Ever wish you had a guidebook for your partner's little feints and foibles? Well, you're in luck. We've taken the guesswork out of it in the first of our series on new relationships (also stay tuned for When She Says…). Now it's time to find out what he's really thinking - and what he isn't.
The status:
Your new guy is looking like he has some serious potential. He's hot, he's attentive, and he says all the right things. Right now it's all butterflies and desire, but you're beginning to wonder if this could turn into something more, when he pulls out this bit of diplomacy:
He says:
"I don't want to lead you on…"
Translation:
"I plan to collect on the perks of this relationship, with none of the responsibility." Or, maybe he's just not ready for a relationship. Either way, you know what he doesn't mean. He's not planning a romantic getaway for Memorial Day weekend. And he's hardly afraid of losing himself in those cosmic feelings for you. Nope, this guy's got his feet planted firmly on the ground - at a comfortable distance from you and anything resembling a serious relationship.
"I don't want to lead you on" means "I don't want to lead you into thinking that I'm going to get any closer." Your new guy feels that in uttering this simple disclaimer, he's covered his bases. Now he can love you and leave you, love you and love someone else, or just plain leave you, knowing he explained his intentions to you from the beginning. Don't be fooled, no matter what he says about your eyes and derrière. All those little gestures and sweet nothings are null and void, because he's already told you he's not interested in going any further.
How to play it
So maybe you're only looking for Mr. Right Now? More power to you. But think twice before you justify his casual approach with your own. Even if you're only in it for fun, wouldn't you have a better time with someone who's a little crazy about you? When you fling with this guy, you're slamming the door to anything deeper… ever. Even flings are more exciting when you're both a little head-over-heels. (And don't be surprised if he's not not-leading a few other girls on, too.) Let's see … not interested in you, but not shy about being with you anyway. Where's the satisfaction in that?
The solution
If he doesn't want to lead you on, he's leading you on. No amount of hot and heavy passion can make up for lukewarm feelings. It's time you turn the tables and lead him on … to the door.
Stay tuned for more of his favorite lines (and what's really behind them!)
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