Coping With Loneliness
Get a handle on the emotion
by Martine Jeanne Craughley
Loneliness is one of the most heartrending conditions that we experience as humans. It leaves us feeling hopeless, desperate and hung out to dry. Whether the loneliness you experiene is after a death or the end of a relationship, a situation change, a job loss, move or (even worse!) for no apparent reason.
Sometimes, it can even creep up on you when you're in a room full of people. Though it may not seem like it, there are ways you can cope with and eventually overcome this very common human emotion.
After loss
After a significant loss, like a death or end of relationship, it's good to take time to heal and to treat yourself with all the kindness you'd muster for a child who's lost a parent. Don't hide how you feel from those who have a genuine interest, let people in even though you feel like shutting down. Try to keep yourself healthy: go for walks, eat nutritous food and get plenty of sleep. Everyday remind yourself, 'to just keep breathing and keep moving' while relying upon whatever spiritual tradition gives you comfort.
Most important is that you feel your pain; no matter how terrible it feels, don't try to hide from it or run from it. What makes this toughest is that you can't shut down either - you've got to keep living your life, even if it feels like you're just going through the motions. Grief comes in waves (that will gradually get fewer and further between), so when there's a breather and you happen to notice something like the beauty of a bead of dew shimmering like a jewel, drink that in as a moment of Grace. Your pain, too, is as beautiful, universal and inevitable as a moment of beauty.
Situational lonelinessThere's perhaps few things as disconcerting or alienating as being surrounded by a clique of laughing people while you sit uncomfortably alone, watching. Meeting new people can be daunting, especially when they are a tight group. Starting a new job, transferring to a new school or moving to a new city can all offer new lessons in loneliness. Fortunately, this all will change as soon as you meet like-minded people.
A new place demands that you make unfamiliar effort. In your hometown or your last job it seemed as if you just had friends, now you need to put yourself in situations where you can make them. Explore new interests by going to classes, wine tastings, book signing or signing up for sports teams. If you love art, volunteer at a museum or an arts organization. By doing so, you'll meet people you share an interest with, and increase the odds that you'll find someone to befriend. Put yourself out there for a while and you'll start to run into people you can connect with. Soon your loneliness will be a bittersweet memory.
Chronic loneliness
If you have pervasive loneliness, where you sit next to your soulmate and feel utterly alone, or you find that when you're in a group of your friends you feel more isolated than you do at home in front of the television, you're experiencing deep disconnection. First, you need to ask yourself, am I ignoring something that my soul wants acknowledged? Is there a dream repressed or denied? Are you keeping a secret between you and those you love? Or are you in a situation similar to the ugly duckling, surrounded by those with whom you have little in common? Often this type of loneliness demands working with a professional to uncover its core and strategize a way out.
Whatever the cause of your state-of-mind, know that you are not, actually alone. Even if you feel that no one is close to you, loneliness, grief, loss and occasional disconnection are all part of the human condition. With time, effort and guidance you will find yourself feeling more connected - and more like yourself. Just try not to beat yourself up along the way to that place.
Do you need to talk to someone? A psychic can listen and guide you. Call
1.800.573.4784 or
click here now.