The Art of Social Success

Tips for party mingling

Are you a retiring wallflower or an outgoing party animal? Maybe you fall somewhere in-between. The art of social success is measured often by how smoothly you navigate the sometimes rocky social scene. When you plan to attend a cocktail party, business dinner or other social event, do you anticipate the evening with a sense of excitement… or do you dread the moment you'll have to open your mouth and force something witty out (or not!) of it?

You know, there are probably more people at the event who share a sense of discomfort with the idea of having to mingle with people than not. Really, who likes coming up with interesting conversation with strangers? Well, some people do, but it may not be you. This is especially true if the event is tied to one's business because it's not just your social life that may be affected by a verbal, behavioral or wardrobe gaffe, it's your career that could be impacted as well. 

Now that you know it, bear this in mind the next time you attend a gathering and try these simple 5 steps to a more social you:

1. Introduce yourself...
 Grab a drink (it need not be alcoholic, but it will give you something to do with your hands) and introduce yourself to someone who looks as lost as you. Ask them what they think of a current film or book, sports match or news figure. Say anything to get the conversation rolling. Ask how they know the host or, if it's a business event, what role they play in the company. If you see someone you know, introduce that person to your new acquaintance and let conversation follow naturally. Now you've already created a group of three. See how easy that is?

2. Be topical
If you do have the gift of gab - the ability to spew witty gems that have people hanging on your every word, consider yourself lucky. If you often find yourself at a loss for what to say, prep for the party by reading the paper every day for a week or watching entertainment news to be up on the latest topics. Consider practicing an entertaining joke or two so you can deliver the punch line seamlessly.

3. Act up
Even if you are shy, you can pretend not to be. Make the event a sort of personal secret adventure. Be an actor for just a bit and imagine yourself as a more socially comfortable sort. Now try on that personality and let the conversation flow. See how simple that is? Ignore the voice in your head that says you should hide in the bathroom. Just be that new person who is comfortable in their own skin. Eventually, you will become that person… at least for the duration of the party.

4. Listen
Try and be an active listener. People who are good listeners are always welcome in an active conversation. Those who can focus in on the conversation, ask intelligent questions and help move the conversation along with appropriate comments can also be socially successful, without needing to be the center of attention.

5. Dress for social success
Another important step is to prepare in advance to sport the appropriate wardrobe so you don't feel completely underdressed or overdressed. As shallow as it may sound, having the right outfit for an event, and feeling comfortable in it… can help you fit in with the crowd. There will be some social gatherings where clothing counts more than others, so by all means, when in doubt, ask someone you can count on to describe the dress code.

And remember… be careful of getting sloshed at these events, especially at business functions where your professional reputation, as well as your social one, can suffer a knock, as well.

Consider that life is a series of social settings and it's up to you to decide how you will approach them - with fear and trepidation, with a sense of giddy anticipation, or with ease and confidence. You never know what can develop out of just one personal connection, so make every one count!