendous heartache, so I'll share it with you now: A man in a relationship - or a woman - is only going to give as much as they are naturally going to give. All the begging, pleading, convincing and complaining in the world won't make them give you more consistently or permanently. They might change for a little while to try to make you happy, but after a while they'll slip back into being who they really are and giving what they were giving before. So it's critical that you find a man who naturally does what works for you and to accept the terms that he's showing you and decide if they are the terms you like or not... If
your terms require that you see a man every day, then you need to find a man that wants that kind of relationship as well. Plenty of men do...
Good luck,
Carol
Met a man a year and a half ago and had an affair - he was married and so was I. He divorced his wife this summer and I separated from my husband last month. We've had a great sex life and I'm so drawn to him I can't stop wanting him. But he just told me he's seeing someone and doesn't want a relationship with me but still wants to be with me sexually. What do I need to do to make him want a relationship with me?
Mistaking Sex For More
Dear Mistaking Sex,
What do you need to do to make him want a relationship with you? Nothing. As soon as you're in a position in which you have to "convince" a man to be with you - you're with the wrong man! (See answer above...) A man that's right for you won't need any convincing - in fact, hold out for the guy who nothing could convince him to stay away! As for "Mr. Just Divorced," he's not ready for a relationship - he's only just back in the game and playing the field and wants to have several "players" in rotation. If you don't want to be one of many, then you need to move on and have a fabulous life! Thank him for his honesty, bless his new "activities" and LET HIM GO.
Get going!
Carol
Listen to Enlightening Relationships as Carol interviews Daniel J. Jaffee.