Miserable in Michigan writes:
Please help me. I am going crazy! I'm 48 and involved with my son's friend - he's 25. I've been married for 32 years, but my husband and I are going through some changes. He has health issues he will not deal with and I've been growing closer to this other person. I feel happy with him, but I'm not sure if this is right.
Do you see my husband and I working this out, or am I to go on with this relationship with the younger guy? Or is there someone else out there to bring me to my contentment? I have been so unhappy for such a long time.
Sincerely,
Miserable in MI
PS: Please give me your insight fast.Dear Miserable in MI,
You definitely have some issues that you need to address before you come to the place of contentment you are so desperately seeking.
I know that you think if your personal relationships are more fulfilling, you will find the peace and happiness you deserve. If that were true, I might be sitting here telling you to move forward in your search for that ultimate relationship. But, that would be doing you a huge disservice.
The relationship you share with your son's friend is fresh and a bit exciting; it does give you a rush. He is not the answer to your prayers, though. This is not a fascination that will last, nor is it a relationship that has a fulfilling future attached to it. Throw in the fact that he is a friend of your son, and the path gets even more complicated.
Many people have beautiful and successful relationships with age differences that exceed the 23 years which separate you from this man. Love is not always really particular with chronology. But, the two of you have very separate life paths. Any way I look at it, he is not the one for you. More importantly, you are not the one for him.
This essentially narrows your choices down to two. Stay with your husband, or find someone new.
Even though your marriage is troubled, I don't see you leaving. Sure, if some guy would swoop down and promise you the world, you would walk out the door in a heartbeat. But, I don't see that happening. That means you have to deal with the life you have, the one you chose, before you can make any life-altering decisions.
Yes, your husband's health issues are a factor in the state of your marriage. But, the state of your marriage also has a great deal of impact on his health. You can't force him to be a better man than what he is, nor can you force him to take care of his problems. But you can choose to start addressing your own.
Your sense of misery comes from a much deeper, darker place than the men in your life. It comes from all that baggage you have collected since you were young. All that stuff you've tried to make sense of, the stuff you try and forget.
If you want to change your life, really want to be happy and content in a relationship, you have to start with the relationship you have with yourself. When you can honestly see yourself for who you are, you also can see how to change your path and stop making the same mistakes.
You really need to unload, and you would greatly benefit from counseling. Until you have a sense of love and peace with who you are, you aren't going find that contentment with any man.
Good luck.
Brightest blessings,
Red
Ext. 9226